I need to get through this. Falling apart is not an option.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

Not an option because I love my DCs, my DH, all the rest of my family, my cat, my best friend and my work.

Not an option because I have finally been referred to the MH team specialising in supporting people with heart disease but with a three month waiting list, and my GP has made it clear to me that there is no other help available in the interim.

Not an option because I've lived with anxiety/depression/PTSD/every-other-label-on-offer for most of the last 20 years, and I've always somehow coped with it.

Not an option because, although my DH is coping with the kids and all the housework on his own at the moment, I'm worried that he's about to snap.

But since my most recent hospital appointment last week, which I found very stressful, I've been acting really strangely, and I'm starting to find it a bit disconcerting. I've become quite nervous about being outside, have spent most of my time in bed, have become obsessed with making craft items for a website I just set up and with researching a particular religious group on the internet - all whilst feeling utterly terrified of anything relating to work. I've got a fortnight's sick note from the GP, but really can't afford the time off, though neither do I really care.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can keep myself afloat with family and work and daily life until I get the MH appointment through?

[EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy]

Could you go to A&E and say you're not coping? Because it really sounds as if you aren't. You need support sooner than in 3 months (FFS). Perhaps you can be referred to a MH crisis team.

You sound quite detached from yourself already in a way, as if you are observing yourself from the outside. It doesn't sound like a good place to be in. You need and deserve help and support.

Are you taking ADs?

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

But if I'm not suicidal (and I'm not) and if the kids are properly looked after (DH is working flexitime from home so is able to do everything for them and is a fab dad) is there anything A&E could do?

I'm taking Prozac, and I know that I'd be worse off without it.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

Oops I didnt mean to send that. Sorry.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

I'm still like this... working nonstop at the "hobby" but unable to face the toddler group. I have children. I can't carry on unfunctioning.

[SirBoobAlot]

I think you need to see someone, love. Either back to the GP to push to be seen sooner, or to A&E if they aren't of any use.

Big hugs.

I go through obsessional phases, before a big crash, and so many of my friends too. Much love. xx

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

You're probably right. I've got an appointment for meds next week. Maybe I'll take one of my handcrafted items as evidence (nobody is buying them online, so they must be shite really).

I've been reading a lot of what you've said in recently MH threads about being bouncing between psych and medical services... I really do relate: I feel as though nobody quite believes me and nobody seems able to help.

But I need to get back to being a mum and a wife and back my my job. Otherwise everything will fall apart.

[SirBoobAlot]

Darling, it will fall about if you're not well. Your health needs to be a priority. Take the pressure of yourself.

I'm sure your handcrafted items are lovely, can I have a nose? :) FWIW my friend is a professional seamstress, and it took her a long while to get up and going - so don't let it crush your confidence if it isn't take off immediately.

[BreastmilkNewYearLatte]

It's not sewing, though I'm currently obsessively ferreting around online for the dress which will cover all my surgery scars (ie I keep thinking people can see things they can't). I'll PM you the link to my site. Thank you so much for all your support.

Everything feels so strange.