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I'm pregnant and DH doesn't know what his depression will let him do

(31 Posts)
hhhhhhh Wed 26-Dec-12 21:21:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crawling Mon 07-Jan-13 08:11:18

Just to say as someone who has severe mental health issues and has had a termination I didn't want please don't have a termination for him, a termination is a very hard thing to do and if you have one for him the anger hurt and guilt will probably put a end to the relationship.

After my termination I couldn't even look at the father and our relationship ended and he wasn't the one who forced me but I blamed him amongst others. you should only ever terminate if you are 100% sure its what YOU want.

hhhhhhh Tue 08-Jan-13 10:29:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crawling Tue 08-Jan-13 11:38:59

oh im so sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself, and again im really sorry for you.

Letsmakecookies Tue 08-Jan-13 17:03:52

So sorry to hear that. FWIW. I would advise waiting before ttc again. I totally understand you feel you want to, need to. I ended up ttc immediately after a miscarriage (where I was very alone in the pregnancy emotionally), and got pregnant very quickly. My xh had/s depression amongst many other things (I didn't know that then), and I wish now with hindsight that I had waited, given myself time to sort out my feelings - tbh I think I would have (and should have) ended the marriage if I had listened to my gut feelings. Instead I had two children and the marriage inevitably failed, because he was totally unable to be the family man I (and I suppose he) wanted him to be leaving me a single mother from the word go. But whatever you decide lots of luck xx

RubyrooUK Tue 08-Jan-13 18:08:20

Monthly, thank you so much for updating. I know it is horribly sad news to update us on, but I have been thinking about what a very difficult situation you were in, so thank you for letting us know.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is a terrible thing to happen to anyone, no matter how conflicted they may be about being pregnant. I have had miscarriages myself and I found the miscarriage/loss boards on Mumsnet to be wonderful in terms of people supporting me and understanding. Although I have lots of amazing RL friends who would have been supportive, when I miscarried, I was so devastated that I couldn't even open up to those people I love. Being able to write it down on Mumsnet really did help. I hope you also find some support over the next few days/weeks/months/years.

I didn't comment earlier on this thread about your DH because having struggled to conceive myself, I find it so hard to be objective about a situation in which someone could actively TTC then suggest an abortion. I'm not judging your DH because he clearly has a great deal of anxiety about his depression and recovery, but it isn't a situation where I felt comfortable about giving good advice.

Obviously whether you TTC again soon or in a while is up to you. I took six months after my last miscarriage before starting to TTC because I needed that time to mourn the baby I lost. I needed to get to a stage where I remembered good things about life for its own sake before trying again. I needed that time for my head to clear.

Also, I think it would be good for you to know that your DH is there with you 100% on any possible future: a future baby, another possible miscarriage and how you both want your family to grow in future, whatever that means. Only because having a child is hard work as well as wonderful, there can be bad times on the way like miscarriages and for me it's vital to know that no matter how hard it gets, my DH was there with me all along.

Again, I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. It's clear you are trying very hard to think about your DH and his feelings and also match those with your own. I really hope you feel better soon. Take care.

hhhhhhh Tue 08-Jan-13 20:36:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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