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Feels so pointless

(11 Posts)
muddleup Sat 29-Dec-12 03:17:18

No sleep for 3 days, eyes going together but won't stay closed.
Want to walk out the front door and not come back.
If I walked to the bridge it would all be over but I don't know if they have put the safety net things on so that's no good if they have.
I don't want to live anymore but I'm scared it won't work and then I will just have made everything worse.
It all hurts so much, I hate myself soo much, every breath I take disgusts me, I just want it to stop.

BoerWarKids Sat 29-Dec-12 03:23:49

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

Is there anyone with you?

Keep talking, I'm here x

BoerWarKids Sat 29-Dec-12 03:40:24

You can phone the Samaritans any time; 08457 90 90 90

You can also present at A&E if you're feeling really bad.

Hope you're ok x

muddleup Sat 29-Dec-12 03:44:42

2 of my kids are here but they are asleep.
I have the out of hours cpn's phone number but I can't find my voice to speak, feel like I'm wasting their time, wasting everyone's time.

BoerWarKids Sat 29-Dec-12 15:16:32

You're not wasting anyone's time sweetheart, please don't feel like that envy

Are there any friends or family you can call?

BoerWarKids Sat 29-Dec-12 19:56:52

How are you feeling now? x

TheRoundTable Sat 29-Dec-12 21:16:58

You're not wasting anyone's time. hugs I am so sorry that you are struggling. It is hard, I know, but do please hang on. Call a hotline or the Samaritans and keep talking here.

Call a friend or family member. Please don't struggle alone. It will pass.

sensesworkingovertime Sun 30-Dec-12 18:41:00

Muddle, how are you? We are all concerned for you and you are NOT wasting anyones time. We want to help, there are plenty of people who want to help, please ask for help. Take care.

NanaNina Sun 30-Dec-12 19:28:43

So many of us have been in this position and when the dreaded depression descends on me I feel like you. It's one deceitful illness, it makes us believe things about us that aren't true. You may have suicide ideation (the idea in you head all the time, but knowing you won't do it) this is very common. I have in the past made a plan and I still think about it on the very bad days. YES we want it to STOP and feel that the only way is by gettin rid of ourselves, but you know suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Please come back and talk to us............have you managed to contact your CPN yet.

muddleup Mon 31-Dec-12 17:27:13

I'm sorry if I worried anyone I didnt mean to.
I'm so tired, physically and mentally.
I dont want to live at all, my children dont feel enough to keep me here anymore.
I my youngest had gone to his dads like he should have then I know tomorrow I wouldnt be waking up, but he wouldnt go and now I have to figure out another way that they wont be the ones to find me.

My Cpn wasnt in today and the Out of Hours Cpns dont open until 8, and I guess they will be busy and I dont want to be a bother to them.

NanaNina Mon 31-Dec-12 18:41:57

This pre-occupation with suicide muddleup is worrying, even if you know that in reality you won't carry through. I've thought of overdose on my worse days, but have no idea how many and of what variety does the job so to speak, and am scared of ending up worse off than I am.

Look MU I think you must contact Out of Hours at 8.00 - you are in need of talking to someone about your state of mind and preoccupation with suicide. So what if they are busy, that's what they are there for and they are paid for people to "bother" them, so don't let the depression talk to you and tell you things that aren't true.

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