I feel so alone. I'm a single mum of 3, my middle child is in the throes of being diagnosed with ADHD and ASD.
I can't get her to go to bed, she is screaming at me that she hates me. I'm in my room just in floods of tears. I'm so tired of all this I can't do it anymore. Her father does not believe me he says she doesn't act like it with him and his partner.
I really can't go on like this. I'm not the right parent for her, I'm fucking this up. I'm fucking up the other two. I screamed at my eldest to go to fucking bed.
I'm just a horrible horrible mother. They don't do thus for anyone else. Just me,
They are better off with their father. I don't know how to go on.
I am sorry, it sounds really hard for you. Looking after 3 children on your own is difficult enough without having to cope with additional needs and uncertainty.
You are not a horrible mother, just stressed and in need of support. I hope you have family and friends you can call when things get really hard. Can you have a chat with your health visitor or make an appointment to see your GP and be honest about how bad you feel.
Could it be that not only are you dealing with the separation from your DH but so are your children ? . How long ago was this and how old are they? If this is possible and you have family close by that could look after the children, why don't you give yourself some time to yourself to think about what direction you and your children's lives will take and also to read up on what ADHD and ASD so they don't seem so scary?
I had work today so had to get through that. Just walked through the door. We have been separated for two and a half years. I know I haven't been great and hold my hands up to it. I was useless for the first 18 months and I still find the whole thing just unbelievable. I can't get my head around it, went from being happy to having a completely different life. I now have little to no money, work all the hours and my children just run rings around me. His life appears to be 1000 times better and it's so hard to cope with. He can't see there are issues with my child. He says its all in my head. I'm beginning to think it is.
No they have after school clubs and he does not live by so not really possible. They go for two days every other weekend and its made quite clear that he has a weekend off from them. I should say I always have my eldest with me as its not his child and that father hasn't been on the scene for many years.
Queencat, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I have a ds diagnosed with Asbergers and a five year dd also in middle of diagnosis for ADHD and sensory Intergration issues. I know how disheartening and exhausting all of this can be. I dealt with an xhusband not able/ willing to understand his son's special needs. Sometimes, being a mum feels very lonely. I can only offer words of encouragement and support. Xx
If it's of any comfort, IME most children tend to get angry/lose control with the people they feel safe with. More often than not, this is with a parent they are securely attached to, as they know they can let it all out and the parent will still love them afterwards.
Of course, this doesn't help the practicalities of the situation or change the fact that it hurts like hell, but please don't assume that your children have a better relationship with their father just because they are better behaved with him when actually the opposite may be true.
What tethers said...in my situation my xhusband is the "fun" parent. Dinners out, cinema, staying up late. I am much more skint and can't do fancy things for my children. I also insist on normal meals and early bedtime..
Completely agree with tethers. Your children are definitely acting out because you love them unconditionally/and they feel safe with you. The XH has a new life for himself and doesn't see the children everyday therefore he has no idea what daily family life is like. As Cynner says the XH is usually the fun parent and my XH tries to be more like a friend than a parent which is not helpful.
Just remember your children love you and you love them dearly. You are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances. x
Completely agree Cynner, we usually have a difficult 24/48 hours when DS comes home while he adjusts to home life again. I feel for him though as two different types of parenting must be sometimes confusing, I try not to let him play on it though, and thankfully he passed the stage where he tries to play us off against each other. When he was 3/4 yo he used to shout and scream at me that he hated me and wanted to live with his Dad. I used to get so upset until one time when I went upstairs to get the suitcase and said right then if you want to live with Dad let's get your things packed. He didn't do it after that!
Keekee, I have had the same things said to me by dd. When she turned twelve I allowed her to live with her father. Everything was wonderful and brilliant in the beginning. As the year past she came to know cracks in xhusbands facade. She is happily back with me now. I absolutely agree with your statement about children instinctively understanding who they are safe with.