Come and talk some sense to me - Health Anxiety

[mynameis]

2012 has been the year of my extreme healthy anxiety, mostly hidden from other people.
I occasionally confide my 'what if its cancer/brain tumour/heart attack' fears to Dh where he tries hard not to give me the face

Current obsessions are pain behind the eye - tumour obv. dr says cluster headache

Fleshy lump? (Prob fat) on base of neck. Convinced it wasn't there before but really can't go back to Docs again so soon.

Trying to maintain the calm exterior whilst inwardly screeching, which have to say is not helping the pain behind the eye!

Please tell me there is a way through this?

[GobblersKnob]

Have you had any CBT?

[mynameis]

I haven't. Is that something I can request through my GP?

[GobblersKnob]

Yes, definately. You could also look at Moodgym which can be quite helpful.

You have my utmost sympathy, HA is a very special kind of shite

[keekeeblue]

I know exactly how you feel. I used to go to the doctor rarely but when I was in a high state of anxiety I find myself going for most ridiculous things. Like you an unexplained pain in my stomach was cancer, pain in my breast was also cancer, swollen eye, insect bites the size of saucers which I thought were infected and I would get some terrible disease.

Thankfully I saw a doctor when I was getting terrible headaches (as you say tumor) who diagnosed anxiety and referred me for counselling. After 9 months of counselling which hasn't really helped the anxiety I am now being referred for CBT.

My sympathies and hope you get a referral.

[mynameis]

I find it so exhausting tbh. I'm sure I'm manifesting most of these symptoms just by worrying about them

[phlebas]

You have my upmost sympathy. I've had HA for the last 10 years or so - for me it is directed at other people (my children) but I ignore symptoms in myself (i've ended up quite ill as a result a couple of times :( ).

Did you have a trigger for your HA developing? Mine started with PND after my first child was born. It never really goes away but I've had two really debilitating episodes in the last 3 years & am in the midst of another ATM :( I find it really hard to cope with - I have a medical background & many of my friends & family are also medical so I'm enmeshed and have primary responsibility for making medical decisions but do not trust my judgement at all. It's also complicated because I have a disabled child so am in a medical environment reasonably often & have close friends dealing with terrifying health situations.

Anxiety is so exhausting to live with :(

[phlebas]

At the moment I'm scared by 3yo dd has leaukaemia (she's been pretty extensively investigated) and my 16mo has a brain tumour or muscular dystrophy. I'm not sure whether talking about the specific fears helps or makes it stronger - I tend not to because the last think I want is for my children to be affected. I haven't managed to eat for the last two days because I feel so sick with fear.

[mynameis]

Hi phlebas. I think mine maybe is a combination of PND and the fact that there have been several sudden deaths amongst family and friends this year.
MIL has also been seriously ill recently although thankfully she is recovering well.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time too.
I don't think I could talk about any of this in RL apart from a bit to DH

Searching previous HA threads on here has reassured me that I'm certainly not alone with these fears.

Sucks the joy out of life though doesn't it

[Noomininoo]

You're certainly not alone. I've suffered with anxiety & depression for as long as I can remember & been on ADs for about 14 yrs. I thought I'd experienced pretty much everything A & D could throw at me until I started getting Health anxiety a few months back. In the last few months I've 'had':

Skin cancer (from at least 5 different moles, all of which I've had for years)
Bowel Cancer (IBS - again, something I've had for years)
Breast Cancer (tender, lumpy breasts - checked by Dr - probably hormonal)
Lymphoma (swollen glands)
Mouth Cancer (ulcer - went after a few days)
Ovarian Cancer (bloating - again, IBS)

As you can see, the common theme here seems to be Cancer which terrifies me as I've lost so many family members to this horrible disease (including my Mum to Breast Cancer ). I'm just terrified that I'm not going to be around to see my 2 beautiful girls grow up .

I won't go the Dr (apart from the breast thing as I have a particular issue with that because of my Mum) as the rational side of me knows I'm being ridiculous & I don't want to be seen as a neurotic mad woman (even though I am ). I also find it really hard to talk to anyone about it in RL, even my lovely & very understanding DH (plus the fact I'm painfully shy & so don't really have any friends to speak of).

As you say, it really does suck the joy out of life as you can't just let go & relax or enjoy yourself as you have this constant worry that you're not going to last til the end of the year.

So, no sense to talk into you I'm afraid, just lots & lots of sympathy

[mynameis]

Noominoo your post bought tears to my eyes. So sorry to hear about your mum

I feel very much the same about not seeing my children grow up and that's probably the root of my fears tbh
Not so much something happening to me but what would happen to them if I wasn't here.

Posting here is therapeutic at least I can let some of my neurotic thoughts out

[CrikeyOHare]

Gosh. I clicked on MH with a view to starting a support thread about HA - but there's one here already :)

I am absolutely convinced that talking things through with people who truly understand and don't just think you're a weirdo/malingerer can help enormously.

I've suffered HA for about 20 years. It comes and goes in cycles & for some reason I am feeling very anxious at the moment.

you have this constant worry that you're not going to last til the end of the year Exactly. I keep thinking about Christmas and this nasty little voice keeps whispering, "But you might be dead by then". This is in spite of the fact that I really have no symptoms of anything at all & seem to be generally fit and healthy.

Can I run a very quick little straw poll: How many of us get the ectopic heartbeats? You know, the flutter & thump in the centre of the chest. This seems to be very common amongst anxious people.

[mynameis]

Hey CrikeyOHare love the name btw

I don't have the erratic heartbeat mine is all head pains. Whenever I have a 'what if its something deadly' moment I'm guaranteed to follow that up with a pain in the head

Do you have any coping mechanisms for you're HA?

[EddieVeddersfoxymop]

I have just had a holter monitor test, am awaiting the results. I worry so much that something is wrong in my head....I have autoimmune hypothyroidism and as such know something is wrong with my pituitary gland.....but the HA means I think its a tumour as I also get dizziness and flashing lights.

Now, the sensible bit of me says that that dizziness is BPPV (diagnosed by and ENT) and the flashing lights is all migraine related (suffered for years) but the HA says otherwise.

I hate this, been battling for over a year now....had CBT which worked for a while but its taking over again. Too anxious to take the meds that the doctor has suggested.....

[mynameis]

How is everyone feeling?

Have had a busy and quite positive week.

Not thinking about tight throat and headaches no siree!

[highlystrung]

I just wanted to contribute. I've had severe HA since the birth of my third child nearly three years ago. It is pure hell and you have my fullest sympathy. Mine started after she was born prem and had issues that I noticed first and everyone said 'oh she's fine'. Well she wasn't and when they finally twigged all hell broke loose - in high dependency, lots of tests for horrible illnesses. Anyway she didn't have anything long lasting, was treated and is fine now. But for some reason my 'high alert' state never really went away. Every time my kids are ill (which is a lot) I go into a panic. My husband is very weary. I saw a psychiatrist after the birth as had terrible PND (which I think was just anxiety but they don't seem to diagnose that - even shrink said i wasn't depressed just anxious). I wanted to say that you are so right about covering it up from other people. It's a cruel and debilitating illness and ruins your enjoyment of life.

I had CBT, worked for a bit. Running helps me - exercise seems to be very helpful.

Nothing very useful to add, just wanted to say you are not alone!

[keekeeblue]

It is awful. Had a bleed in middle of cycle - cervical cancer?? (will maybe get a check after googling symptoms and still coming up with cancer)

keep forgetting words in middle of sentence - brain cancer?? (GP says it's part of the anxiety)

leg hair plucking out of control - flesh eating disease from picking at scabs/hair folicles with tweezers!!?? (start obessessively cleaning tweezers with anti bac wipes!)

DS chewing toe nails!!! - stomach upset?? (no, he is fine and seems to be a normal thing with boys)

Lovely DP very quiet - he wants to leave me??? (no he is always quiet and happens to be reading a Lee Child thriller!)