Im losing the plot

[Pugless]

I sufferd with pnd after the birth of ds. Me and dp wernt gettin on very well so it was just me and ds for a while. The lack of sleep realy hit me hard which caused mine and dps relationship to completly fall apart. He literally left me holding the baby while he went about his life partying and so on.

My health visitor got involved and i saw my gp. Things got worse and i handed my son to my mil who cared for him for around 2weeks. I had a heart to heart with dp and he agreed to be around more for ds. My ds came home but he just didnt feel like mine no bond at all.

Had anothr heart to heart with dp. This time i let it all out and things improved. Dp came home and helped out with ds.

Fast forward to today, i have everything i have ever wanted a nice home (or will be when decoratings done) a car money in the bank a caring loving dp.

But i feel my hapiness is all false my ds doesnt sleep he still wakes several times a night. Dp works long hours so its down to me to get up. And then ds is ready to start his day at 6 every morning no matter how many times hes been up through the night.

Then my day is washing clesning cooking cleaning hovering ironing shopping bath time bed time night bottles then it starts again. I am so unhappy i have just broke down on the kitchen floor and pulled at my face all because ds was crying because hes overtired.

I am so fed up of pretending and i am scared to death of ending up where i was at the begining of this year. Its all just a mess but i feel like such an ungratefull cow.

[MrsMuddyPuddles]

Oh Puglass! Call your HV or MIL or someone (close friend? your family? sibling?) today and ask for HELP! It sounds like the PND might not be entirely gone...

Do you go out at all to mum/baby things or even leave your DP with the boy for a couple hours so you can get some time for you?

[Pugless]

Mum and baby groups arnt realy for me. Yes dp does have ds sometimes but i dont enjoy myself when im out. I think im going to speak to dp tonite and explain. I realy dont want to be as bad as what i was but i can feel it creeping up on me i am starting to do things i did before.

[TeenTwinsToddlerandTiaras]

Long term sleep deprivation and the huge responsibility of a being a mother is hugely underestimated IMHO. Lets face it the drudgery of running a house and looking after a small screaming child is not as fun as it's cracked up to be and does not suit everybody - why would'nt you feel depressed.

How old is DS? Is he in your room? What sleep techniques have you tried? There are several sleep training techniques around.

Have you considered putting him in a nursery or with a childminder for a few hours a week? Saved my sanity when the DTs were toddlers. Fuck the guilt, do what you have to do to get by. It will pass!

[MrsMuddyPuddles]

If you feel yourself slipping, go back to your HV or GP. They might have techniques or medicine for you to try.

Are there any gyms or shopping centers or anything near you with free or cheap creches? (or is he too little for that)