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Driving away(1000 Posts)
I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone
Good to hear from you Pumble, doesn't matter how infrequently!
Honestly, you still sound so much better than before, your posts show that you're coping so much better even if it doesn't feel like it from your end.
Are you talking to Mr P about how you're both feeling? It's really hard not to phrase things badly when you're not feeling yourself, so take your time and try not to play Tiredness Top Trumps!
I often wonder how you're doing, but haven't been posting much, still thinking of you tho! x
Hi, just popped in. Sitting with legs raised up on gp's orders as have very badly swollen legs. Self-inflicted due to spending over 9 hours in the car just over a week ago, and not resting/walking since, due to all pavements being slightly sloped and having dodgy knee etc.
.....Anyway, here goes................
..................got a ...............
......................confession to make ..........
.......no can't [runs away and hides]
OK, since there's no-one around....
....but first, a mini one.
'Twas me upthread, talking about singing.
If you hold your hand across your tummy, the way pregnant women do to protect their invisible bump iyswim, and make sure that each inbreath pushes at your hand, you'll know that you're breathing deeply.
Which helps you sing. And means you're more relaxed. You continue breathing abdominally rather than shallow chest breathing. You relax.
Back to previous paragraph. And repeat.
After 32 choruses of Kumbayah, or whatever it took that horrid afternoon, dd was relaxed, stopped crying, and my tears stopped pouring down my cheeks. She still likes Kumbayah, though. Hates the Seekers jazzed up version, despite Judith Durham's fantastic voice. Strangely, I don't feel like singing it any more
A few weeks ago - about the time of the snow at the end of January, I was somewhere in England. The roads hadn't been gritted, and you couldn't see road markings for love nor money. A very nice young man who worked in an ironmongerer's was helping me load some stuff into the boot of the car - or rather he was helping me sort out a long carton that was seesawing from back to front. I was rather stressed......
.......warm and snug, along comes a traffic cop in his white transit van with a colleague. The said policeman, then bawls me out, for parking where I shouldn't yelling at me that I should have seen the zig-zag markings for the crossing.
The zig-zag markings were covered with snow.....
......sad to say I was rather stressed, and on instinct, forgetting that I wasn't at home.......
.......whipped round, and with much arm-waving, yelled back "I'm just loading the boot". In French.
The car was a French one with a French numberplate
The registered keeper was 1,000km south at home
Due to a network failure caused by heavy snow, I couldn't contact them, so they had no idea where the car was - it could even have been stolen borrowed at the time. They would not be able to say who was driving it, or where the car was at any time during a 10-day period.
It is illegal to have a UK driving licence without a correct permanent address on it. I do not have a permanent UK address (nor a temporary one).
To comply with UK law, my UK licence has been exchanged for a French one.
He then yelled at the young gentleman that I'd get a £60 fine and 3 points on my licence.
Shortly after, I fell 4 feet head first on to a block-paved driveway, flattening 1 side of my glasses, and gouging out a nice curve under my eyebrow with the opened out hinge, and another L-shaped lump out of my forehead from the gravel over which I skidded as I dived/tobogganed off the steps. I have the head injuries leaflet from the hospital to prove it.
Due to the bang on the head, my memories of events shortly before may be inaccurate. I probably just imagined it all. It never happened.
Hello Pumble hope you got through the weekend okay, how's it going?
Poor tb sounds like a rotten few weeks, hope your friends who lent you that vehicle don't hear anything from traffic division, meantime get well soon.
hey pumble. life's getting better here but I am still sleep deprived. I understand the inability to express one's self . don't worry about it. we are still flying your flag.
hope you manage to speak to Mr pumble soon. you both sound like you are doing your best.
Several good things, though:
When I fell, the hinge of my glasses broke my fall - the arm was sticking out flat in line with the front.
The glasses I damaged were in the process of being replaced.
Designer frames are worth paying for - my glasses were 2 years old, and were Joan Collins designer ones from Costco with metal corners in front of the hinge that didn't shatter under the impact. My injuries would have been a lot worse if the top of the frame had shattered on impact, and I'd have a lot more than a 2" glasses-frame scar under my eyebrow.
I've now got my new ones (also from Costco) and am waiting for another pair ordered from Vision Express (on a bogof offer) so will have 1 spare pair for mid distance, and another for driving which I can keep in the car just in case.
Total cost for 3 pairs - under £350, and dh has just paid 550 for his lenses!!
Before I write anything else, can I please just do a little dance?!
For the first time tonight I managed to put both girls to bed all on my own including bathing them and they were both in bed and quiet early enough for me to be able to enjoy The Archers with a glass of wine!
I'm feeling just a little bit proud of myself....
Right, back to normal!
I've been doing ok and trying to get through each day as it comes. There have definitely been ups and downs but I am enjoying my girls which is the most amazing feeling after everything we have been through. We are getting out and about as much as we can and pumblett 1 and I are enjoying doing lots of cooking etc (although not sure the baking is helping me lose the weight from pumblett 2!).
I kept meaning to post, but have almost been scared to say that things have finally seemed to be going fairly ok in case I jinx it! I certainly know that there is no way that I would have got through all of this without you all - you will never know how much you have all done for me (and how you have meant that my daughters still have a mummy at home!).
And it certainly wasn't me who almost threw a rock cake across my kitchen at tea time today - no, definitely somebody else! I'm always calm these days....
Well done Pumble!
I was on your thread way up there at the top under a different name and I must say you sound so much better than you did all those weeks ago.
Don't worry about being perfect, I do my fair share of shouting at the DC - last night when DS decided to break one of those balls filled with liquid and glitter all over his pyjamas and bed and this morning when I discovered that DD had put five cereal bars in her lunchbox and nothing else.
It will go up and down but you've lost that despairing tone and it sounds like the worst has passed.
Best of luck with the Pumbletts
I'm so pleased that things are going better for you lovely Pumble. X
And well done on gettig the Pumblettes to bed & being in time for the Archers - great achievement!
I knew I would jinx it. Been gradually falling apart since I posted last. Now sitting here sobbing.
I'm sorry lovely. It sounds like two steps forward, one back.
Big squishy hugs. xxx
Oh no, you haven't jinxed it, you've just proved to yourself that you are capable of feeling well again. I'm so sorry you're feeling low again, but try to take strength from the fact that you know you can get better. It's a shitty rollercoaster, but it's still a huge improvement on the Tunnel Of Doom ride you were on before.
I've been slowly coming off my ADs over the last couple of months, and the difference they've made is dramatic. Nearly off them now.
Pumble lovey - we all want to carry on supporting you, do you think it might be worth asking MNHQ to move this thread into Relationships or somewhere? 90 days deletion must be looming soon? Or you could just start a new thread, but it might be helpful to be able to look back over your progress.
ah. the roller coaster. nah. you haven't jinxed anything. we celebrate the good times with you and support you through the lows.
keep it up! you've done really well
even your lows don't sound so bad anymore
Thank you. Feeling a bit more positive than earlier-you know when it just all becomes too much. I don't really know why-just felt out of control and didn't know how to fix it. Trying to be rational I know it's a blip but somehow it doesn't make it easier trying to get through it at the time. I really appreciate you hanging in here with me-it really, really helps.
That's great news tiddly -really pleased for you.
Will try to get thread moved-no idea how but surely it can't be that hard to figure out! I'd really hate it to be lost.
Right-shall try to get some sleep...
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