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Really struggling with a blip

(32 Posts)
natsyloo Wed 21-Nov-12 07:38:35

Hello everyone. Goodness, I haven't posted on here for over a year I think. I used to post regularly about PND as I had a particularly bad experience.

I've generally been pretty well in the past year but am just having a 'blip' which has flawed me. A combination of stress of work and having a virus which knocked me out this weekend has sent me into a really anxious state...I was so wired last night I didn't sleep at all.

I've had CBT and have a good support network. I suppose I just wanted to post for reassurance as I feel really panicky that it's all coming back and I can't seem to apply simple self help mechanisms without obsessing about it all the time...which is obviously making me worse. I came off meds a year ago but am thinking of going to see my GP to review. My job is pretty stressful which sometimes I really like, but if I don't get the balance right it can have a negative impact.

Any advice on how to deal with the blips?

NanaNina Fri 23-Nov-12 22:12:54

Ah Hi Natsyloo nice to hear from you but sorry it's because of the bloody blips again. Im still here blipping away from time to time. Surprising how many other Blippers there are. Defo think we should start a blippers thread.

SO sorry that after a year you have "slipped off the path" again or at least "lost your footing" - I suppose I see depression as climbing a hill to recovery but I keep losing a footing (a few bad days, between 2 and 4 and not too bad, maybe improve later in day) but then I slip off the path and can have approx 8 horrendous days. I always get back on the path again but I would certainly have felt that I had reached the summit after a year.

There is no end to the tricks that Mr A&D has up his sleeve. I've decided he is a man! I now call mine the Head Monster and he comes and goes as he pleases, and I definitely feel he controls me. I do try to put CBT into use and try to stop my automatic negative thoughts spiralling out of control, and making me worse, but it's hard to do when you feel so crap.

When I have had a good few weeks, I alternate between thinking that the HM has gone to sleep and thinking I'm overdue for another's usually the latter!

Dione's post didn't really fit for me (as it did for many others) the shallow hole thing didn't really fit because I don't think my blips are always less awful as they come along - in fact that vary in intensity as well as length. I had the most horrendous 7 days in October, with no respite till it was almost time to go to bed.

Do other blippers feel worse, dependent upon the time of day. Mornings are always worse for me and I can usually pick up through the day, but I know afternoons or evenings are worse for others. The think I hate is that I can't control my life because I never know until I wake up how I am going to be, and so can't plan anything, though my friends know the score and understand.

Diseyw sorry to hear you too are feeling crap - I honestly think you will need more than a week off work as ADs take a while to work and you often feel side effects before you feel the benefit.

Good wishes to all of you blippers and let's hope they are soon over. It is so helpful to know that others are feeling like this (not that I wish it on anyone else) but it is some comfort to know we are not alone. I am OK at the moment but that could change any day.

Natsyloo - I have diazepam for when I get anxious on the bad days (only 2mg) and I find them really effective.

natsyloo Sat 24-Nov-12 10:48:31

Morning everyone. Lovely to hear from you Nananina - though as you say not always in the best circumstance.

I had a really good chat with my sis last night (she is a sport guru) about the importance of balance and I realised that my life has become overly focused on work to the detriment of my own wellbeing. Despite waking up feeling a bit 'icky' I managed to get my trainers on and go for a run down the canal and it really helped to boost my mood.

I know there is no quick fix, that it is complex and very much about personal decisions, but I'm also trying to take a look at how I can change my life to live healthily and try and 'be' rather than 'do''s so easy to get obsessed with endless tasks and 'to do lists' that sometimes we fail to reflect and just try and be still for a little bit.

Take care everyone x

natsyloo Tue 27-Nov-12 07:34:46

Ok so I have to admit it but the blip is beginning to scare me. In my head it would only last a week but I'm finding myself getting more and more anxious. Had another really bad night of tossing and turning - despite taking diazepam. Didn't realise I could even worry about them not working!

I guess what bothers me most is that I can't seem to 'fix' it - even though the rational side of me says that this will happen in its own time. I see the look on people's faces when I say I'm still wobbly and all I can think is that I'm letting myself down. I also realise this is irrational but it's so hard not to think it.

I'm juggling motherhood with a pressurised job and running a support group and inside I just feel I'm not able to handle it. Feels like a big confidence crisis. I've had therapy before so will revisit my notes on self esteem and head back to the docs to see if it's worth looking at ADs.

I'm aware this is a self-obsessed post (again, a very frustrating element of anxiety/depression) but I just wanted to share it in the hope other people could offer some comfort.

Arcadia Tue 27-Nov-12 09:40:41

sorry to hear that you're not feeling so good, natsyloo. I remember you from when I used to come on here a lot too, and like you haven't been on here for a year or so, I used to come on here about my insomnia (which started when I had DD who is now about to turn three). I know what you mean about juggling things, working part time can seem like the best of both worlds but it is also quite a pressure, and I always feel like something is slipping, whether it is my social life or my relationship, or I feel like DD is not getting enough quality attention from me (she is now watching a cartoon and eating crisps, BAD mother!). I also have this constant 'to do' list in my head which never seems to get done!

I have felt down lately too and just started ADs for the first time. I don't feel anywhere near as bad as I did before, just after I had DD, but it feels more like I am a bit ground down and I can't stop thinking negatively. Ironically, if I was feeling really bad I would not have dared to take ADs because of side effects. I was expecting insomnia to get worse but am sleeping really well on citalopram so may be worth a try?

everyone has down phases, and it is not necessarily related to the PND you had. small children are hard work and trying to keep everything going is hard work. It can be hard to accept when you feel you have 'recovered' but there will always be ups and downs in life.

Insomnia is a bitch isn't it? But IME you will only have a certain number of bad nights before your mind and body 'give in' and let you sleep. May be worth trying a short course of sleeping pills like zopiclone and/or over the counter anti-histamine sleeping tablets which have worked really well for me, just to break the cycle. diazepam is not specifically for sleep, from what I know of it.

Sorry this is a ramble. hope you start to feel better soon. X

BeckyBendyLegs Tue 27-Nov-12 10:25:57

Hello Natsyloo (waves to Arcadia fellow ex-insomniac), it sounds like you are being very hard on yourself for all that you are coping with. It sounds to me like you have a lot on your plate so a blip is completely understandable. I know how juggling feels (I have three children, work part-time as a freelance editor and studying for an art foundation degree part-time too). I have blips every now and then still after having a rough time with PND after DS3 was born three years ago. You are just human, you can't run on empty all the time. You need to be kind to yourself, slow down when things are getting on top of you, accept that sometimes anxiety will get the better of you and know that it will get better again. I felt that I got better in waves, there were ups and downs, and the downs got smaller and smaller gradually. There are still downs though. Take care of yourself x

natsyloo Wed 28-Nov-12 07:30:44

Morning Arcadia and BeckBendyLegs - thanks so much for your posts.

Feeling calmer today after a good sleep (thank heavens). It makes all the difference! Went back to doc yest and was prescribed beta blockers for anxiety.

You're right - it's a reminder to me to try and get some balance in life and not put so much pressure on myself to cope. I'm also v lucky to have a supportive network of friends and family who help to put things in perspective and stop the panic spiralling (I am drama girl after all!)

Take care everyone and have a good day x

Arcadia Wed 28-Nov-12 20:17:43

Glad you are feeling better today. I'm a bit dramatic too, but it does make life more interesting!

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