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I hate my life so much right now

(51 Posts)
NienorNiniel Sun 04-Nov-12 22:43:30

Just that really. I hate my life. My house is a mess. My kids don't listen to me. I am failing them as a parent. I have no one to talk to. I am so alone. I can't think. I don't know what to do. Please help me.

mrsmplus3 Sun 04-Nov-12 22:53:00

So sorry youre feeling like this. Weve all been there. Well done for having the guts to admit this and getting off your chest on here. You need to call your doctor in the morning and get an appointment ASAP. Counselling is great, you'll prob get put on the waiting list. It's late so I'm keeping it short but will check in tomorrow. Deep breaths. Do you pray or meditate? Both help me. Drink lots of water. Go a walk. Eat well. Look after yourself! That's so so important for good mental health smile

mrsmplus3 Sun 04-Nov-12 23:02:29

Come back with something please, I don't know if I can go to sleep without knowing that you're ok?

NienorNiniel Mon 05-Nov-12 07:34:52

Not going to call the doctor. I don't need the stress that will cause. Already have too much else to cope with. Counselling is not great for me. I can't talk to people. Need to go to sleep for a long time. In the quiet and dark. But if I wake up the mess is still here. Nothing is ever fixed. It just gets worse everyday.

mrsmplus3 Mon 05-Nov-12 19:06:32

Please at least look up the nhs mental health site then. You need to see that you're not alone and lots of people feel the way you do at times in their life. You sound depressed. There is a healthy way out so please seek help. Think of your kids. And yourself. You deserve to feel happy. And you will again once you get some help.

BabsJansen Mon 05-Nov-12 19:33:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amillionyears Mon 05-Nov-12 20:46:09

NienorNiniel, hello.
You can talk to the Samaritans at any time, and email them.

Wouls you be willing to see a Church Minister. They are there for all people, not just those who sometimes go to church. They can also be emailed.

How old are your children?

amillionyears Mon 05-Nov-12 20:47:19

Talk to us on MN
You are not alone.

NienorNiniel Mon 05-Nov-12 22:12:29

I am not depressed. I am not choosing to live like this. Why would I choose this? I hate my life. i hate my life because it is so messed up. I have tried everything I can to fix it. I tried as hard as I could. It is still messed up. That is not a choice. It does not make me depressed. It makes me a failure.

GupX Mon 05-Nov-12 22:15:07

I felt like a failure too but in fact I was depressed. Three months later, on a very low dose of ADs and having CBT and I feel like the old 'me' again.

DO go and get some help.

mrsmplus3 Mon 05-Nov-12 22:22:19

It doesn't make you a failure at all but I can't help you with that attitude. You're not even trying to meet me half way here. I really hope you feel better soon. Take care.

NienorNiniel Mon 05-Nov-12 22:39:21

Now people here tell me what I think is wrong too. Same as the doctor would. Same as they did before and all the counsellors and psychiatrists too. Taking pills isn't going to cure me. There is nothing to cure. I can't go back to an old me. There is no past version that was different. I have always been this way. I am just not good at doing all the things other people do easily. It is fine if people don'nt want to believe that. It is not fine for people to tell me they know how I feel better than I do myself.

mellowdramatic Mon 05-Nov-12 22:55:18

Gosh I feel just like you do sometimes. When I'm feeling bad I'm sad and angry that I can't be better than I am - I make mistakes with work/fashion/parenting/shopping/cleaning/relationships/everything. Luckily for me I do bounce back and have lots of good days too.

You are definitely giving yourself a hard time. Nobody's perfect and nobody keeps juggling all the balls all the time - sometimes we all drop one (or six)! You're really not a failure, you're just human doing the best you can.

wrt messy house - can you make a decision to keep one or two rooms tidier for a while and not worry so much about the rest?

Don't try to fix everything all at once.

mrsmplus3 Mon 05-Nov-12 23:05:35

I don't do things easily either. Life is a struggle for me too. That's why your thread caught my attention. But I fight my way through it for myself and all my family who love me and need me. I am beginning to feel happy and hopeful about life- after 30 odd years of trying! It seems you have no fight left. That's why we're all deeply concerned and want you to help yourself by doing something about it. You can't give up. smile at least you're talking here, that's a good step. One day at a time.

NienorNiniel Mon 05-Nov-12 23:18:59

The whole of upstairs has not been tidy in over 1 year. Some parts like my room and the top landing attic not in 3 years since I moved here. Same for outside in the sheds and gardens. Downstairs I try to clean it every week. But it takes me so much time. I don't have much time to do it. If I don't have the time I need to do it all I do none. I can't just do some because that breaks the right order. Then when I do get it all tidy it gets messed up again in a few hours. My kids don't keep anything tidy. I ask but they don't listen. I failed them because I don't give them the right examples in life. I don't have time to keep cleaning all the time and every day. I have so much other work to do. I also get too tired all the time. I need to find a routine that works right but dont know how to do that. I need to change what I do now. I know that. when I try though I can't. i makes my head hurt so much I can't think. then i am confused and still nothing gets fixed.

mellowdramatic Mon 05-Nov-12 23:25:54

I know I am a very bad parent for doing this but mine don't get fed until the room's tidy. They especially don't get treats - they need to help you out some - how old are they?

mrsmplus3 Mon 05-Nov-12 23:32:57

I hear you. You are making sense and I do understand and identify with what you're saying. But what I'm saying to you is you need some help initially, to calm yourself down and to get this problem of multiple chores and a messy house into perspective and once you're a bit more stable then you can tackle distributing chores, disciplining your kids and sticking to it. God knows I've caved in a million times just to get them to shut up and give me a minutes peace. Everything you are describing sounds like an exhausted mum. So you need some help. Get a doctors line to be off work. Tell a family member or good friend all this and get them to watch kids for a whole day so you can sleep. Are they all in school? Cant you get help to sort house over thd few weeks youre off work with stress? I have loads of ideas to help but need to sleep soon as I'm up early for work. I will check in again tomorrow night. The fact you've opened up a bit is a great thing smile sleep well please

mrsmplus3 Mon 05-Nov-12 23:33:55

Mellow you are funny grin

mellowdramatic Mon 05-Nov-12 23:43:36

Well if you can't laugh.... I was half joking about not feeding the kids wink

Nice to know mrsm that you have had hard times and come through it.

NienorNiniel Tue 06-Nov-12 00:05:58

I will try not feeding the children. They won't like that. I am worried that they will tell other people. That will just cause me more stress again. They are 5 and 6 years old. They don't get treats much times anyway.

mrsmplus3 Tue 06-Nov-12 00:36:26

She was only kidding- feed your children for goodness sake! smile

amillionyears Tue 06-Nov-12 08:38:23

NienorNiniel, with respect to mellowdramatic and mrsmplus3, I think if I were you, I would somewhat ignore them.
For some reason, they are starting to joke, and I dont think joking is what you need right now.
I think you need some practical help.
I would advise you to post on the special needs topic on MN for advice on where to get practical help.
I am also going to report the 2 posters above as what they are posting is inappropriate for you right now.

mayihaveaboxofchoculaits Tue 06-Nov-12 09:04:53

I get that your not depressed ,people have a knee jerk reaction and cant see what they cant fix with pills.
Do you have another adult you can get help from? Lonliness is a practical prob as well as an emotional one. you arent broken you just need some practical solutions, your not broken, your just stuck.

If your house is such a tip ,limit the rooms kids are allowed into. Start with your bedroom and work from there.
Make it clutter free, fly lady it if you have to. You have laid down one rule and WHEN you kids see you respecting that space , keep that going and move onto the bathroom,then the kitchen...
Dont try to do everything and get discouraged, get the satisfaction from one job. Dont know how old your kids are, dont tell them to do things,keep them away from things you value (bedroom)and get them to work alomg side you (10 mins tidying kitchenfor example).

You cant do anything by yourself ,and you are not a failure for not being able to do this. You need an injection of adult help. How often do you get out of the house? If you are sitting in it ,you will feel like you are stewing (i know that).
I am chronically lonely, so this is do as I say not what I do right? Get involved with a social church(perk of being religeous),local volunteer society,help out at a food bank. Anything that developes a social life that you dont have to pay for and wont make you feel bad.
Help other people,and try to get your kids involved might help them turn around.Hope other peolpe have some ideas.Good luck

BabsJansen Tue 06-Nov-12 09:19:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

keekeeblue Tue 06-Nov-12 09:52:38

Hi Nienor smile

How are you feeling today? I have felt the same way you are feeling. Too much to do, so exhausted, everything gets on top of you, feel guilty for not spending quality time with children. My GP signed me off work for just over two weeks and then I took a week annual leave. After getting my DS to school I was lovely just to come home and be by myself. I used to take naps for the first week. In the second week I wrote a list every day of what I wanted to accomplish - keep it very short - for example clean the bathroom and do half an hour ironing. Just take it bit by bit, try not to think of the whole picture (house) as long as kitchen and bathrooms are clean don't worry. Try to get your children to put their toys away in the evening and dirty washing in laundry basket - every little helps.

Thinking of you - hang in there x

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