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How do I shake the feeling that good things NEVER happen to me/negative world view?

(10 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Mon 19-Nov-12 17:12:02

Especially in relationships etc. I once was involved with a very abusive man and as a result ended up in a psychiatric ward for a month. During that time I thought that one of the men who worked there said a few abusive things to me such as that I was doomed and that I was swimming in treacle. My late mum rekoned that I imagined this as I was ill but I'm not so sure. I do feel a bit doomed tbh. It has stuck with me. I alos phoned a psychic (stupid I know) when coming out of the controlling relationship and she told me i was cursed in love and if £50 she would lift the curse. It was bollocks of course and I didn't pay but I do sometimes wonder. Again;it has stuck.
I just met a wonderful man on holiday; thought he was the best man I've ever met..and he called it off. Since my abusive relationship I have had 10 years of loneliness punctuated by shitty, abusive relationships and bad break ups. My child's father wanted me to have an abortion and I remember feeling that other peopel especially men have never made me happy.
My subsequent world view is that other people are nasty and dangerous and that there is no point looking for a man because I will just get dumped anyway or controlled. I have been through councelling and cbt and tbh I don't want to spend the rest of my life in councelling.
I am alos fed up of feeling unsupported and that I am the only single person at social events. My mum died last year and my then boyfriend abandoned me during that time as 'he couldn't handle it'. I can't help feeling jealous of my girl friends who have lovely men to support them when life is tougha nd who seem to have a lot of admirers. I know I am having a downer but I am just so fed up of trying to be upbeat and positive when I am getting nowhere.
I am on citralopram etc but I just want to feel at the least like a normal person and at best ; semi succesful.
I alos feel that mabe my morals are too high; some of my mates ahve a few bpoyfriends on teh go but I can't and alos I feel that I am too shy to talk to men who I really like. It's all such a mess.

amillionyears Mon 19-Nov-12 20:41:55

I think I need to go through the things that have happened to you, one at a time.
relationship with abusive man. I have no idea how you were broght up, or in which circumstances, but it is very easy, when young to get mixed up with a man who is capable of bad behaviour.
The man in the psyciatric ward. I would try and totally ignore this. He was likely to be ill himself, and may even later have regretted what he said, or not remembered saying it.
psychic, you already think it is a good idea to ignore this. I agree.
wonderful man on holiday. Most of us have had relationships that were going well from our end, but not always from the other person pov. That is perfectly normal. Also, holiday romances are a bit notorious for being potentially being not much like normal life.Not always, but often.

There is nothing wrong with high morals. tbh, I think that does help to rule out some possible unsuitable partners imo.

I do think you may benefit from some self help books.
Dont know any myself. Hope someone else can help with that.

Also, what social events do you attend?

superstarheartbreaker Mon 19-Nov-12 21:01:47

Thanks for the feedback. The man in the ward was a member of staff btw shockso that makes me very angry that someone who was supposed to be caring for me could be such a tit but I think there is a thread on here about this isn't there?

amillionyears Mon 19-Nov-12 22:16:00

A member of staff shock. That is doubly awful.
Havent seen the thread you are referring to.

superstarheartbreaker Tue 20-Nov-12 20:38:11

Hi all. I was referring to a thread which I saw about people being failed by mental health institutions but I havn't read the whole thing.

I had a very low day today. DD was isk last night etc. I am going to book an appointment with teh doctor and up my dose of citralopran to 20mg. I hate having to rely on drugs. I told my dad that I feel that they just mask the fact that my life is really shit rather than solve any of my problems. I just feel a bit damaged tbh.

amillionyears Tue 20-Nov-12 22:27:32

Did the counselling and cbt help at all?

superstarheartbreaker Wed 21-Nov-12 19:05:28

Not a huge amount tbh. I'm still messed up.

amillionyears Wed 21-Nov-12 19:11:43

You say that your girlfriends have lovely men to support them.
Just speaking from the relationships with men pov, do they give you suggestions helpful tips etc about what they may do different to you?
You say you are too shy for example to talk to men who you really like.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 21-Nov-12 22:00:35

Hi there. Feel better after a bit of Zumba. I guess I need to be happy alone first before hitting the dating game again. Citralopram will help.

amillionyears Wed 21-Nov-12 22:13:33

Good to all of it.

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