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It's too hard

(175 Posts)
GracieLoo Sat 05-Jan-13 19:29:15

I'm sorry, finding every day a struggle and thinking I can't see a future. There's no point in anything I do. I try my best for dd but I do ok for a bit then it all goes wrong. I can't deal with the whinging, maybe she would be ok with someone else.

I was just driving on the motorway, was driving too fast, on verge of tears, and really wishing someone would crash into me. Dd was in the car and I wouldn't want anything to happen to her, but she was asleep and it was like she wasn't there.

Been crying too much recently, getting too fat, being irritable and distant with family, I just don't want to carry on anymore. Going back to work on Monday, the anxiety is making me feel worse, I know tomorrow I'm going to be dreading it so much. Thinking of not going, handing me notice in, not really caring what happens. I can't cope with it.

I don't feel right, I can't think straight. I feel so tense.

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat Wed 16-Jan-13 11:46:43

Strangely, I do find doing some hoovering can be quite therapeutic. Keep on keeping on [hug]

GracieLoo Wed 16-Jan-13 22:07:45

Three people have texted me tonight asking if I'm ok and I don't seem right. Obviously I'm worse than I thought as I'm not hiding it so well. Feel like I've been spied on, or they've read these posts or know what's going on in my head. Feeling very paranoid now, and can't relax. Hate this feeling that I'm not really here, and just watching myself trying to function.

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat Wed 16-Jan-13 22:29:41

Did your CC get back to you? How are you sleeping atm?

amillionyears Wed 16-Jan-13 22:46:25

See, last night or the night before you wanted people to contact you.

GracieLoo Thu 17-Jan-13 07:43:22

Yeah my cc phoned back, got an appt to see her Friday. Having trouble getting to sleep, then could sleep forever. Finding it hard getting up and having to function for LO.

GracieLoo Thu 17-Jan-13 08:27:31

Just opened a letter from my landlord saying he's selling up so offering me to buy first. There's no way I'd get a mortgage. Been here three years, can't deal with this right now! The thought of moving is too much sad

amillionyears Thu 17-Jan-13 11:17:18

Could you move in with your mum?

GracieLoo Thu 17-Jan-13 17:00:21

Not really an option. Got a headache from all this stress, and bet the snow tomorrow means my appt will be cancelled.

lizba Thu 17-Jan-13 17:13:35

Hi Gracie, did you speak to any of your friends - did you reply to their texts? Even if you said, 'not coping very well at the moment' they will reach out further Im sure- please don't be ashamed to reach out.

GracieLoo Thu 17-Jan-13 21:06:22

One of the texts was a friend, the others were family who I can't help but say I'm fine. I said to my friends I've been struggling a bit, she's offered to come round this weekend. I just get embarrassed that people think I'm weak or attention seeking.

Felt strange this eve, like I was doing things but it didn't feel like me. Running dd's bath in auto pilot. And been so tired, want to sleep so much. Realised I haven't been out at all this week apart from work, and taking dd to nursery and a playdate. Trying to keep things normal for her. At least I'm saving money. I even ordered food online so I didn't have to face people.

Suddenly had a thought that I could move in my mums, get dd settled there then end it. Feel it would be a relief for everyone, one less thing to worry about. But that could take weeks, and my energy to fight this might not last that long. Sorry for being too honest.

amillionyears Thu 17-Jan-13 22:28:36

Is there room at your mums?

lizba Thu 17-Jan-13 22:48:08

It's good to be honest. Would you think your friend was attention seeking if she had been struck down with this? You sound like a funny, kind person with so much to give. Please give yourself a chance and let your friend come. Failing that , please phone someone and tell them how you're feeling, let someone help you .

lizba Sat 19-Jan-13 15:28:38

Gracie, can you let us know you're ok? We're here if you need to chat . Please let us know how you are

GracieLoo Sun 20-Jan-13 08:09:56

Sorry I'm in hospital with a broken arm, waiting for an op! Hard to type with left hand. No sleep or food is making me feel a bit crap, actually a lot crap! Plus staff talking down to me when I had a little break down last night was hard.

SnowyMouse Sun 20-Jan-13 08:43:15

I'm sorry to hear that, Gracie sad What happened?

amillionyears Sun 20-Jan-13 09:22:27

Oh heck. sad
Did you fall on some ice?
I hope the staff are lovely to you Gracie.

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat Sun 20-Jan-13 12:55:04

Gracie in our neck of the woods there is a MH Liason Officer in the physical hospitals, maybe there is in yours and you could ask to see them?

GracieLoo Mon 21-Jan-13 03:19:26

Awake in hospital worrying about so much stuff, and how I'm going to get through it. I did fall doing this, in the ice. Had another breakdown earlier, but the other patients were nice. It was my dads bday and worrying about being apart from dd and this making things more distant between us.

amillionyears Mon 21-Jan-13 07:25:18

Hope you got some rest.
Have you had the op?
Your DD should be fine. She loves you.

Glad the patients are being nice to you, especially because of what day it was yesterday. x

GracieLoo Mon 21-Jan-13 14:51:08

Home now, feel really weird and emotional.

amillionyears Mon 21-Jan-13 15:15:28

Your body has had somewhat of a physical shock.
All perfectly normal what you are feeling I expect.

GracieLoo Tue 22-Jan-13 15:02:52

I don't want to sound like I'm attention seeking but I don't feel right, and I don't know if it's normal to feel like this. I feel on verge of tears, shaky and spaced out. A lot has happened this last week, but people go through worse and I feel stupid for feeling like this. I'm in pain, tired and got a feeling of uneasiness. I don't know if it's the general anesthetic I had on Sunday, painkillers I've had, or just my body trying to get over this. I think I just need reassurance, sorry for sounding pathetic.

amillionyears Tue 22-Jan-13 15:29:15

Look after yourself GracieLoo.
Be kind to yourself.
I dont know how long the effects of general anesthetic take to wear off.

How long did they say you were likely to be in pain for?

lizba Wed 23-Jan-13 15:02:23

Hi Gracie, you're bound to feel out of sorts, you've been through a lot this week. Did you manage to speak to anyone in hospital about how you've been feeling?

GracieLoo Wed 23-Jan-13 16:58:02

No I didn't speak to anyone at the hospital, its hard enough to get painkillers or a cup of tea in those places. But i don't feel I'm coping now, in pain and unable to go out is hard, find it hard relying on others. I'm physically feeling weak and exhausted, and a bit lightheaded, mentally I'm struggling, plus feeling scared about the pain, and getting scared to go out, out of my comfort zone.

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