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How to get Dr to believe that I need help?

(27 Posts)
Newlysingleandstuck Mon 08-Oct-12 09:37:46

I have spent all weekend working out how to kill myself. I have found the location, sorted out childcare, cleared up finances, cleaned the house and written clear instructions for the care of dd over the next few weeks.

Dd has an appointment at 11am which she desperately needs, so the plan was to take her to that, take her back to school, and go ahead with it after that.

Thinking about the negative impact it will have on dd made me come home and have a cup of tea, and all I can do is cry. A tiny part of me didn't want to just drop her at school and that be her last ever memory of me. I haven't stopped crying since I dropped her off at school, and I never cry. I want to ring the doctor and explain how desperate I am for help, but the last time I went to talk to them about this they said I was just anxious because my life was overloaded, and sent me away feeling like a total idiot. If they did that today I couldn't bear it, as trying to open up to them one more time is going to take such courage that I can't bear for them to dismiss me again.

Because I couldn't access professional help I made a conscious effort to improve my diet, relationships and exercise regime, as I knew I had to do it for dd. I now exercise 4 times a week for at least an hour, eat healthily and meet friends almost daily for a chat, or talk on the phone. However, most of my friends are going through serious things themselves, so I cannot tell them about me, I just say everything is fine, I am looking forward to x y z, when internally all I want to do is die. The thought of having to be alive for another week, month or year is so horrendous. The thought of having to live for a number of years is horrific. I don't want to damage dd, but I don't want to live any longer, there is nothing left for me to live for.

How can I make them believe me? For 20 mins I really don't want to die, and then I wonder why I'm wasting time, and think I should just get on with it.

WereTricksPotter Mon 08-Oct-12 09:42:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newlysingleandstuck Mon 08-Oct-12 09:54:33

Have rung the doctors, and printed it off, and am on a triage list? so a doctor is going to ring me back. I couldn't bring myself to say what it was about when the receptionist asked though, so don't know how to tell a doctor. I feel like some crazy attention seeker, but this is why I never tell anyone and bottle it up, as I don't want them to think that I'm crazy.

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 08-Oct-12 09:54:45

Go to A&E or call the NHS direct line and ask for the mental health nurse.

When you're doing better, print this off and file it along with a complaint to the practice manager of your GP surgery- getting the brush off when you are so down is applauling!

Hugs- don't worry about "wasting time"- there is probably a reason you need to waste time about this right now.

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 08-Oct-12 09:56:15

If you had a broken leg, or were struggling to breathe, or your back was killing you, would you worry about being a "crazy attention seeker"? This is similar to all that.

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 08-Oct-12 09:56:53

ps, when the doctor calls back, say "I'm going to read you a post I put on mumsnet" then read this out.

WereTricksPotter Mon 08-Oct-12 09:58:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dysfunctionalme Mon 08-Oct-12 10:00:43

Is there a community mental health team you can phone? You sound v depressed and I believe you have yourself organised and have made what may seem like a sensible plan, but part of you is holding back most likely because you are hoping there is someone who can help you. Which surely to god there is.
OK I have just looked it up, you can go (as WereTricksPotter says) to A&E or you can contact your CRHT (crisis resolution home treatment team). Sorry I couldn't find who exactly to phone but possibly if you call MIND 033 133 3393

If you do see your GP, and I can understand your reluctance, I think you need to tell them straight that you feel suicidal and you have a plan. I think the crucial informaton is having a plan as that apparently makes it a true risk as opposed to a vague possibility. Doctors and health professionals are about ticking boxes; if you say yes you feel suicidal but will probably just go home and get on with it, they will take you at your word, record it and know they are not liable for anything else that happens. If however, you explain how you really feel and what you have planned, they are obliged to act on it.

I hope you can make the call. I know you say you want to die but possibly after some rest and proper support you may feel differently?

dysfunctionalme Mon 08-Oct-12 10:02:32

Oh x-posted, you have made the call. Well done.

don't even go there with the time waster stuff, just hand over to them, you need help.

<speaks from experience>

Newlysingleandstuck Mon 08-Oct-12 10:04:01

I need to set off for school to pick dd up for her appointment, but I have got my sensible "dd needs me" head on, and know that the doctor is ringing and help will be on its way.

I also have the samaritans number with me if it flairs up again, so I am hopefully ok for today. I still haven't stopped crying, so am going to end up sobbing all the way to her classroom I think, it is a long time since I have been this bad! My brain seems to be over the worst, and it is a relief to have a small break from the planning if I'm honest-I have done nothing else for the past 2.5 days, and my neck is so sore and red from the constant subconscious touching and squeezing of it when thinking about what I was going to do.

Thank you all for replying, and making me realise people are around me, and i have help if I just reach out for it. I need to do that!!!!

dysfunctionalme Mon 08-Oct-12 10:28:57

Come back and post soon ok?

amillionyears Mon 08-Oct-12 10:36:16

I am very glad you wrote this post.
There are always some people on here wanting to help.
You can also personal message people on here. x

I would like to add,for anyone else reading this,that if you have a GP anywhere near as bad as the ops,to go and speak to another GP in the practice. All GPs are different to each other.

Willowisp Mon 08-Oct-12 10:43:23

Change of tack here. but you're absolutely not going to kill yourself, you WILL get through this, your DD needs you (& you will damage her). I remember someone once saying that once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up.

You've seen here that, whatever time of day or night, someone will be on here to talk to you.

Your Dr is a twat & I am so sorry you came away feeling like that.

PM me if you want to talk privately - I've no idea what's going on in your life, but I can completely relate to how your feeling.

PS crying is good, sobbing is better & talking is even better, perhaps ring the Samaritans ?

Agree that once you feel you have some support in place & are rested you should start to feel better ((big hugs))

MrsMuddyPuddles Mon 08-Oct-12 16:54:19

Newlysingle, How did the triage call from the GP go? hope they did indeed call you today

purplepenguin86 Mon 08-Oct-12 19:05:33

Just wanted to say I read this and am really sorry to hear you are struggling so much. I hope that you spoke to the GP and they were helpful, but if they weren't you do have other options. Please let us know what happened.

Hoophopes Mon 08-Oct-12 19:53:45

Hi - you cannot directly refer in most areas to Mental health teams (that is through Gp's or Social Services, after the Gp has tried the IAPT route and medication) however you have every right to go to A+E, tell them that you are actively suicidal with a plan and ask to speak to the on duty psychiatrist. You may have to wait a while (so think about childcare) but they will see you. This is often the quickest way to access immediate support - Gp should see you the same day, if not you can go to the Out of Hours Dr's nearest to where you live after the Gp practice is closed.

dysfunctionalme Mon 08-Oct-12 20:38:37

Newlysingle - did you get to speak to someone helpful?

curiousparent Mon 08-Oct-12 21:13:39

newlysingle just wanted to say how very sorry I am that you are feeling this way and that I truly hope you have received some support today. Please keep posting if you feel able so that we can help you.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Mon 08-Oct-12 21:39:24

Hi newlysingle if you've got to the point of making detailed plans then you do need taking very seriously and I hope your doctor did when they called back. If they didn't, there is still a way to access help.

I'm so glad that you have your DD as a reason to live, and she really is a very good reason to live. You dying would seriously hurt her for life and she needs you to be there and around for her. You're obviously very poorly at the moment, but you won't always feel the way you do and there is help out there to get you better.

If you find yourself feeling the same tomorrow then go straight to A&E. Explain to them exactly what you've written here - take it with you if it helps - they will call the Crisis Team who will come and see you and assess you and see what help and support they can give you to get through this. Please remember to do this, its so important that you get the help that you need.

I have been where you are this year and its so, so hard when you feel like there is no other way out. Keep talking to us. Please come and post again when you can.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Tue 09-Oct-12 12:50:42

Hey OP - how are you getting on today?

Newlysingleandstuck Wed 10-Oct-12 02:56:34

Hello! Sorry, my account was blocked for a day, someone myst have reported me for being a troll hmm. Not impressed with you whoever you are, talk about kicking someone when they are down!

Much better day today, but thoroughly exhausted! Fell asleep reading dd's bedtime story, woke up at 1am, and remembered I have to finish off some coursework before I get dd up and it is one of the early start days today (have to get wake her up at 5.45am, she hates it, and so do I!). At least I'm getting her up and not a foster carer, that's what I need to remember!! Am having a very early night tomorrow (or tonight!).

Thank you all for being so wonderful, I was so miserable, and am pleasantly surprised at how much better I feel today. The doctor did call back (I was pleasantly surprised!) and I am going for another appointment on Monday, so will see how things go. Am not looking any further forward than my next appointment/task at the moment-as far as I am concerned there is nothing beyond that, and that is helping a lot.

I am currently commuting to London for a professional course, and have been a single parent for just over 6 months, so the daily grind has been starting to feel exactly like that-a grind! Am moving house at the end of the month to somewhere 40 mins closer to school and the station, and it is much smaller and more manageable, but very expensive. My friends (who do not have children!) think I am being ridiculous, as it is (50%) more than I am paying for the mortgage and is rented, but the mental effort of cycling dd home for almost an hour at 6pm every evening after leaving the house at 6.45am, and then starting dinner, housework and course prep for the next day is too much for me to cope with. I would much rather be paying the extra and have some time to sleep, or have a bath. Hopefully this is a good turning point for us both, and being away from the family home will help me come to terms with starting divorce proceedings.

It has been a rough couple of years, but hopefully things are back on the up again. Thank goodness!

Thank you all for your support again, I really needed you (and still do!)

ripsishere Wed 10-Oct-12 03:11:17

I wasn't there at the beginning of this thread (and shame on whoever reported it as trolling)
Very glad you sound a lot more upbeat and positive. Glad your GP listened and great about your proposed move.

curiousparent Wed 10-Oct-12 07:46:27

Newlysingle so glad to see you back and am glad that you are feeling a little less down, it is good that you see how important you are to DD and I truly hope you deserve the help that you need from your GP now.

Keep posting any time that you need to, there are so many people here who genuinely care for you.

Keema a really helpful post. Sorry to hear that you too have had difficult times and I hope that you are well on the mend.

amillionyears Wed 10-Oct-12 08:23:01

Glad things have got a bit better.
Moving closer to everything should help your situation.

WereTricksPotter Wed 10-Oct-12 11:07:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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