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turning into a horrid, jealous, pathetic person, help!(11 Posts)
I am feeling so completely shit about myself at the moment. To sum up, i feel like everyone else has a better life; more friends, is more intelligent and witty, more money, better job etc etc the list is endless. I have tried to get involved by doing a bf peer supporter course however no-one ever attends the group i go to, so the whole thing seems like a total waste of time.
I hate facebook but for this peer supporter thing from time to time i have to go on there. I am confronted by everyone else's successful lives and how everyone seems to be able to connect with people around them.
Sorry this is such a rant, does anyone feel able give some advice, or has felt like this ever?
Hey itchy, alot of us feel like this sometimes, including me, you're not alone. I live in a very affluent area but often feel like a peasant! There are alot of professional people around us & I constantly feel like I'm under-achieving.
However, I do question why some of these people force their professions, opinions & self promote to such a cringeworthy degree. What have they got to prove? I see the heirachy at the school gates too & can sense insecurities between these people.
This applies to facebook too. I know people in EA relationships who sadly tell us all how wonderful their life is. We all have ups & downs & probably tend to voice the 'ups' more. I think this leads us to believe a distorted view of other peoples lives. Dont believe the hype!
Is there a burning desire to do something else? Or are you actually happy with your lot? We can allow judgements of others affect that reality.
Thanks for your reply mashedpotatohead, I guess i have always suffered with low self confidence. I know i am not very academically bright (also i did manage to train at uni for 3 years, so maybe not a complete thicko!) I live in quite a deprived area as due to our modest income it is all we can afford. I know i have lots to be happy about but I just can't stop comparing myself with everyone around me. I felt like this when i suffered with depression a couple of years ago. As the depression lifted i felt these negative feelings got less too. The re appearance of these negative thoughts makes me worry that the depression is back. Although i have good days, i also feel like i am going down again. I just wish that we could go back to the days before social networking and we didn't hear all about everyone's fab jobs, relationships, kids etc. etc.
Ah go easy on yourself! Do try to look for what you've got, not what you haven't. And I'm the same though - next week we're visiting friends in their fuck-off new mahoosive hiuse with another new baby... she's never worked and always off playing tennis or drama class 'with the girls'. They are nice folks too and don't rub our noses, but I can't help looking and thinking 'that's my life you've got there!' Not the tiny home, cant afford more kids and will need to work until I'm a million as I can't afford to retire! What with redundancies, having to take jobs a third or a half what we were on before (dying and/or very changed professions).
All the mums at school are either married to very well off chaps of high powered super smart city women. It's just so damned depressing!
I should count my blessings, I know, but sometimes you can't!
Everyone has a bit of this feeling inside them - that there's always someone else who is prettier, richer, happier and so on. It's not real though - deep down the pretty/happy/rich person has worries and feelings of inadequacy of their own - they may not be about the same things but they are definitely there. A lot of what goes on FB and so on is IMHO a crock of s***, people trying to impress other people when in fact those other people don't really care that much, they are just busy getting on with the good and bad in their own lives and won't live or die by a 'friend' getting a new house or pair of boots. I know you are finding it hard but try to focus on what you have good in your life and forget about the shallow stuff - happiness and health is worth a million tennis classes or diamond rings. Having said all that, if you do think the depression is taking hold again, deal with it fast before it takes a hold. Good luck.
Thanks for all the replies. Its nice to know its not just me that feels like this. I have had a crappy week really suffering with a rotten cold and been cooped up at home with the little ones, which is not great for my mental health.
I do so hate, hate, hate Facebook though and i am seriously considering taking myself off. Would that be self preservation or just a little weird!
I don't go on much just now and again for the odd reason, but there it all is, everyone elses lives confronting me! I wish they would all just sod off with their new shoes and the marvellous lives. I truly am a miserable bugger.
Has anyone taken themselves off social network sites for similar reasons?
That is one reason I don't go on them! That and all the mad buggers on there!
I don't go on them I just don't get it. I work in a
bitchy office where facebook users are often downright nasty about their facebook "friends". Why do people share their intimate (usually relationship) problems on there? Wierd. Even RL friends use it to gossip - why would anyone put stuff on there to be gossiped about?
But I know what you mean about making things worse for yourself by not being on there. As I get older though I find I'm past caring!
I know, i just don't get the point of it. Now i am certainly no high brow intellectual that's for sure, but surely its all a bit teenage and daft.
What compounds my feelings of isolation is feeling that i am in the minority with how i live my life. For example i am only 33, so should probably be bang into all this popular culture shit. I am not a total square as i love music, comedy and everything really, except for the things everyone else seems to be into. I can't stand programmes like xfactor or so you think you can dance etc. I went out to a club with a few people last Sat (first time in ages cos of little ones) I found i hardly knew any of the tunes played and most of them i hated. Is it just my age? I know a lot of people older than me who know all the current artists and stuff. I sometimes feel that my husband and i live in a bubble away from all mainstream culture. It means that i always feel slightly on the outside as i never really know what people are talking about. On the hand though i am not really clever and educatated enough to join in with high brow conversation either. Think i am destined never to fit in anywhere! story of my life really.
Perhaps you just need to decide what you like and enjoy doing that. If you're not naturally interested in what they are can you force it? I absolutely can't stand football for lots of reasons, and I'm not really into following c'lebs - I've have sometimes thought it would be good to get into these things just to be able to connect with people a bit better but it'll never happen!
We all worry too much about what other people think. I'm a bit older than you but I'm starting to see that you care less as you get older about that "not fitting in" feeling. There's loads of people out there that feel it all the time or some of the time. You just decide what you want and go for it and sod everyone else!
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