i finished my counselling today

[ThatVikRinA22]

finished. bumpy start last November with the wrong counsellor - switched in March to a lovely lovely lady who helped me no end.

today was my last session.

there is a difference in me. whatever happens now, whether i stay in the job, whether i dont, i feel it was worth it.

i think its driven home the absolute importance of having the right counsellor. i had no idea how important that was. i was going to give up, the first counsellor was a tit. (made stupid references to my son having SN and asked if i had mentioned it to get a "poor me" response......like i said - he was a tit.)

that said, my new counsellor said i did come in as a victim - thats probably true since my mother had tried to get in touch and had left me reeling, along with the problems i had with renewed contact with my brother at that time, the difficulties i was having with DS, the job, the pressures were intolerable.

so, since march, ive done rewind therapy, which took away the emotion from the past, meaning i had the freedom then to look much more objectively.
CBT which i have found really hard, but am learning.
hypnotherapy for relaxation.

i took my counsellor a big bunch of flowers today. i dont think i realised how much work i had to do, or how numb i had become, never daring to lift the lid on feelings i had no idea what to do with.

but i feel like im less of a people pleaser. i feel like i am going to do my thing and trust my self much much more, because my instincts are always right. they are. they are good. i seek reassurance too much.
and i am who i am. at 40 thats not going to change, and its ok. i am a care giver, and thats not a bad thing. not even in the job im in. there is a different way of doing things and thats not necessarily wrong.

so
ive got to try to get comfortable with myself now and not slip backwards. Feels odd to have finished counselling. i could have probably gone on for a long time, but i had limited sessions and a really good counsellor in the end who saw that, and got straight to the crux of the problem.

so now i suppose its up to me.

[ThatVikRinA22]

and i cut contact with my brother, and did not respond to my mothers message.
that took a lot, but shows how far i had come already, and what mind set i was in.
it just needed some work.

[DameKewcumber]

I'm glad you ended up with the right counsellor. WHy my Dad walked out after being with my mum for 35 years she ended up in a downward spiral and struggled to get out of it. The counsellor she first went to was attached to the GP and to be honest I think my mum was worse after a couple of sessions with her than before! I mean I had kinda expected a degree of pain going through it before she improved but she was a sobbing wreck almost constantly for a week afterwards. She went back to GP and referred to a brilliant guy. The change was noticeable after one session and after 4 sessions she didn't need him anymore.

Of course her issue was probably a great deal less complex than yours by the sound of it, I wanted to say that I agree - I'd never realised how important it is to get a decent counsellor and one which works for you.

I hope things continue to improve for you.

[mashedpotatohead]

Well done Vicar, it can be an arduous journey eh.

I also had a 'tit' of a counsellor but didn't have the confidence to change as I thought thats just how it was. V.damaging. However, I eventually had CBT though my GP & the counsellor was brilliant. You're right it does make such a difference.

It's quite strange when it comes to an end, I hate endings! I get really attached in that kind of 'helping' relationship. I was so intrigued by counselling though, that I went onto train & qualify, so have an even better understanding now.

It sounds like you have reached a point where you can remove the toxic people from your life, good for you. That's not an easy thing to do. As far as slipping into old habits, I would say keep the paperwork handy to remind yourself as it is easy to slip. The one tool I use all the time is 'what's the evidence' & that really keeps me on track & especially halts the people pleasing!

You should be really proud of yourself....good luck x