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i finished my counselling today

(4 Posts)
ThatVikRinA22 Thu 04-Oct-12 21:18:31

finished. bumpy start last November with the wrong counsellor - switched in March to a lovely lovely lady who helped me no end.

today was my last session.

there is a difference in me. whatever happens now, whether i stay in the job, whether i dont, i feel it was worth it.

i think its driven home the absolute importance of having the right counsellor. i had no idea how important that was. i was going to give up, the first counsellor was a tit. (made stupid references to my son having SN and asked if i had mentioned it to get a "poor me" i said - he was a tit.)

that said, my new counsellor said i did come in as a victim - thats probably true since my mother had tried to get in touch and had left me reeling, along with the problems i had with renewed contact with my brother at that time, the difficulties i was having with DS, the job, the pressures were intolerable.

so, since march, ive done rewind therapy, which took away the emotion from the past, meaning i had the freedom then to look much more objectively.
CBT which i have found really hard, but am learning.
hypnotherapy for relaxation.

i took my counsellor a big bunch of flowers today. i dont think i realised how much work i had to do, or how numb i had become, never daring to lift the lid on feelings i had no idea what to do with.

but i feel like im less of a people pleaser. i feel like i am going to do my thing and trust my self much much more, because my instincts are always right. they are. they are good. i seek reassurance too much.
and i am who i am. at 40 thats not going to change, and its ok. i am a care giver, and thats not a bad thing. not even in the job im in. there is a different way of doing things and thats not necessarily wrong.

ive got to try to get comfortable with myself now and not slip backwards. Feels odd to have finished counselling. i could have probably gone on for a long time, but i had limited sessions and a really good counsellor in the end who saw that, and got straight to the crux of the problem.

so now i suppose its up to me.

ThatVikRinA22 Thu 04-Oct-12 21:20:45

and i cut contact with my brother, and did not respond to my mothers message.
that took a lot, but shows how far i had come already, and what mind set i was in.
it just needed some work. smile

DameKewcumber Thu 04-Oct-12 21:30:37

I'm glad you ended up with the right counsellor. WHy my Dad walked out after being with my mum for 35 years she ended up in a downward spiral and struggled to get out of it. The counsellor she first went to was attached to the GP and to be honest I think my mum was worse after a couple of sessions with her than before! I mean I had kinda expected a degree of pain going through it before she improved but she was a sobbing wreck almost constantly for a week afterwards. She went back to GP and referred to a brilliant guy. The change was noticeable after one session and after 4 sessions she didn't need him anymore.

Of course her issue was probably a great deal less complex than yours by the sound of it, I wanted to say that I agree - I'd never realised how important it is to get a decent counsellor and one which works for you.

I hope things continue to improve for you.

mashedpotatohead Fri 05-Oct-12 09:37:04

Well done Vicar, it can be an arduous journey eh.

I also had a 'tit' of a counsellor but didn't have the confidence to change as I thought thats just how it was. V.damaging. However, I eventually had CBT though my GP & the counsellor was brilliant. You're right it does make such a difference.

It's quite strange when it comes to an end, I hate endings! I get really attached in that kind of 'helping' relationship. I was so intrigued by counselling though, that I went onto train & qualify, so have an even better understanding now.

It sounds like you have reached a point where you can remove the toxic people from your life, good for you. That's not an easy thing to do. As far as slipping into old habits, I would say keep the paperwork handy to remind yourself as it is easy to slip. The one tool I use all the time is 'what's the evidence' & that really keeps me on track & especially halts the people pleasing!

You should be really proud of yourself....good luck x

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