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Slipping slowly into madness

(23 Posts)
puds11 Tue 16-Oct-12 23:16:38

Everyday is getting harder and more obscure than the last. I can't talk properly, i am disorientated, i am forgetful and mostly i am sad. I don't know what to do, or when things will get better.

A bit of background. My DP and i split up 3 months ago, but he only recently moved out, and i am finding being alone for the first time in my life very difficult. I keep forgetting simple things that i would normally remember with no problem, like dropping my DD in nursery when she isn't supposed to be there and never quiet knowing what im supposed to be doing in the week.

I am in the final year of a degree, so the pressure is on anyway, but im getting to the stage where i feel like packing the whole thing in and sitting in a dark room for the rest of my sorry days.

I don't know what to do, i feel like im slowly losing my grip on reality.

puds11 Tue 16-Oct-12 23:42:41


maybeyoushoulddrive Tue 16-Oct-12 23:44:58

I couldn't not answer you. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I wonder if your doctor could help, maybe offer counselling or something. Do you have a friend you trust that you can talk to?

I'm sure someone will be along soon who has good advice. Take care x

puds11 Tue 16-Oct-12 23:47:11

Thankyou maybe, i cant decide whether to go to the doctor or not as i think they will be keen for me to go back on to medication, and im not sure if that is the right thing to do.

foslady Tue 16-Oct-12 23:54:26

You will look back in a years time and realise that it wasn't you going mad, it is the situation you are in. When xh left i was sure I was going mad - just started a course, had to remortgage when it was debatable if I would get it (I did!) and a crap divorce lawyer plus doing up the house. It is only with hindsight that I realise what I was putting myself through.
Good luck puds

foslady Tue 16-Oct-12 23:55:41

And my memory was all over the place too!

Oh, I'm sorry you feel so disoriented and sad.

You say that you are not sure that going back on medication is the right thing for you - can you say why?

Could counselling (available through your university, if nowhere else), help?

puds11 Wed 17-Oct-12 00:10:17

The medication helped with the anxiety/depression/confusion, but it made me feel sick.

I struggle with counselors so i dont think that is a viable route for me unfortunately.

Thankyou for sharing that foslady, i am hoping it will pass, but im not sure i can continue with my degree whilst im in this phase. I dont want to do myself the injustice of getting a grade that is not representative of what i am capable of when at full capacity.

Did your GP not try other meds with you?

I don't mean to sound like a medication propagandist; I appreciate that AD's don't work for everyone. Equally, I think that they can help, if got right.

It sounds like life is a bit tough at the moment and I hope you can get through it all ok.

I suffer with depression that fluctuates. I'm on Sertraline at the moment and have not found counselling helpful previously.

For me, studying has given me a focus but I can see that I'm a long way away from the pressures of the third year, and all the pressure that brings.

Willing you on.

greeneyed Wed 17-Oct-12 10:31:36

Please, please go to your GP, reconsider medication - I have had medication which makes me truly ill and MH worse then medication which has literally turned my life around. You have worked so hard to get where you are with your degree could you give medication another chance to help get you through then reevaluate

greeneyed Wed 17-Oct-12 10:36:16

Just to add, I understand not wanting to be on meds, I threw my first lot away spent 3 years doing every alternative remedy under the sun and getting progressively iller and iller until I "gave in" and stopped fighting. Why do we think with MH we must somehow battle alone - please let someone help you and go see the GP xxx

Bossybritches22 Wed 17-Oct-12 10:37:35

Lots of different meds to try & please don't feel it's bad to take them they have helped many an MN-er out of a black hole.

Remember its a phase, it WILL pass but we all need a hand at different times to get through it,whether its drugs counselling whatever works.

You say counselling wouldn't work & probably at the moment you are right it wouldn't have the beneficial effect you are seeking. But please do consider it when you have had a while on meds because it does help but you have to be in the right frame of mind to get the best out of it.

Keep talking to us lots of us in the same boat for different reasons.

Un -MN hugs to you.

puds11 Wed 17-Oct-12 11:46:40

Thankyou so much for replying. I think i really should go back and see my doctor. I don't know whether to talk to my lecturers about it or not?

greeneyed Wed 17-Oct-12 12:05:49

Go to the GP first and yes talk to your lecturers they may be able to help with extended deadlines etc if things are on top of you now, I assume you'll need some statement from your doc though in these circumstances.

bansku Wed 17-Oct-12 13:32:28

I would say that you puds11 are doing very well considering you just a little while ago got separated. Medication is not the answer. People should go through their feelings rather than make themself zombies or sick. There seem to be a clear reason why you don't feel good. I find actually revolting that people nowadays want immediately meds when life is hard. Life is not easygoing all the time.

Viviennemary Wed 17-Oct-12 13:39:45

What a stressful time you have been through. If your degree is causing you a lot of pressure, could you not ask for an extension or defer your final year till next year. I agree you are doing really well under the circumstances. If you can identify the most stressful things about your life and see if you can alter or change any of them. Like the time limit for your degree. Could you go and see a student counsellor at your Uni. They will have a lot of experience of students under stress.

puds11 Wed 17-Oct-12 13:51:47

i think the most stressful thing for me at the moment is being alone, and feeling like i failed at my relationship and my DD's chance of a family. I know it sounds silly, but i just feel so disappointed with myself.

I am also struggling with the thought of being a single mother at such a young age, and the judgements that people will make about me because of it. Yet another silly reason, but they are really bothering me.

greeneyed Wed 17-Oct-12 15:05:29

Banksu, wow your statement is quite something.

My meds make me neither a Zombie or sick, having held similar misconceptions I battled through my illness for three years Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression OCD trying to "work through life's problems" i became very ill, my thoughts were on a loop I was disassociated, life felt like an out of body experience, couldn't sleep, eat etc etc - so I took the meds - cue change of life. I agree they are not for everyone and yes I also agree that major life changes, problems etc will make people feel unhappy, stressed or sad for periods and the first option to deal with those feelings shouldn't be a pill but when and if this crosses over into an actual mental health problem then medication can be helpful as can other non medication therapies. The OP says she can't talk properly and is disorientated and therefore a GP visit is appropriate don't you think.

Puds it sounds like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Have you posted in relationships there are many ladies there who have separated and gone through all you are now, often coming out the other side happier and healthier, they will support you.

puds11 Wed 17-Oct-12 15:21:25

Thanks for the advice green i think i will do. Im glad to hear the meds have helped you to get your life back.

bansku Wed 17-Oct-12 16:42:26

greeneyed well guess what. I have been tested over 40 meds, none of them helped.

The OP says she can't talk properly and is disorientated and therefore a GP visit is appropriate don't you think.

If she would be in that state, I don't think she could write here.

ClareMarriott Wed 17-Oct-12 17:33:24

Do you have any family that can help you out? If you think that speaking to a counsellor will help you at any time, check out BACP who list everyone

greeneyed Wed 17-Oct-12 21:48:49

Banksu, I'm sorry to hear you've had such bad experience 40 Meds! I really feel for you and can understand why you are not jumping up and down in support of them. The fact remains however there are many people out there for whom meds are a life saver myself included.

puds11 Wed 17-Oct-12 22:00:28

Thanks Clare i will do that. bansku, i find it much easier to write what i am thinking and feeling at the minute than to try and verbally communicate it. That may be strange but it is true. I am not saying i cannot speak, just that my words keep becoming jumbled and i loose my train of thought easily.

I am sorry to hear you have had such an unpleasant experience with medication, and it is also a path i will consider seriously before reembarking on it. I value all the opinions posted on here, even if they do not conform with the masses.

Thankyou all.

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