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how do deal with such painful stuff, i can't seem to process it

(5 Posts)
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 02-Feb-13 17:08:24

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 02-Feb-13 17:05:27

It really took me by surprise last night, how raw & upset I still was.

2 threads still active:

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 02-Feb-13 11:45:35

Oh I suppose they've gone if on chat?

TheSilveryPussycat Sat 02-Feb-13 11:44:34

No wonder you are feeling like this, these people abused their positions of trust, and you didn't get the help you needed, either day to day or when you complained. This was a safeguarding adults issue, and SS let you down big time. You were bullied beyond belief because of a physical illness. I am v v angry on your behalf.

I'd like to read your other thread(s) - can you link? And what care do you get now?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 02-Feb-13 01:50:42

this is because of a thread i posted in chat, which was about how do i find a good evening carer... but it caught me by surprise and i feel so raw and broken about something behind it. Hoist by own petard? triggered by own blardy post!

Backstory: became disabled about 3.5 yrs ago although have realised that i suffered with it all my life but didn't know you aren't supposed to feel like that. Has been a bloody awful few years, sister died (of same thing, but undiagnosed til after her death), parents always been emotionally abusive, DH all manner of abusive, and left me when ds was born and i got too ill, in hideous debt, body is a train wreck of revoltingness, lots of misdiagnoses and not helping me etc etc etc. You name it, its been shit.

So as all these things have happened i've been actively trying to deal with them, understanding, searching for answers, trying to heal myself and get better... trying to identify whats wrong, and why these things have happened/ I've let them happen to me, and I've got an awful long way to go, but i feel like I'm always trying, always moving a bit forwards at least.

But the stuff with carers, i can't deal with this at all... just so raw, so shocking that even now it takes my breath away and i am absolutely in pieces over it and really 'stuck' in the moment of it all, not moving on at all... burying quite successfully, but its like am not forming scars, I'm just looking the other way. why? why this? i have far bigger things to worry about... and i don't know how to stop being so distraught about it.

when i first got in contact with adult social services to ask them to help, they put carers in place who turned my life and home into a living nightmare. Social services provided me with people who shouted at me and called me lazy, forced me to strip naked and laughed at my spots when i was naked, they stole my stuff and also refused to take care of my son so i could rest as they weren't insured to go anywhere near children, only disabled or elderly. They all gossiped amongst themselves and decided i was not really disabled but doing it for benefit fraud (i wasn't and still don't claim any sodding benefits except dal, bastard fuckers).

i got a lot iller as a result, as they were forcing me to have a shower every day, sit in the kitchen trying to get them to cook, eat sitting up and get up to point to stuff i needed moving (they were supposed to tidy trip hazards) etc. All massively physically too much for me, let alone all the cruelty and nastiness.

here was what i wrote on the other thread:

"yes it was abuse, and i was told I had to do everything they said or they'd say I didn't need any care and not put me forwards for direct payments, or that they'd take my child away. I did complain but to the same team, just internally, and all I got was they were 'sorry i felt that way' and it carried on just the same.

I was very scared, and naive enough to think they could do that to me and I had to accept it, its over a year down the line but I have just complained in a huge way about adult social services and yet another thing they did which was awful (have written copiously on this before xmas!).

It took me 16 months til i finally found my fight to stop them treating me like rubbish. It took seconds for them to strip away my dignity and humanity and trust. Am still traumatised by the way those 'carers' treated me, and its only been the last few months that I've even told anyone (mums net... and a lawyer!) what happened to me. Its going to be a long time before I get over it, and i hate that i let it happen to me. never would have thought it."

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