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Im done.....I cant do this anymoe and no one is listening.

(25 Posts)
spingey Thu 11-Oct-12 21:22:58

We have horrendous neighbours. They are making mine and my kids lives a living hell. Its only small little sneaky things but Im at the point where I feel like getting into the car and driving at full speed into a wall.
The council say they are looking for somewhere to move us. The police say they will be there in seconds if we need them and I cant live like that anymore. I go to work, I look after the kids and I keep my house clean etc.....I dont sleep, I cant eat becuase I throw up every time I do. I spend every day drugged up to the eye balls just to make it through work and homelife with the fucking plebs downstairs.
Tonight I took the kids in their pjs and walked out of the house. My mum is away and we have come to hers for some refuge but realisticly this isnt a long term solution, we will have to go home eventually and the thought of that is killing me. I want to die. My kids deserve so much better. They deserve a home that they are safe in, they deserve me to be stronger for them and they shouldnt have to put up with being woken in the night by the neighbours or dragged out in the middle of the night so I dont top myself.

Im sure things will seem better in the morning but I dont feel like anyone is taking me seriously enough right now and Im very close to ending it all. Im so tired.

MacAndCheese Thu 11-Oct-12 21:36:17

Oh spingey I'm listening. Rant away.

On a real life level, have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling right now?

spingey Thu 11-Oct-12 21:49:41

I have tried. Everyone just keeps saying it will be ok. That might be the case but I literally cant take any more. Im sick of this shit. I want a quiet life. I dont want to be best friends with my neighbour or anything I just want to be able to go home, close my door and feel safe.
The reality is that my neighbours are noisy. Their 2 year old doesnt go to bed most nights till 11/12 pm. They argue over riduclous pointless things that I have to listen to. They make everywhere outside a mess. They are nasty and argumentative and have no respect. They try and bully me and Im ground down. I just cant see a way out.
Everyone who meets my kids says how nice and polite they are.They are amazing kids and they deserve better and I hate myself for not beingable to give it to them.Doesnt help that their waste of oxygen father who refuses to pay for them is currently sunning himself on holiday. If he had stuck around....not in the context of a relationship but just to be a part of the kids lives the neighbours wouldnt be picking on me like this. (he was built like a brick shit house!)
Just SIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK of it. I have a good life. I like ny job, my kids are good and they are ruining it.

MacAndCheese Thu 11-Oct-12 21:55:02

How long ago did you speak to the council?

If you would like someone to just listen without offering an opinion, try calling the Samaritans.

08457 90 90 90


MacAndCheese Thu 11-Oct-12 21:56:05

Whoops, don't know what I did there. People on here are lovely as well, maybe try legal matters or chat for more practical advice?


ScreamingManAndGoryOn Thu 11-Oct-12 21:58:15

Bad neighbours are a bloody nightmare as you should be able to relax when you get home and if its being made unbearable by your neighbours, I'm not surprised you're at your wits end.

I really hope that you can find somewhere else to live soon. xx

TheObscure Thu 11-Oct-12 21:58:35

Im liStening, and you ARE worth it. Stay strong xxx

ledkr Thu 11-Oct-12 22:05:48

Oh I remember that feeling I lived next to neighbours so bad that I had to feed out rabbit at night cos if they knew we had one the kids would kill itshock they emptied their ashtray over my fence and three rubbish into my garden, was hellish.
Can you rent privately that's what I did in the end and never looked back. Can you get supporting letters to move quicker

Flojo1979 Thu 11-Oct-12 22:11:10

I'm confused, do u own your house and ringing the council because they r too noisey, or r u in a council flat? If so just move out, private rent. That's what I did.
I've been in my private rented for 4 yrs now and its great.

spingey Thu 11-Oct-12 22:14:20

Thanks for being so I have been looking through old pics. Has calmed me a little. Im just incredibly exhausted. We have all had a cough, the kids shifted thiers in a few days, I still have it after 2 weeks.
I had quite a privilidged up bringing and I know I will never be able to offer my children the amazing oppertunities I had but I never thought that providing them with a safe home would be an issue. Its such a basic thing.
I hate myself for not being able to give them that. there is a beautiful home for, sale part ownerhip not very far from where we live now. (but far enough away from the pesky neighbours) and I have twiddled every figure and I still cant afford it. I feel we are destined to live in the shit hole council estate we are on forever.
Whats worse is my mum bought my sister a home a few years back. Over the past few weeks all she has done in moan about how she wants to move becuase the house needs a lot of work and has no offstreet parking. Its like rubbing salt in the wound. She was given a house, a nice one! and in the near future will be in a position to put it up for sale and move. We are really at a standstill right now. Its such an awful place to be. I have considered moving back home with my mum but she lives about 20 mins from where we are. We would all have to share my old room and I dont know how long it could realisticly be sustained for. Im so tired of trying to find a solution alone. I have even looked at private renting but I dont want to stay on the estate and the neighbouring areas are stupidly expencive. I dont know what we are supposed to do.

Im so sorry to ramble on like that but Im just going over and over things in my head and finding no real solutions. I just wish someone would help us.

Flojo1979 Thu 11-Oct-12 22:20:14

Sounds to me like your mums is the best bet. I'd snatch her hand off. Live in babysitter too! Might be a bit cramped but kids won't mind, its just u that'll be a bit cosy! But its def a good solution til u r sorted a bit more financially and feeling a bit stronger about things.

spingey Thu 11-Oct-12 22:30:02

We are in a council flat and they say they are trying to move us but this has been going on for quite some time.
My mum is away atm so I guess its somehting to discuss when she returns home from her hols. I dunno.....its so hard. I guess it could work. I guess its down to her so I can only wait and see what she says. Im going to ask my grandparents if there is any way they could help us financially in terms of buying. Its a long shot but I will never know unless I ask.
I have looked into private renting but couldnt see how we would be able to afford it. Im having a look now to see what is about. We live in the south west so property is stupidly expencive.
Thankyou for calming me down. I hate being on my own with the kids sometimes.

TheObscure Thu 11-Oct-12 22:39:14

I think I feel the same. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but like you I've never been poor, I married for love but have married someone not interested in money, which is fine, but he wantednmento give up work to take care of the children and now I have nothing.

Hope you are ok, it WILL be ok, you are doing fabulously x

Stopiwanttogetoffpls Thu 11-Oct-12 22:42:19

I just want say i can't do anything but if you do want to talk, then i can try and listen. I'm so sorry things have got so bad for you and for you to become so low but you are doing the best that you can by keep going. Being at your Mums sounds a good idea. From someone whose been at the bottom, the only way is up, it's just you who decides the pace. I hope things get sorted for you so very soon, so that you are then able to start moving onwards and upwards for you and your DD.
Sending you love+hugs xx
Fucking neighbours!!!

spingey Thu 11-Oct-12 22:55:25

I cant believe Im 24 and too scared to go home. I wish I was stronger and could stand up to them. Everyone keeps saying "its a good job Im not their neighbour" and "you have more resolve than me" but its nothing to do with that. I hate confrontation so they have been alowed to get away with too mucu for too long. They started getting aggressive and argumentative with me and now im scared to be around them. I have very bad anxiety problems. I had been ok for about 2 years but it has all come back up to the surface and Im on a higher dosage of tablets than ever. I cant go anywhere without my pills. Im too scared to take the rubbish and recycling out so do it when we leave to go to school. The garden looks like a dump becasue I dont want to go outside and come across the neighbours and have them try and wind me up or cause an argument.
I have managed to go 2 weeks without seeing them but tonight I had to leave. The police came to deal with a matter with them and I knew it wouldnt be long before they came knocking on my I ran away.
Im so so paranoid. Im worried this is going to turn into something much bigger, like schizophrenia sp? it runs in our family.

ledkr Thu 11-Oct-12 23:11:56

I'm in the sw too and rental isn't cheap but you can get decent amount of housing benefit I'd do it was the best thing I ever did too. For now though relax and enjoy a good nights sleep x

TodaysAGoodDay Fri 12-Oct-12 00:08:13

I do feel so sorry for you spingey sad I had dreadful neighbours 2 years ago, and even though we got her evicted it took 2 months and felt like years. They make your life a total and utter misery, and you think about them continuously even when you're not there. Going home is bad, as is 2am. I wish I could help somehow, but all I can do is offer a hand-hold. I went to private rental, and our lives changed overnight for the better, it was worth paying the extra for somewhere we felt safe.
I hope it gets sorted for you soon x

Stopiwanttogetoffpls Fri 12-Oct-12 10:13:09

Op, you're not running away, it's called 'self-preservation'!! smile

MacAndCheese Fri 12-Oct-12 21:27:41

How are you today spingey?

spingey Fri 12-Oct-12 22:52:23

Back at my mums again tonight. We went home earlier to get a few things. My sister and a friend came too. We had some dinner and put some things in a bag. Its horrible. I know its for the best and that the police are doing regular patrols to keep an eye on the house but I just dont know what Im going to return to.
Whilst we were at home they were banging on the walls. Im guessing they wanted me to go down and start a fight with them but I dont plan on uttering a word to them. Ds was very upset about going in the house and when we left he got upset about leaving his toys. My mum is home tomorrow so we can have a chat about what to do next.
Housing seem to be taking things a little more seriously too since we have shacked up at my mums. I have been promised there will be progress by the middle of next week but Im not holding my breath.....I have been promised the world several times and months on we are still in the same place.
Im extreemly tired this eveing but the children wont settle. I have a long day at work tomorrow which Im dreading but I have no choice but to get on with it. We need the money and I cant let them down.
A friend came over this evening and we had a glass of wine together. It has chilled me out a little and Im ready for bed as soon as the kids drop off.

I dont know how much of an impact this is going to have on them. Ds has autistic traits and we had to leave a lot of his "things" behind. The change to his routine has upset him and he cant physically sleep. I love them so much, I know every mum loves their kids but mine are like my rock. I burst into tears last night and ds came over and told me he will always look after me because I always look after him, "we're a team" he said, which is something I always say to the kids when Im trying to get them to behave and cooperate.
Dd told me she "prayded" to god in assembly today and asked him to get us a new house.
Im a bit cross that I didnt hold it together, I should have been stronger but last night was just horrible.
I called the police and the council about the latest behaviour and they said it doent matter how small it is, if it is causing me or my children distress then we have the right to report it and that it will all help our case.
Im not sure if Im being paranoid but I feel like they are going to do everything in the power to cause trouble for us now. After the banging earlier they went out, (walking in the direction of the police station which is at the bottom of our street) when they came back they tiptoed around their house. Im worried they are going to start spinning lies about me and the kids to try and get us in trouble. I dont want the council or police to question the genuine nature of what I have told them.
Im going to visit my dr on monday with my mum and just talk to him about how low this has been making me feel. Im really struggling to eat and have lost quite a bit of weight (which is a blessing in disguise really) I just dont want to get ill. I need to be strong for the kids but Im not sure what the drs can do to help. I dont want to be put on AD's. Have done that before and they did more damage than good. I dont know, I feel like im wandering around in circles in my head and getting no where.
I know everything will be better once my mum is home. I got to speak to her for the first time in 2 weeks today and it was such a relief.
I guess im just rambling on now. Its just good to have somewhere to put it all and not to be judged. My friend can be a bit bullish at times but tonight she just listened. It was good. I hope things get better soon. I do feel a lot better about being at my mums and if we can make the bedroom a little more friendly for me and the kids we might be ok to stay here for a while. still rambling/thinking out loud arent I!

Shakey1500 Fri 12-Oct-12 23:05:12

I swear rambling is sometimes the best medicine, and I've done plenty in my time grin

Having shit neighbours is the absolute pits. The one place you should feel safe, ruined. I hope you get something sorted soon. Your Mum's does sound like the best option in the short term, cramped or no cramped. And really, that's as much as you can do isn't it? So whilst I'm not going to say "It'll be ok" what I will say is, rest assured you are doing everything that any human can possibly do, under the circumstances.

spingey Fri 12-Oct-12 23:13:35

thankyou. My brain is just playing all sorts of tricks on me at the mo. I feel so unsure about everything. I keep questioning if Im just being a wet blanket, but when I tell people what they are doing they are schocked and I guess the council wouldnt be taking it so seriously if I just needed to man up a bit.
Its the noise more than anything. They dont have a routine for their 2 1/2 year old so he is frequently up untill midnight +. The other night they decided to bath him at 11.30 at night.
They frequently drag him out of the house at 8 pm at night in the pouring rain and dont return for hours. Im quite concerned about the kid tbh. The council called ss when I told them what was happening but obviously I dont know what is happening with that.
I just keep trying to tell myself Im a good person. I have friends and family around me who want to help. They have no one. They dont speak to any of their family and I have rarely seen them with friends in their house.

Right now its the paranoia sp? thats getting to me. Im really worried about them going to the police about me. I was thinking about phoning my local beat seargent and discussing this with him but I dont want them to think Im crazy. Im obsessed with this idea at the mo. Its filling my head and pushing all other thoughts out the way.

TheSilverPussycat Fri 12-Oct-12 23:35:59

You have or have had mh issues, yes? That makes you a Vulnerable Adult (or whatever the name is these days, I think they changed it) and as such can ask for help from Social Services because you are being bullied and SS have a duty to protect you, I think. It might speed up the council.

Gymbob Sat 13-Oct-12 22:23:41

Contact your local MP, get him on your side, it won't be hard. You have evidence of police involvement. The MP can sway the council to move you, things should happen quickly when the local MP gets involved. Play on how it is affecting the kids, exaggerate, tell him how it is affecting you, exaggerate. Health problems, MH problems, suicidal thoughts, stress, bullying, terrified for the children, sleep deprivation, whatever you can think of. The local council won't want the situation in the paper. Sometimes you have to play dirty, do it.

My friend did this a while ago, and she was moved.

whatthewhatthebleep Sun 14-Oct-12 11:59:00

You could also be speaking with the School and asking about getting their support too. The DC's must be reflecting these issues within School and it could be effecting their learning etc...the School could be writing supporting letters based on their concerns for the children's welfare in this situation. This would carry some weight to your case with getting the Council to move you. You GP could be doing you a supporting letter too, ask about this too. Anyone else involved with you as a family...ask them too.

Have you found out if there is an exchange list for council houses. I was in a similar dreadful situation to you and eventually found a swap with another family this way. The Council were working to help move us but slowly....I managed to find the swap and get away much sooner this way.

Also Housing Associations are linked to the Council and it might be worth applying to them and getting the Council to enlist their help should be a priority tenant so between the council and housing associations it should speed up the choice for you too.

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