Ashamed to be feeling this way.

[FleeBee]

Ive been struggling since DC2 was born 3 years ago, moved to a new house, lost my job (redundancy) DH working and we are scraping by on his salary.

DC1 started reception in September, and DC2 just started with 15 hours preschool.

I just feel I'm not coping or enjoying my children, my house is a mess, I can't seem to get motivated. I feel I'm getting through/enduring each day, not getting any pleasure from anything.

I don't know where to begin to go back to work, social scenes terrify me. On occasion I've been invited out, I back out with an excuse at the last minute, I avoid leaving the house apart from essential school run or supermarket. I don't really have any friends and I've drifted from others. I'm so lonely but don't help myself out of it by avoiding social contact.

My and DH and I are drifting apart, I know he resents me for not keeping the house clean and tidy when it's my job, I've put on weight through comfort eating. I don't feel we're equals anymore that I'm beneath him.

My doctor suggested Citalopram for depression. The box is downstairs, I haven't opened them as DH wasn't keen on the idea, thinks I should "snap out of it". I'm scared of starting the tablets. I read the leaflet today. Should I take them will they "fix me"

I'm so down, I feel so unworthy, my children and my Dh deserve better. I don't want to be here anymore.

[Goonatic]

I think it sounds like a good idea to try them, things sound rough for you at the moment. Snap out of it is a very unhelpful way of talking to you about it all. I hope you have some replies from people who understand how you feel and can give you better advice soon.

[alwaysworriedtoo]

Sorry you are feeling so down. It is hard to get motivated sometimes.
Our house was recently an absalute mess and I just got to the piont where I didn't know where to start. I hated it if anyone came around and thought I was a slob! But Doing a little bit at a time has really helped. Even just ten minutes on that chair (the stuff piled on it) make sure an object either goes in the bin in a treasure box/ box file (Childrens pictures or important letters I have box files for) or goes into a 'proper' home ie in the cupboard or on the book shelf. I have been really ruthless and thrown out about six bags of rubbish, I can't believe how much paper stuff we had that was really no good! There was about five bags of toys, books, games, clothes that went to charity shop and I have got a pile on the landing that I am slowly listing on ebay, a couple of items a night. (though D.H complained about the pile, asking where I was going to 'put it'? I explained that it had to stay there until it was sold and asked if he knew a better place to put it in the meantime? he had no answer to a better place so there it has stayed!)
It has been hard, sometimes I have walked into a room and just stood looking at it until I realised that it won't get done unless I do it.
It has been worth it, if anyone comes around now I don't feel as embarased and I actually feel a bit lighter alsmost as if all the stuff has lifted off me and not just out of the house.
Social Contact is hard especially if you are shy as well. But giving some-one a smile even if you don't say anything and then getting a smile back can make you feel a bit happier.
Sometimes I think husbands don't understand how to react to situations, if you can pluck up the courage to start taking the tablets, do. trust that the doctor knows what he is doing.
Also set a target of maybe a dedicated half hour to play a game with the children, even just a game of cards, snap ar something similar, even do a jigsaw. they will love it and it might help you relax and feel happier too.
Sorry this is so long but I hope some of it may help and that you start to feel better soon.
Just think if you arn't 'here' anymore you won't be able to play 'snap' with your children, and they would miss all your cuddles.

[amillionyears]

I think you should do as your doctor suggested.
If it is depression, I dont think with the best will in the world, that you will just be able to snap out of it.
What does it say on the leaflet about how long you should take them for?
It doesnt have to be forever, as far as I know.

[kingsriver]

fleebee, please start taking those anti-depressants straight away. They take quite a while to kick in so the sooner you get going the better. (my dh is 14 weeks on them now with a subtle improvement after 4 weeks, again after 6 weeks but a dramatic difference around the 12 week mark) There's some really good info on the NHS website about depression and the feelings you describe tick all the boxes. Try and look at it as a chemical imbalance in the brain that medication will help sort out for you. There is absolutely no shame in anxiety/depression, it's very prevalent nowadays and I'm not saying it's easy to sort out but it is definitely do-able. Life is hard and it gets to everyoe at some point. Talking to a counsellor would really help too. You will need support from your dh but start with a counsellor and maybe your dh could go with you on a subsequent visit. He should bear in mind that one day he may need your help but now you need his. Please please remember that you are the most important person in your children's lives, they need you so very much. You will be ok but reach out for help please.