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Please help me calm down - saw something

(9 Posts)
TheHeirOfSlytherin Fri 28-Dec-12 14:53:12

I can literally feel the stress I'm under at the moment in my head. I can feel the pressure. I've just had some news which I'm really not happy about but I don't know what to do about it.

As well as the pressure feeling in my head, I have had an incident where I thought I saw something out the corner of my eye. I do get this often when I'm stressed but I've just "seen" a little boy sitting on my sofa swinging his legs. The only things on the sofa are a dressing gown and the cat.

I know it was in my head and not real but it's freaked me out - normally when I "see" things when stressed it's more of a shadow or just a movement that makes me look twice, never something as real as the boy was. It has made me feel like I'm actually cracking up.

Please if anyone could advise me on how I can calm myself down that would be amazing!

Snazzyfeelingfestive Fri 28-Dec-12 14:57:32

If you're aware that it's not real then you're not 'cracking up' in my book, though you are clearly very stressed and there is nothing to be ashamed of in that. Can you go out and get a change of scene so you don't keep looking at the sofa? Can you ring someone for a chat? Or just keep posting on here.

Snazzyfeelingfestive Fri 28-Dec-12 14:59:42

If possible I would wrap up warm and go out for a walk, and if you have an ipod or similar put that on. Some exercise will help your twitchiness and keep you occupied.

TheHeirOfSlytherin Fri 28-Dec-12 15:06:28

Thank you for telling me you don't think I'm cracking up! It was so frightening. Actually thinking about it a similar thing happened last week, ds woke me in the middle of the night and as I got out of bed there was a person standing in front of me, it made me literally jump backwards into the bed it gave me such a fright. But as it was in the dark and I had just been woken up I convinced myself those were the reasons it had happened. I'm worried now as it has happened twice.

I will try and go out in a little bit, want to calm down a bit first. Dh is in work until tomorrow morning, my sister is in work until late tonight. Don't really have anyone else I can talk to, except you.

TheHeirOfSlytherin Fri 28-Dec-12 15:27:51

Ok, I'm going to get this all out and see if it helps.

My mum died recently, it was very sudden. We didn't have a great relationship because of her mental health problems but I loved her and I miss her. My dad has reappeared on the scene now, after being absent for a long time and is visiting this weekend. I feel I have to keep up contact for my brother's sake as he is very young to have lost his mum and vulnerable at the moment.

Except it looks like he isn't just visiting me and my siblings. He has asked my brother for the phone number of my aunt (my mum's sister). A cousin has also asked my brother to let him know when our dad arrives so he can come and say hello. My parents divorce was messy and my mum's family sided with my dad (as a result I have as little contact with them all as possible). But now it sounds like a big family reunion is in the works. I'm angry. It will essentially be a bitch-fest about my mum. There is too much anger and stress in me to articulate this properly.

I need to learn deal with having no mum. I dealt with having no dad years ago. Except now he's back so I have to deal with having him around again. I don't want to see my mum's family. They didn't like my mum, although they will never say it their actions throughout my life have shown me this.

I know I can walk away. I don't have to see them. But the fact that they seem to be mobilising for some sort of get together has left me seething. How dare they. My mum is dead and they think they can play happy families now? Don't they see that they aren't a substitute for my mum and that my life has been torn apart by the loss of her.

TheHeirOfSlytherin Fri 28-Dec-12 15:36:05

Ok that may have outed me as I have posted about my mum's death under my new name. Shortly before my mum died I posted on here that I think I may have depression and was planning on seeing a doctor after some wonderful advice but never got round to it because she died and then everything was up in the air.

I feel like I've come out of shock recently and the depression has returned with a vengeance. The way I felt before my mum died has all come rushing back to me, the exhaustion, complete lack of motivation and the sheer rage I end up feeling towards at dh and ds for insignificant things sad. If I go to the doctor and telling him I'm seeing things it's going to have a huge impact on everything won't it? Will they think I can't look after ds?

Yassmina Fri 28-Dec-12 16:00:51

Dear Heir of Slytherin,

I am so sorry about your loss sad
It seems that you are under a lot of stress. I personally don't think that you are "losing it" because you KNOW that things you are seeing are not real.
I know that extreme anxiety can cause people to hear and see things, but I am not sure if depression is the same.
If going to the doctor would make you feel better, then you should do it.

I don't think you are losing it...just hang in there. I hope you get your peace back...and I wish you all the bestsmile

Wallison Fri 28-Dec-12 16:12:15

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time at the moment. You need to deal with the raw grief you are feeling and yet your family are just making things more difficult. That means that you are being put under an intolerable amount of pressure.

If it makes you feel any better, in my experience as Yassmina says anxiety can cause you to have these fleeting visions. They are very disturbing when they happen, but they do happen to a lot of people, and you yourself know that they are not 'real' which is different to people with a diagnosis of psychosis. I agree with the advice to get out and walk and listen to music. Maybe go to a park? - Trees are very calming, I find, or anywhere with water. Your emotions are all over the place at the moment, and it may take you a while to re-anchor so hang on in there. If you can, when you are walking, try to examine your thoughts rationally. You say yourself that the boy wasn't there, and nor was the figure the other night. They are thoughts that are passing through your brain. They cannot hurt you. They can be thought, they can be examined, and they can be put to rest.

I think it would help if you spoke to a doctor, and please don't worry about the consequences for your son because, and again this is my experience, it is very very unlikely that there will be any just because you have said you need some support. Lots of people struggle, especially at times as stressful as the one you are having right now. It doesn't mean you are a bad person, and it certainly doesn't mean you are a bad parent, and your doctor will know this. But through the doctor you can start taking steps to access the help that you need. You won't be judged, or blamed, or any of the things you are worried about.

Hoophopes Fri 28-Dec-12 21:58:35

Hi - my mother died recently also - the grief and bereavement can take many different guises. You could tell your gp that you have lost a parent and are struggling, and may need some support. It is natural to struggle after the death of a parent. It may be totally linked to that - your gp may be able to reassure you, or ask to see you again to see how you are.... it doesn't mean necessarily that anything else is going on, but only a gp can tell you that if you are honest with them.

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