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Help me

(8 Posts)
ChocobananaBalls Fri 16-Nov-12 19:55:13

I am depressed. It has hit me like a ton of bricks this evening. Cried all the way home in the car and can't stop crying. I feel physically sick and panicky. I don't see how anything will ever get better or that I will feel better. I've been just about coping and holding it together until now. EVen my DS, aged 4 , can't make me smile. I just want to run away, or go to sleep and never wake up.

Please help me and tell me I will get better sad

Sparklingbrook Fri 16-Nov-12 19:56:51

Hello Choc. It will get better but you need to get some help.

Do you want to say what's troubling you or is it something you can't put your finger on?

amillionyears Fri 16-Nov-12 19:57:04

Have you been to the GP about it?

Sparklingbrook Fri 16-Nov-12 20:11:08

Choc. Are you ok?

NanaNina Fri 16-Nov-12 20:45:36

Choc you need to see your GP as a matter of urgency. The syptoms you mention are very typical of depression (I speak from first hand experience) and it is a truly terrifying condition. It is a deceitful illness and makes us believe things about ourselves that aren't true. You will probably be prescribed meds, which can be very effective.

Has this depression been building up, as this is what usually happens and gets worse as it builds up and you reach a crisis point, which is probably where you are now. You will get better but you won't be able to believe that now. Do you know what the origin of your depression is? It is usually related to loss of some kind (not necessarily a bereavement)

Do you have anyone in RL you can turn to for support?

You need to make an appt to see GP on Monday.

Let us know how you are - this thread has got me through some very dark days.

ChocobananaBalls Fri 16-Nov-12 23:46:15

Nana you have described it exactly sad. And yes it has been building up and building up. I've had some dark moments but always got through it. Then last week I had a panic attack for the very first time and I did think Ithings must be getting bad and maybe I'd hit a crisis. Well here it is sad.

I've actually been taking lofepramine for a couple of weeks.
Cause of all this: Very long term stress due to health and job. I've now been made redundant and have a meeting to attend on Monday to tell me so. I have been trying to fight some very unfair accusations and it has worn me down. I have been jumping through hoops to try and please the powers that be. Lots of lies have been told. It's bullying frankly.

I've hit rock bottom tonight. I have my DP who cares and says he will be supportive. But I feel very alone and very scared right now. I'm not myself anymore and I don't know what is happenin to me sad.

Thank you for your support everyone.

NanaNina Sat 17-Nov-12 12:10:23

Hi choc - it sounds like you have seen a GP and been prescribed lofepramine (which I assume is an AD) Two weeks is not long enough to know whether this drug is the right one for you. Sometimes you get worse when you first starting taking ADs before the benefit kicks in. It can take up to 4 weeks. Maybe you already know that ADs work differently on different people (just to screw us up some more!) It is unfortunately a case of trial and error. I hit rock bottom April 2010 (2nd severed episode of depression) and was admitted to psychiatric hospital for 3 months. It was ok but none of the nurses really bothered with you and it was very boring. I haven't fully recovered (possibly because of my age 68) I can be fine for weeks even months and then the Monster returns and I have some very bad days. I am due to see my GP next week to ask for a referral to the psychiatrist to see if he can increase my dose or add something to the drug i'm taking, which is imipramine which is an old fashioned tryclic, and yours has a similar sounding name. They usually like to prescribe the SSRIs now.

SO I absolutely understand the anxiety (which is the medical name for fear) and horror of this dreadful illness that cannot be understood by anyone who does not have first hand experience. It also is very difficult to describe to someone else. I know exactly what you mean when you say "you are not yourself any more" because it is like a stranger has come and taken overy your body and mind. On my bad days I am constantly saying "This is not who I am."

I have read lot of stuff on depression and anxiety (as they almost always go together) and remember one description - It is like being alone in a foreign country, you can't speak the language, you are paralysed, blind and deaf. Of course we aren't any of these things but for me this sounded like I felt.

I know you're scared and don't know what is happening to you but you have a depressive illness and you are probably quite severely depressed just now, and this is not suprising given all that you have been through with your employers and the loss of your job. Thank god you have a supportive DP.

You need to be kind to yourself, and not try to "push" yourself to do things. Depression takes away our motivation, we lack interest in anything - it effects people different ways - I always feel flat and empty on my bad days and i I'm luck I improve through the day. Many people just want to stay under the duvet and want to hide from the world. Again this is quite a natural thing to want to do. I do this but always get up by mid day to shower and then at least I feel I've done something. There is a great deal of support on here from people who have or are suffering from the torment of depression.

You mentioned other health problems that have contributed to your present state of depression - do you want to say what they were/are?

Incidentally don't worry that you will not make a complete recovery, because 4 out of 5 people with depression will make a complete recovery in 4 - 6 months, and when I had my first episode when I was 20 years younger, this is what happened for me. My recurring depression is due to my age and this often happens with the over 65s.

Depression also makes us absolutely certain that we will never get better (It's another of it's nasty tricks it plays on us) but you will get better butit is going to take time. It also makes us feel that it's our fault and we should be doing something about it, but we wouldn't think that if we had a physical illness. Depression makes us believe things about ourselves that aren't true.

Think of you and hope you can come back..........NN

SurreyMummy2 Sat 17-Nov-12 12:29:34

You poor thing. One good tip for panic attacks is to check you are breathing. It sounds silly but it is very easy to tense all your muscles and thus take very shallow, quick breaths. This means you don't have enough oxygen in your body and you will feel dizzy. This makes you panic even more. Take deep, slow breaths and count in and out for three. It won't help the depression but it will help the panic attacks. I hope your GP can help you more.

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