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Need someone to tell me it gets better(7 Posts)
First time I've posted on a forum, please forgive any errors I make or protocols I fail to observe.
I'm writing on here because I'm lost, scared, tired and feel like I have nobody to talk to. I have a beautiful LO who turns 1 very soon, whom is the light of my life. She wasn't expected but I wouldn'tbe without her. Unfortunately her mother & I have a bad situation. We can't afford to live together and so she is with her parents on the South Coast, I live in south London. Not easy, made worse when she was diagnosed with pnd 4 months after giving birth which her mother dismissed as the baby blues and told her to get over it. Things grew rapidly worse but she didn't want to concern me so didn't tell me. Suffice to say she was diagnosed with peurapal psychosis & spent 3 months in a secure unit. Been out 2 months and no real improvement-its probably getting worse. Our relationship is struggling, she keeps secrets from me so& I can't see a way out. Please, somebody, anybody, tell me it gets better. Or tell me where to get help. I gave up drinking years ago but its getting harder to ignore.
Sorry for ranting, I just feel like if I hold it in any longer I'llexplode...
That sounds really tough. What sort of support is your partner getting? How is your relationship with her parents? Are you getting to see your baby regularly? Is there no way you can be in the same place as your partner and baby?
My partner is getting fortnightly visits from her CPN, and sees her psychiatrist monthly. Unfortunately as the appointments are in advance she has time to work out what she should say and so be economical with the truth.
My relationship with her parents is ok, but there is some history. Her father is a DV perpetrator who used to beat her and her mum up, and her mum has her own MH issues she's in denial of. I work 50oz miles from their house, 20 miles from mine so I am looking for a job nearer her-she wants to stay down there and as the property is significantly cheaper I agree. I see them on average 4-5 nights a week, I'm not allowed to stay any more and we're not allowed to share a bedroom which makes things worse. The Housing Authority are pushing through an application but it's only for her, which doesn't solve all the problems.
I guess I sound like I live in a particularly bad soap opera but I'm afraid this is my real life...
Is this a safe place for your baby? With her father's history of DV... That would have alarm bells ringing for me.... I'm afraid I don't have any useful advice but I think your priority is your baby, who needs love and stability. Are you getting any support as to make this better? Do you have a HV or sure start centre near by?
We can't tell you things are getting better Janx because that would be giving you false reassurance. However I agree that your DPs parents home seems to be an unsuitable place. If her mother has MH issues that she denies and she is encouraging your DP to just "getover" her severe PND, and this maybe why your DP is covering up from you and the mental health services how bad things really are. You sound like a very supportive partner, which is one good thing, and of course the baby.
I'm not sure what you mean when you say you "can't afford to live together" - what is your housing situation. Why could she not live with you? OR could you rent privately together, although I accept rents must be very high so near London. Do you have a well paid job - would there be any chance of uprooting to another part of the country (cheaper housing) but maybe not possible for you get a job - I don't know. Did your DP work before the birth of your baby.
Sorry I'm just flinging so much stuff out but it seems to me that your DP needs to get away from her parents, with her dad's DV history and her mother's MH for which she is in denial. Any chance of that - how long have you known each other - I know I'm asking a lot of questions that you might not want to answer but just trying to "get a handle" on the situation.
I think you must look ahead and this illness will pass - it is horrendous but it will pass and there will be brighter times ahead. Sorry that sounds like a platitude but I am meaning to be sincere. I do know the horror of depression myself (not of the PND variety) but I think it produces the same horrendous symptoms.
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