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Driving away

(1000 Posts)
Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 00:52:13

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Fri 28-Dec-12 15:27:53

NOW LISTEN HERE! This is Munsnet. If there was ANY judging to be done, it would have been done here already! And has it? Absolutely NOT. You will be ok, things will get better, but you MUST speak to someone. Remember, a problem shared is a problem halved! You really have taken the first step, coming here, now just keep going.... smile

DorisIsWaiting Fri 28-Dec-12 15:48:48

Pleaseplease get yourself top the Gp or OOH dr, You are not a shit mother you sound like a someone who needs help which is IN NO WAY your fault.

My best friend felt she was a shit mother she picked up the phone to call SS as she felt her son would have a better life. She had a signicant PND which with help and some m,edication she came through. Honestly it can get better you need to take the first step and tell someone IRL can you call your GP? or even your parents GP if you are not at home. Please.

Sunnywithachanceofjinglebells Fri 28-Dec-12 16:04:41

Pumble you sound like a lovely mum. It's obvious from your posts how much you love your family.

Please speak to someone - your GP or a Dr - they won't judge you.

Big hugs xxx

everlong Fri 28-Dec-12 16:06:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead Fri 28-Dec-12 16:10:07

First thing Monday morning ring your GP surgery and tell them you need an emergency appt - ring as soon as they open or you won't get one.

Tell your GP how you are feeling.


tb Fri 28-Dec-12 20:02:43

Pumble you're not a shit mother, you're 'just' completely knackered.

I had a male health visitor - who was a former cpn after dd was born. On his first visit, he told me I was at a high risk from pnd and almost talked me into it.

I was given anti-depressants without any real proper diagnosis and nearly 6 months later when I saw a female gp (who'd had 4 children) as I wanted to stop them as all the appts were causing a problem with work, she said that as dd was 4 months old at the time of the diagnosis, I probably just still been quite tired after the birth as I was breast-feeding and had an 80 mile round trip.

I'm not against a proper diagnosis of pnd and treatment, not at all, it's just in my own case, it was probably the beginnings of a seriously underactive thyroid problem, that 15 years later still isn't getting the right treatment for me to feel well.

I know it's a hell of a lot easier said than done, but at 5 weeks, gripe water can become your friend instead of infacol if your dd has evening colic (and you get loyalty points from your chemist to spend on yourself), and eating properly and sleeping enough, in the afternoon when dd1 has a sleep if you can, will work wonders if you are suffering from a combination of tiredness, hormones, with Christmas slapped in the middle of it all.

Be kind to yourself thanks

Pumble Fri 28-Dec-12 23:01:13

So I survived another day which I guess is a good thing. Dd1 running around in fits of giggles was definitely a highlight but all the time I just have this voice telling me how bad a mum I am and how much better they'd be without me. I just don't see how i cab keep doing this. I know you've all suggested I talk to someone but what if they take my girls? At least if I leave they are still with those that love them.

Chubfuddler Fri 28-Dec-12 23:03:25

No one will take your children anywhere. Please speak to your GP.

everlong Fri 28-Dec-12 23:06:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MolehillAlchemy Fri 28-Dec-12 23:18:18

Pumble, the very fact that you care enough to even think about whether or not you are a good mother, is absolute proof that you are a good mother.

If your kidneys stopped working properly you wouldn't think twice about seeking medical help. It's the same with PND, or PTSD, or whatever is making you feel this way.

It can be helped, and you will not always feel this way. It is temporary.

Stop being so hard on yourself, and let yourself be treated to better health.

All these Mumsnetters can't be wrong can they!

R2PeePoo Fri 28-Dec-12 23:31:25

They won't take your girls. Bottom line is they don't have enough resources to deal with kids in horrid and neglectful situations, let alone much loved and adored children in a happy family with a mother who just needs a bit of help to get back on her feet.

I told the GP I hated being a mother. That I felt trapped, that I wanted to run away all the time. That I was a terrible mother and my children weren't getting what they needed from me. I snivelled and wailed and generally broke down. I stuttered out to him that in the past I had come close to running away/committing suicide.

I still have my kids. Not a sniff of a social worker, no-one even suggested taking my children away (it was one of my big fears too). I was given a prescription (that I was told I didn't have to use if I didn't want to), another appointment was arranged for the next week, I was booked into counselling within a fortnight and was generally treated with nothing but sympathy and concern. It gave me the strength to tell DH what was wrong, after all I had just told a complete stranger. He asked me why I had gone to the doctor and I showed him the prescription and it all came tumbling out. My family swung into action and my life changed completely from that date. But they had no idea, none at all that I was feeling like this.

If your DH was feeling like this you'd want to know so you could help him wouldn't you?

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Sat 29-Dec-12 00:00:09

Social services have children with serious problems to deal with sweetie. You have a support network, DH, parents, you can do this. Please, start by talking to your mum. If my DD was feeling like this, I would move heaven and earth to help her.

Pumble Sat 29-Dec-12 01:08:27

I'm getting the keys and going. DD2 inconsolable with me again-what a surprise. She knows what a let down as a mother I am. I told dh I couldn't take it anymore and he just said 'it will get easier'.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Sat 29-Dec-12 01:14:50

Nooo. Please dont leave your babies. Your wee one is 5 weeks old. She is going to be far more inconsolable without you! Youve been putting a brave face on things. Your DH doesnt realise how bad you are feeling. Please listen to what people are saying here, and really talk to him! Let him read this thread. If you leave them, you will regret it forever!

AlmostAHipster Sat 29-Dec-12 01:15:36

You have to tell him again, love. Don't go anywhere. Your baby is just being a baby - she needs you. If she's crying, give her to your DH and go and get some sleep. Please go to your GP.

Needathickerskin Sat 29-Dec-12 01:18:35

Pumble, go for a walk, or a drive.
Get some space and breathe.
Then come home.
Give them a hug, get some sleep.
See a dr tomorrow x

Lots of loving mothers feel this way. It's ok. It can be treated. You will feel yourself again.

Pumble Sat 29-Dec-12 01:23:30

Surely the fact I can't comfort her or deal with The screaming shows what a shit mother I am. If I was a good mother the screaming until 3am every night wouldn't be an issue would it? Plus she wouldn't scream until 3am because she would be so much happier. She is so upset and I can do nothing.

Needathickerskin Sat 29-Dec-12 01:31:28

Do you get a break pumble?
Screaming til 3am is a big issue for any mother.
I had 2 colicky refluxy babies and would spend many a night in tears unable to settle them.
You need a break, not to leave.
Your babies need their mum.
And you need to talk to your DH and your GP about how you are feeling.

Needathickerskin Sat 29-Dec-12 01:31:56

And you need a hug xx

clam Sat 29-Dec-12 01:32:15

pumble <<hugs>>

Can I just tell you that my dsis had similar feelings to you when she had 3 dcs under 3 (with twins). Her dd used to wipe her tears away and offer to make her "cuppa tea" as she sat on the stairs sobbing in despair.

This was over 20 years ago, and she now has three of the most lovely,well-adjusted kids you could ever hope to meet. She got through it with support from her lovely dh (which it sounds you have) and family and friends - and anti-depressants for a while too. They helped massively.

It will be OK - but you need to ease up on yourself. You sound like a good mum to me.

butterfingerz Sat 29-Dec-12 01:34:41

My DS (number 2) come out of the womb grumpy, I could literally not put him down at all without him screaming. Some babies are just like that, its no reflection on you as a mother. Maybe your first dd was an easier baby so you feel out of your depth with no 2.

Nevermind your dh, we know what its like. Sometimes its so intense you just want to pull your hair out (or much worse!).

clam Sat 29-Dec-12 01:35:43

And lovie, it might be that your baby is picking up your distress, so think about letting your dh have a go at settling her. That's not to denigrate you as a mum, but to give you a break.

clam Sat 29-Dec-12 01:38:11

I ought to clarify, it didn't take 20 years for my sister to get over it!!! Or for her kids to be lovely!

Please go and see your GP though. They will help you.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Sat 29-Dec-12 01:38:58

I'm going to be blunt now. You are not thinking straight and talking rubbish.
There are any number of reasons why your baby is crying.
1/ colic.
2/ acid relux.
4/being in strange surroundings,
5/ picking up on your anxiety. And many more.
Babies cry. Some just cry because they can.
You arent doing nothing. You are doing your best.
If you leave her, she will be screaming AND motherless. You are her comfort. You are the only comfort she knows. She grew inside you, she is always close to you. She knoes your smell, your voice, how you look, how you taste. She's tiny, she can't see very well yet, she isnt mobile and she cant communicate. YOU are all she has. If you leave she loses that.
You both need to see the Dr. He can check her over thoroughly. Taking her to the Dr is the opening you need. You can get through this. You will get through this. We are here. x

M0naLisa Sat 29-Dec-12 01:41:34

Speak to your HV it gp

I have a 4 week old and have been on anti depressants for 2 weeks now. DH saw that I wasn't coping, crying and with drawing into myself.

Seek help please for your girls. I feel like a failure and a cuddle from DH and my 3 boys make me feel better

Hugs to you it's awful to feel the way you do but your not alone. Xxx

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