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Could someone hold my hand for a minute please?

(37 Posts)
FrozenNorthPole Sat 17-Nov-12 22:28:34

I'm on my own and it would mean a lot to have a virtual hand to hold for a minute.

Trying to prepare for my PhD viva which is on Monday. I have a crying 10 week old baby, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. My DH is in Afganistan. The students next door are having a loud party - bass is thudding through the wall and people are shouting outside. I'm trying to think clearly and analytically having had about 2 hours sleep in 72 hours, but I am so tired that I keep bursting into tears.

Any encouragement or empathy would be lovely. I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post, and sorry for the pity party. People keep blithely saying "I don't know how you do it!" re: kids, degree, job, army etc. etc. and I just want to shout at them that I have no f*cking choice but it doesn't make it easy sad

BlueGuinefort Tue 20-Nov-12 12:09:43


AlreadyScone Tue 20-Nov-12 12:04:50

Congratulations! There now, if ever you are in a tricky patch in the future you can look back at this thread and say "well I got through that!"

StandYourGround Tue 20-Nov-12 00:14:19

Great news! smile

ChippingInLovesAutumn Tue 20-Nov-12 00:00:29

CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS grin

A little time to relax & enjoy life now??

FrozenNorthPole Mon 19-Nov-12 23:18:00

Thank you! grin thanks

HappyTurquoise Mon 19-Nov-12 22:44:32

Fantastic! Well done, and am so glad you enjoyed your viva and got to have fun & debate too, no less. brew

TheNameisNOTZiggy Mon 19-Nov-12 21:25:51

Excellent news. Well done Dr. An inspiration to the rest of us. Hope you get some bubbles to celebrate soon. wine

mignonette Mon 19-Nov-12 21:20:23

Dr Dr Dr!

Well done!

Allalonenow Mon 19-Nov-12 21:18:12

Oh very well done!! Congratulations, I'm so delighted for you Dr. Frozen.

FrozenNorthPole Mon 19-Nov-12 21:06:43

Pass with minor corrections! V relieved. No champagne here, was cooking dinner but celebrated with some scrummy M&S biscuits and a big cup of tea.

Thank you so much for all the lovely encouragement, it gave me a much needed injection of confidence when I couldn't find any myself.

This will sound strange but I really enjoyed it once I got into it - yes it was hard but it was lovely to get opinions and guidance from two senior academics. I came out feeling like I'd learned a lot and debated competently.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! It's so nice to be done.

Allalonenow Mon 19-Nov-12 20:59:59

Hope it all went well for you, and the VC has taken you out to dinner!!
Best wishes for your future.

HappyTurquoise Mon 19-Nov-12 19:45:58

:D Hope it went well today, and you are catching up on some sleep!

BlueGuinefort Mon 19-Nov-12 19:08:51

I am assuming you are too drunk on champagne to type...

BlueGuinefort Sun 18-Nov-12 22:25:02

Really, you WILL be great. Just think how fantastic you will feel by tomorrow evening!

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Sun 18-Nov-12 20:28:19

Good luck!

If your thesis has been accepted, which it clearly has, there is very little indeed that can go wrong at the viva stage.

I can sympathise, I was terrified before mine - and didn't have kids or any of the other things you have to cope with - but it was absolutely fine, the examiners were lovely and told me right away I'd passed.

It will be fine.
Oh, and there is no shame at all in asking for help. You are doing brilliantly, but you need an extra pair or two of hands sometimes, more than most of us.

FrozenNorthPole Sun 18-Nov-12 16:15:00

Sorry for not updating last night - my excuse is that i managed to get 4 hours' sleep in a row! Going 'round there at almost midnight had the desired effect, and they'd all cleared out to a nightclub by quarter past.

I also failed to seranade them at the planned hour as baby DS was feeding, but the extra hours sleep were totally worth the missed opportunity at revenge. I'm saving the euphonium for the day before their finals <joking>

Seriously, you have all managed to do something that I didn't think possible i.e. motivate me again, and make me believe I can do it grin. Thank you!

So on that note I have parked the kids in front of Cbeebies and am annotating thesis as if my life depended on it. I also asked for help today (not something I find easy to do) so my parents have been here for a few hours.

All that to say ... my viva is at 2pm, so I will be updating here as soon as I get home, for better or for worse! Thank you for all the good luck wishes too.


TheNameisNOTZiggy Sun 18-Nov-12 00:26:51

Good luck! You are amazing to have done all this. Take LO round & threaten lactation & baby excrement all round.... Ooh & do play those songs at 7am. Would be fab to video their response!

Good luck.

Allalonenow Sun 18-Nov-12 00:25:19

What you need now is rest, put your books away, try to relax, cuddle the baby, if you have got any chocolate in the house eat it now.

Tomorrow, well later today, get yourself organised for Monday so you can be as calm as possible on the day.

Remember to smile at them all as you walk into the room, you will be wonderful!!

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sun 18-Nov-12 00:25:18

Have you been around there yet grin

As you clearly have nothing better to do, you could update your profile.

Honestly, you are making me feel old. I remember when all of that seemed 'do-able' <until some git threw a party next door> nowdays just reading your post has me exhausted.

Aren't there any doting grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, local shop owners, drunks on park benches that could look after the kids for a few days hours for you??

HappyTurquoise Sun 18-Nov-12 00:18:39

a Phd is awarded to recognise a contribution to human knowledge. Your Viva is not an exam, it's just to show that it is your own work, that it was done well, and it's an original contribution (from DH who did a Phd 20 odd years ago).

mignonette Sun 18-Nov-12 00:15:18

Women like you are truly an inspiration to me whether you feel like one or not. I mean that. Good luck. And don't forget to play that Euphonium loudly first thing the morning after your Viva, at 7 a.m. Just so they wake up in time for their first lecture of the day.............

PoppadomPreach Sun 18-Nov-12 00:10:42

I had a complete and utter meltdown 6hours before my viva. When my friend came round to pick me up she took one look at me and laughed (at first she tried not too but she couldn't help it) and said I was a right silly cow for getting myself so worked up. She was right. But I think pre-viva wobbles are common

You don't need to study for a viva like an exam. You do know everything, sleep and relaxation are the absolute best things for you now.

The party will end. You will get rest. For now, could you just reflect in how amazing you've been to get yourself this far. Because submitting a viva in itself is no mean feat.

Stop revising!

HappyTurquoise Sun 18-Nov-12 00:02:03

Now you're talking! grin

FrozenNorthPole Sat 17-Nov-12 23:30:40

I'm laughing now! grin Damn, you lot are good.

I have decided to review today's work for 20 minutes then go 'round with baby DS in tow and threaten to lactate all over their possessions if they don't all sod off to a club. I will backcomb my hair, don my oldest dressing gown, and perhaps only wear one shoe, to ensure that they take me seriously as a woman on the edge.

I'm also sorely tempted to dig out the euphonium from the attic and play cheery marching songs outside their window about 7 hours from now. I'm sure that will be appreciated.

HappyTurquoise Sat 17-Nov-12 23:22:09

Virtual hand holding. Hope things are improving so you can get some sleep.

In my imagination, I thought you could...
Get some big pieces of paper and (Love Actually style but reversed message) write on each one a pertinent fact, e.g. 'Your noise is keeping me and my children awake' 'I have my PhD Viva in less than 48 hours' I have had 2 hours sleep in the last 72 hrs' 'I have contacted my husband in the army and he's sending round the heavies to deal with you lot if you don't all start being very quiet and very nice to me.'
'should you survive this, I will remember and when exam time looms for you, vengeance will be served cold, long into the night.' 'Bear in mind I am well ahead of you lot on the experience front and when you sit your viva, I might be the one you sit opposite and will decide on your fate.' 'you are earning very bad karma'

OK, they are too long, and threats are tempting but probably not ideal, but you get the gist.

Go in next door & take photos of them (that always gets people worried). Turn music off (unplug). Show them the posters. Walk out.

Early tomorrow morning, put your music/radio up very loud and go out for a walk with DCs.

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