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In nned of some advice...(2 Posts)
I am just really wanting to vent and also have some adivce.
I am really struggling at the moment with anxiety (most severe I have ever felt it) I think it might be turning into a bit of depression too, but not sure as my mood just feels really low at certain times, but can pick up as day goes on.
My story is this. I have had anxiety - pretty mild compared to this - since the birth of my first DS 6 years ago. I have mainly managed on my own have had a bit of CBT and Hypnotherapy. Anyway, a few weeks ago I was feeling pretty unwell and convinced myself that I was having a total breakdown. I had horrific thoughts of killing my two beautiful little boys - I have never had any thought like this before hand and it was terrifiy and devistating this all happened on a Sunday and I had my aunt came down and stayed with me over night and I went to the GP on the monday - I was a mess. I had bloods taken and a few things were put in place I.e. CPN, etc. My GP called later that night to say that I had a heamaglobin of 5.9 and the lack of oxegen getting to my brain/vital organs would have been the reason for me thinking I was going crazy and the horrific thoughts. It was all such a relief and I was taken into hospital for a trasfusion that night...4 pints of blood later I leave the hospital feelign amazing. Still on iron tabs.
I felt great for the first few weeks, but this week I have really felt awful. The anxiety has been unreal, couldnt eat, sleep and struggling to function on the morning. I feel nervous around my boys alone...not because I think I might harm them now, but I guess terrified that I might get that feeling back ever again. It has totally devistated me that I could even think that about them...its eating away at me and I am torturing myself. I actually wish I could go back into hospital and not have to deal with this all right now. My hubby works away and has been away since last week, he is back on monday night and it cannot come fast enough.
I was back at my GP's yesterday as it was all getting too much...she prescribed prochlorperazine (stematil). I took 2 yesterday and was feeling a lot calmer. I slept great last night - best I have in a good few nights. The morning I didnt want to get out of bed as was and still am feeling really tired. My beautiful boys are at school and nursery just now and I can feel my mood lifting. I have been referred to my CPN so waiting on an appointment and discussed the possibility of AD's if I dont start to feel better.
I have been signed back to work on Monday. As i feel that sitting about the house dwelling on things is making me feel worse. I need the distraction if that makes sence.
My biggest fear right now is that this will lead to a full breakdown and how do i come back from that. Probably being totally irrational at the moment...but thats my brain for you.
Sorry for the long story...just wanted to vent.
Thank you for reading if you go this far! x x
Hi Yommy, so sorry you are feeling this way. It must have been really scary having those thoughts. Try not to torture yourself (although we all do it eh) You sound like a lovely caring mother who wants the best for her boys.
So is your heamaglobin at the right level now? I'm not sure what prochlorperazine is, sounds like it's helping you sleep though?
I had pnd after having my ds1 6 yrs ago & suffered anxiety after ds2 nearly 3yrs ago. I've experienced those very dark & lonely moments. My heart really goes out to you & you're so not alone. Keep venting if it is helping. There are some lovely supportive ladies on here.
I take sertraline which has diminished a large amount of my anxiety. I'm a bit of a cbt fan too I had it after ds2 & that really helped me. I was offered it free through my GP.
Can you talk to the CPN about your anxieties around having a breakdown? I'm sorry I don't have lots of worldly advice but sending you a really big ((((hug)))
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