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Oh god I desparately need some advice/hand holding (may upset)

(50 Posts)
CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 18:42:03

First of all I apologise for any typos or if this makes no sense at all, I am in such a state.
I have just opened the post, a letter from my brother. I haven't spoke to him for 7 years. We used to live together, I was 16, didn't get on with family so our uncle let his flat to us. At first all was fine, then my brother got into "debt". Drugs. Anyway when he couldn't pay the money back they basically took payment from me. That lasted for 2 years until I eventually ranm. Stupid I know but I was so scared I didn't know what to do.
I still struggle now, nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety.
Anyway in the letter, basically he apologises, would love to meet dd, blah blah vlah, then of cpurse, asks for a loan. I am a single mum on benefits! I do not have spare cash at all. I am so scared. If he is still involved with those "people" he has found my address (I have no idea how)
I can't go through that again, I really can't. I have never felt safe but now I am terrified. I just want to end it now.
I can't live like that. Not now. I am not strong enough. I just want to curl up and never wake up sad

fuzzpig Fri 02-Nov-12 18:46:37

Oh god. That is so awful, what a shock for you.

I think there's a big chance that if you did meet him he'd end up manipulating the money out of you somehow. Maybe it's best not to put yourself in that position sad

But I think you already know that. x

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 18:53:34

There is no way I will willingly meet up with him, but he knnows my address sad I can't affors to move, it took me so long to find a landlord that accepts housing benefit.
I'm so scared. What if he is in debt again, I don't know if he would give them my address. That means dd is not safe. God my amazing little girl deserves so much better than this. I can't do this, I really can't.

cupcake78 Fri 02-Nov-12 18:53:48

The letter still indicates that he still has money problems and for him to approach you after such a long time it would be fair to assume he's under pressure to find some money.

I know it will be hard but I wouldn't be getting back in touch with him. Sorry

biff23 Fri 02-Nov-12 18:57:16

Hard though it is, if I were you I would destroy the letter to an extent that contact details were obliterated so I couldn't change my mind. This can only end badly. At least he was upfront about wanting money off you and not lying to get in your good books. Don't help him, sadly some people can't be helped, and you and your dd will be hurt.

PatriciaHolm Fri 02-Nov-12 18:59:27

Can you seal the letter and return it marked "no longer at this address"? Might put him off.
Sorry you are having to deal with this. I wouldn't engage at all.

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 19:02:10

Sorry I should have said, I am absolutely not meeting up with him. I am just terrified that he will give them my address. They took payment by raping me for 2 years.
Sorry I'm not being very clear, I am just so scared.

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 19:02:11

Sorry I should have said, I am absolutely not meeting up with him. I am just terrified that he will give them my address. They took payment by raping me for 2 years.
Sorry I'm not being very clear, I am just so scared.

Henners1 Fri 02-Nov-12 19:19:14

Hi, you are a strong person, you lived through it and kept going, a lot of people would have crumbled way before now.

I'm not really sure what advice to offer you, you could write back to him and explain your situation and hopefully he's changed and that will be the end of it. The only other option would be to go to the police, it is clear that you are very scared x

SuzySheepSmellsNice Fri 02-Nov-12 19:22:36

Perhaps call the non-emergency police number and ask for some advice. I also like the 'return to sender' idea Xx

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 19:33:00

Thankyou, I really don't know about the police. I didn't report it in the first place because of what these people are like. It's just such a mess. If he gives them my address, well that's it for me. I can't believe I may be in the same situation again. They stole the lastt years of mmy teens, well my life really since I was 16.
Every noise is making me jump. It's all so real again, more so than normal. I just don't know what to do, other than end this now. I can't do it again.

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 19:33:01

Thankyou, I really don't know about the police. I didn't report it in the first place because of what these people are like. It's just such a mess. If he gives them my address, well that's it for me. I can't believe I may be in the same situation again. They stole the lastt years of mmy teens, well my life really since I was 16.
Every noise is making me jump. It's all so real again, more so than normal. I just don't know what to do, other than end this now. I can't do it again.

parsnipcake Fri 02-Nov-12 19:41:56

Please go to the police. Or speak to Refuge, who will hopefully help you get safe - by moving or security measures.

Please do it now, you don't deserve to feel like this.

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 20:02:01

What if they find out that I've phoned the police. Oh god I can't think, I cantt breath. I feel like the same 16yr old again.

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 20:02:03

What if they find out that I've phoned the police. Oh god I can't think, I cantt breath. I feel like the same 16yr old again.

ScarahScreams Fri 02-Nov-12 20:06:04

They won't find out. This is very serious actually sad

So sorry you are going through this again sweetheart.

I do think you need to call the police though..

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 20:17:39

I am considering the police, I just don't know what to say. I knew what these people were doing, I should have reported it then, I don't know if I'll be in trouble for that.
I am a huge state. Justt had enough.

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 20:17:40

I am considering the police, I just don't know what to say. I knew what these people were doing, I should have reported it then, I don't know if I'll be in trouble for that.
I am a huge state. Justt had enough.

YourHandInMyHand Fri 02-Nov-12 20:23:24

YOU have done nothing wrong. You will not get in any trouble.

Why not call 101 and tell them you are scared. Do you think you would be able to talk about it verbally on the phone? I ask as I'm a crier!

Please do reach out and get some help.

I know it's just words when you are in a panic but I doubt anything will happen this evening.

You're brother is just SCUM to be mentioning your daughter after knowing what happened to you. angry

cupcake78 Fri 02-Nov-12 20:24:46

What happened to you is terrible. It's no wonder your terrified!

I know what your saying about the police and I can understand your fear. Your obviously very scared of these people. They are not going to know you've contacted them if you don't want them to. I urge you to set the ball rolling to protect yourself. I hope that you never need to be protected but please get yourself and your situation known to them now.

Have you had any help with your past? It's seems like you could do with some support. Their are lots of support lines available to you with people who understand and can help.
I know this is scary but please do these things

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 20:39:36

Yourhandinmyhand, I'm normally a crier too but I'm just numb at the moment. I can't believe it is happening.
Cupcake, I am having counselling but it's awful, not helping at all. I am on my own with dd all weekend, lord knows how I'm going to do it.

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 20:39:38

Yourhandinmyhand, I'm normally a crier too but I'm just numb at the moment. I can't believe it is happening.
Cupcake, I am having counselling but it's awful, not helping at all. I am on my own with dd all weekend, lord knows how I'm going to do it.

catstail Fri 02-Nov-12 20:54:18

Please ring the police 101 number and ask for a female officer to come and give you some advice about contact that has been made with you from someone involved with numerous physical attacks on you in the past

When she comes you can choose how much to share with her - but really you want to know i there is any way for you to stay safe, under the circumstances for example, can you get an injunction preventing him from contacting you without having to pursue the rape issue in court?

BillyBollyBandy Fri 02-Nov-12 21:06:54

Return to sender on letter first of all, hopefully that will put him off a while. Are you still local? Do you have contact with other family members where he could have got the address?

Call women's aid {hugs} You can do this

CuppaCiggieBiccieBliss Fri 02-Nov-12 21:08:45

I know you are right and I need to do something, I'm just on egg shells. If any of ths came out it would tear the family apart (nobody knows)
I can't sttop shaking, I need to get through tonightm.

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