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partner depressed and blames baby

(4 Posts)
cookingoutsidethebox Fri 07-Dec-12 12:02:47

My OH has always had bouts of getting very down about life usually when he is tired from work - but now he is blaming our baby for the 'pointless'ness of his life. We tried for two years to get pregnant so he had time to think about what he was doing. He is so resentful and angry at me when the flat isn't spotless, very critical and I am exhausted and stressed out trying to maintain everything to his impossibly high standards whilst doing all the childcare (still on mat leave til mid Jan). I am scared from day to day how he is going to be and get so nervous when he comes home from work. He thinks he is working so hard and I am just having fun with the baby even though I tell him I am on the go the whole time and don't even really get a break at night as in one bed flat so share with baby while OH is in living room. I think he is depressed and possibly OCD but he won't seek help.
This situation is just horrible as twice in past month he has basically said he wants to leave but won't 'shirk his responsibilities'. What breaks my heart is that our son adores him and yet OH is saying he wishes we could give him away sad.
Words of encouragement please as feel so sad at the moment, mostly for our gorgeous son who is missing out on a loving daddy but also for partner who doesn't see how lovely the baby is and that actually his life really isn't that bad (he has a home, people that love him incl the baby, health

OhThePlacesYoullGo Fri 07-Dec-12 18:05:07

It sounds like he is going through a really rough time and you are getting the raw end of the deal here. I know you said he doesn't want to get help, but maybe look up the number for you local IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) Service. It is now possible to self-refer, meaning he would not even need to see his GP.

You said 'I am scared from day to day how he is going to be and get so nervous when he comes home from work'. I don't know whether this is the case, but if he is abusive to either yourself or your child, then you should seek help as soon as possible. You could contact the police, or even speak to you GP about it.

Best Wishes! x

expatinscotland Fri 07-Dec-12 18:09:32

Tell him to go. He won't get help, you can't force him to. You don't need this.

ShhhhhGoBackToSleep Fri 07-Dec-12 18:18:53

It sounds like you are all having a rough time at the moment sad

However, there are three different issue here.

1. Your partner is feeling low and does not want to get any help.

This is something you can't change. He needs to accept the situation and ask for he, you can't make him better.

2. Your partner is being controlling and emotionally abusive towards you.

You shouldn't have to be afraid of how he is going to be. It sounds horrible sad

3. Your partner blames your son for his feelings.

This is clearly bollocks, how can it be your childs fault? But I would be angry with my partner for trying to blame a planned baby for him feeling low, particularly if he isn't doing any of the hard work of parenting.

It sounds like your DP is trying to blame everyone but himself for his issues. To be honest, you need to consider your options very carefully. I would not be happy bringing up a chld with someone who says they are staying because of their "obligations" but openly blames me and their child for their problems. I would be tempted to call his bluff and tell him to leave and sort himself out. But it is easy to say that from a distance.

Think about what you want from your life. You don't have to live like this, and you and your son deserve to be happy. If your DP can sort himself out, great, but something needs to change.

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