Does anon else feel that pregnancy has altered their Mental Health permanently ?

[recall]

I used to have anxiety, but after my 7 pregnancies ( 4 x mc and 3 normal births - healthy kids ) I am now suffering from crippling anxiety, that was not there before I became pregnant......anyone else ?

[lljkk]

Pregnancy does change the brain.

[YommyMommy]

Yeah for sure!! I also suffer from quite bad anxiety...never had it at all before my DS's x

[LosingItBigTime]

I had MH issues in the past but had been well for a few years and off ADs. After the birth of DS I had terrible PND and haven't been the same since. I'm pregnant and due in 2 days. I've been terribly ill through the latter half of this pregnancy. I think it does have an affect on the brain.

[Emphaticmaybe]

Yes definitely.

Something changed in me during my second pregnancy,(twins). It felt like a door opened that I have been unable to close. My whole perception of life changed; it was like waking up and realizing for the first time that the universe actually didn't give a shit whether I, or anyone I loved, lived or died. I sort of new this in an abstract sense before, but not at a personal level iyswim. I realized there were no real safety nets - life doesn't have to turn out all right in the end.

I think for all humans to function reasonably well we either have to be in denial about life's fragility or be very good at compartmentalizing, for me something about pregnancy and having children broke my ability to do this.

Anxiety and depression should not be the natural state for humans, life is hard enough, but part of me thinks once you have had 'clarity'; the standing on the edge of the abyss stuff, it is impossible to go back.

Pregnancy and life with children were the catalyst for me.

[hairytale]

I felt very well in pregnancy but I have had the most awful experience with PND - feeling properly mad at times. I'm nine months in and hoping it will get better.

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Most definitely. I was an anxious person before too, but not in the same way I am now. I get panicky quite a lot when out and about, about certain situations. My phobias are heightened also. My mood is much more up and down. The guilt I feel about various things, usually centred on the children, is much greater than it ever was before.

[recall]

Emphaticmaybe you explained that so well, that is just how I feel. I lost a baby at 22 weeks, and then had further mcs. Then my son choked on a vomit at 6 days old, he totally recovered, but he went blue, and was blue lighted into A&E. All this has fucked me up, and I'm always frightened, waiting for the next scary event.

Last night I found my 3 year old son, and 2 year old daughter playing with an empty paracetamol blister pack. I have no idea where they got it from, I am overly cautious with tablets etc. I had to take them into A&E to have their bloods checked to make sure they hadn't taken any. Now, even though they are fine, I am in a state - crapping it in case something else goes wrong. I just can't enjoy my life, and in a way wish I had never had children. This is misery Just wish I could step back through the door and close it.

[recall]

I wish I could take the children somewhere and hand them to a grown up who will look after them without being scared, then I could sit back and breath a sigh of relief.

A year ago, my new neighbour moved in and she is a paediatric nurse, and her husband is a surgeon. That made me feel a bit better. I the ink I drive them bonkers though

[ledkr]

Me too, I'm a mood swing queen since dd2 20 months unexpected pg bad spd and breathlessness she was born with cleft palate then went onto get pneumonia in laws played up. I haven't been the same since and ads don't work. It's very sad.

[keekeeblue]

It's like you have all read my mind!! I honestly thought I was mad. I have always been an anxious person but ever since my DS was born I feel an incredible amount of responsibility for him. I constantly think something is going to happen to him and it will all be my fault. Even when he is with my XH or my lovely DP I am constantly worried sick that something will happen and sometimes send them mad texts to make sure DS is OK. If I hear a loud bump from upstairs I think he has hurt himself. I am terrified that he will sleep walk in the night and fall down the stairs (he never sleep walks!). Yesterday at his swimming lesson I lost sight of him for a minute and then couldn't see him - I was so close to getting up and running screaming to see where he was. Thankfully I saw him before this happened.

Sometimes I would just like to run away and hide so I don't have to be responsible for him (I would never leave him or go on holiday without him, he is the light of my life).

I wonder whether the anxiety will ease as he gets older or will it suddenly turn off when he is 18??? Can I really cope with this any longer?

My counsellor thinks my emotions are stuck in my childhood as I was sexually abused as a child and have only recently spoke about it for the first time. I wonder whether the childlike emotions cause me to be anxious about the responsibility.

also my health anxiety - I think that every slight twinge/ache/pain is some life threatening illness and I will either be seriously ill or die, which makes me extremely anxious as I don't want anyone else to bring up my DS.

[Oopla]

Totally. I think pregnancy & birth bring about huge changes, Victorian asylums were full of new mums.
My second dc took me to that edge but we got through it, was very scared when became pg with number 3. Have been very anxious but able to recognise it on the whole.

[Mylittlepuds]

Yes. It's f***d me up for want of a better phrase. Never knew what anxiety was until DS was born, now I spend whole days in panic. He's 18 months and I'm of again...

[LosingItBigTime]

Exactly what mylittlepuds said

[Methe]

It fucked me up for a while tbh ( 5 mc, 1 of them at 17w, 2 prem births with hugely complicated pregnancies)

Tbh though, almost 4 years after my last birth I am getting there. I still get anxious but i feel like i'm back from the brink so to speak.

Pregnancy and resulting stress no doubt change things but I don't believe it's a permanent change.

Be proactive in dealing with it.

xx

[Mylittlepuds]

Pg again not of again! It's interesting to know (and comforting to know) that lots of us have felt like this.

[toptramp]

Well I would quite happily go off on a (shortish) holiday without dd if I knew she was safe.

I was a mess before dd so it hasn't made much difference except in some ways it has grounded me.

My mum developed bipolar as a result of having kids so yanbu.

[tabbycat15]

Yes I found as soon as I was pregnant I got panic attacks & kept crying. As soon as ds was born when I was back in the ward I couldn't stop crying. I ended up with severe pnd not diagnosed for 17 months dispire seeing 2 drs that said there was nothing wrong with me as my blood tests were fine.

My mum had the psychosis pnd when I was 1 & my brother was 2. She commited suicide.

My dad had sziophrenia so I was a high risk for depression.

I had 2 more children both with bad depression ante & postnatal. I am permanent on ad's & an anti psychotic. & see a psychiatrist.

[StandYourGround]

Well, I'm glad it's not just me!

I had a lovely pregnancy, birth was emergency c-section (but fine none the less) but it's like becoming a mother took away my ability to put on a front and to repress all the shit I had to deal with on the inside (terrible childhood, emotional, physical and sexual abuse, raped, bullying, anorexia, mental health ishoos etc etc etc).

Things got easier once I realised something was 'wrong' with me and I needed to see a doctor and counsellors etc. Funnily enough I didn't have any PND whatsoever, and me and my dh thought I was sure to get it!

I think all those of you dealing with pnd and / or mental health stuff and doing your best for your children - you are all fricking amazing.