Partner with depression - trying to hold it together

[Poppetspinkpants]

Hope this is the right place to post.
My DP has had chronic depression for 10 years, controlled (mostly) by Cipralex 5mg. But he still gets breakthrough, and ATM he's having a huge one.
He changes, just changes so much. He doesn't sleep, has big insecurity issues combined with sexual compulsion. I don't want sex with him when it's at its worst - it just feels like it's for the wrong reasons. The GP keeps trying to persuade him to lower the dose, but I really think it would be worse if he does.
The insecurity issues mean that he's basically accused me of affairs, and implies that I'm not paying him enough attention. The fact we've got 2 kids and I work doesn't seem to count.
Some days I wish that he would go off and kill himself so that me and the kids could be free of it. I'm sitting here in tears typing this, because it feels so hard- I keep thinking that as soon as my youngest is old enough I'll leave and take them with me.
Anyone else going through this? I love him, I really do, but I can't handle it any more.

[kingsriver]

Hi there poppet,
Your message title caught my eye as my dp is also suffering with depression but it's not as chronic a situation as yours. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Is there any other options medication wise? Would it be worth having a second opinion regarding his meds. I only say it because if he's been with the same GP for a long time maybe he's not considering newer options. I'm new to this whole area so forgive me if I'm being naive.
My dp started getting stressed 6 months ago with it really coming to a head in early August. We went to the local GP and he started on Lexapro which was slow to have any effect but eventually kicked in around 2 weeks ago. What a relief to be slightly less worried, it's only when you relax a little that you realise how wound up you get worrying about them, their mood, what's going to happen next etc. He went to see a psychiatrist today (got a referral through dp's brother who's a doctor) and she said she is sorry he didn't come to see her sooner, that maybe she could have helped sooner. She says he has a long way to go to get back to himself but we're both happy to be in her care now. The GP just wrote a script and sent him off. I have been holding it all together as best I can for the last 6 months (have a 2yr old ds) but I seem to be struggling the last few days with worry and anxiety (lots of upcoming stuff with DPs family business). Feel like I could do with meds myself but not sure if I want to go down that road quite yet.
Anyway I'm sorry I can't be of more use, this life and love sure brings it's challenges. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass. As long as you and your kids are safe, that's the main thing.