Does this sound like depression?

[TheProvincialLady]

Hi
I've not posted in this section before but I'd really appreciate your views on my current mental state. It feels a bit odd calling it that, but that's what it is I suppose. Anyway, I'm experiencing the following and have started to wonder whether I am depressed or whether it's just life..

I keep forgetting things or thinking I have done things when I haven't, like say putting the hot water on so I can have a bath - then running the bath and it's freezing because actually I haven't put the hot water on. It's starting to get really annoying.

I keep feeling like I just want to be left alone by my family - and to a lesser extent friends - in the evenings and weekends. I find it a massive effort to be bothered with the children (that sounds awful). I do all the cooking and cleaning, looking after stuff but actually I often just wish they'd be quiet and go somewhere else for a bit Not all the time, but a lot at the moment. On the other hand, DS2 is tantrumming a lot and it is hard just now. I have him at home with me all day tomorrow and am dreading it a bit.

I keep getting unreasonably anxious about things.

I am eating too much (big history of eating disorders).

I am sick to death of housework and the tedium of cooking and cleaning, and dread stupid things like having to put the bins out and bring them back in again.

At work I feel like I am rubbish but somehow managing to convince people that I am doing an ok job. I wake up at night worrying about it.

So - how does that sound? It's not constant but it has been on and off for a few months now and I am right in the middle of all the above. This has been triggered by family woes that don't affect me personally but have set off things from the past. The difference between now and rough patches of yore is that now I am actually worrying myself - does that make any sense?

Apologies if I don't reply tonight, I might not be able to get online again. If you got this far without falling asleep, thanks for reading.

[racingheart]

Hi

It does sound like you're very down. Sorry to hear that. Have an unMN hug.

Clinical depression (in my experience) is where you can't feel good, even if things are going well, or you can't make even basic efforts to cheer yourself up.

It could be that you are down because you need a break. Sounds as if you desperately deserve some time out, whether or not you're depressed.

When is the last time you had time to yourself? When did you last do something just for yourself? When did you last meet up with a friend for coffee or wine? When did you and your DP, if you have one, go out as a couple? When did you last read a book you enjoyed, or listen to music that isn't what the DC choose? When did you last have your hair cut or buy new clothes? When did you last have an uninterrupted bath/loo break/read of the papers?

If you have all these regularly and still feel airless and trapped - I'd be concerned you are medically depressed. If you haven't, maybe you'd feel brighter if you could carve out some time and interests for yourself each week.

You don't say how old they are, but I remember feeling like I was hanging onto my sanity by my fingertips by the time they were 4. The person you have to be when they are tiny is very different from the person you were before or can be once they are all at school, but the cliche of the light being dimmest just before the end of the tunnel is often true.

I prescribe a massive pamper.
Feed yourself really healthy food (not a diet - no self-punishment for over-eating, but nurture through gorgeous, healthy eating) every day for two weeks.
Loads of water.
Three or four catch ups with friends or DP out of the house. Load up with funny and feel good movies.
Buy yourself three things you've always wanted.
Make a bucket list of things you'd love to do (some with the kids if you want; some just for you) Do one at least this week.

if you start to feel better, then you were just in a rut. If this is all way too much and makes you weepy at the thought of implementing it, then maybe you do need some medical intervention. No shame if you do. It's an illness, like any other. It can be treated.

[bansku]

racingheart is talking sense :)

If you are depressed then even a nice cup of tea with your favorite magazine/tv program is not making you feel any better. (Or something else you previously enjoyed.)

[TheProvincialLady]

Thanks so much both of you for replying. I am going to take racingheart's very good advice and take it from there. I'm actually having a better day today, so that's positive..helped by the knowledge that MIL is coming over later and will do wholesome activities with DS2 so I can have a bit of a break.

I really wish I could sort out my eating so that I was able to eat healthily all the time instead of having a 2 week target (which will be quite hard for me but worthwhile).

Anyway, thanks

[MrsMuddyPuddles]

You've got to take things one step at a time.

My experience has been a bit different to the other posters- it's not that I don't enjoy ANYTHING at all EVER, it's that my interests change (and when I'm not depressed, the "new" obessions interests are suddenly totall unbearable, and i'm back to my old hobbies and enjoyments). The "normal me" hobbies are still interesting, too, but take too much effort to bother with.