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(7 Posts)
Godknows1234 Wed 03-Oct-12 23:59:47

So my dd has been accused by my mother in law, who has got dementia, of being a theif. I know there is no way in hell my dd would steal of her but I'm not sure weather to tell my mother in law that she did to make her happy, or that she didn't so that we were telling the truth. Also so that my dd don't have to take the blame. She's 14 and willing to but I'm not sure, any advice?

suburbophobe Thu 04-Oct-12 00:03:47

I don't think you should go along with her, and definately not for your daughter's sake. It's a slippery slope.

You could soften the blow tho and just ask if she mislaid it somewhere.

Dementia's a horrible illness, my DM has it.

NanaNina Thu 04-Oct-12 00:21:41

One of the symptoms of dementia is accusing people of stealing. Many years ago an aunt who really loved me, told my parents that I had stolen her sheets and my parents believed her, as she was apparently very plausible. I hadn't of course but she had dementia.

It may well be that your MIL has forgotten that she made this accusation as short term memory is affected as I'm sure you know. I would not mention it again unless she brings it up and then you could gently tell her that your DD hadn't stolen from her, but you know that she believed that she had.

My aunt began to imagine all sorts of things e.g. there had been men cutting down big trees at the bottom of her garden (there were no trees to cut down) and at first I was trying to impress upon her that there weren't any trees, but she insisted. Then she said the neighbours were looking into her pantry window (again not so) but I found the best way was not to challenge her, because that is trying to deal with irrationality with rationality and it doesn't work with a brain disorder. I used to just nod and change the subject and this seemed to be the best way of dealing with it.

I am sure you realise that your MIL can't help what she is saying and doing as it is a result of dementia, which is indeed a dreadful illness.

Godknows1234 Thu 04-Oct-12 00:21:55

It's been missing for a couple of months, as a part of her illness she hids thing, we literally tipped the house upside dorm trying to find it but we couldn't. I'm not sure. But thank you for the advice, I don't think I'll make my dd take the blow

Godknows1234 Thu 04-Oct-12 00:23:43

Thank you for the advice :-)

gussiegrips Thu 04-Oct-12 00:27:03

Have you looked at dementia UK

They are very nice, and a great resource at figuring out how to handle mistaken beliefs.

Also, does your MIL have support? Do you?

Good luck, your DD sounds very mature and quite lovely.


Godknows1234 Thu 04-Oct-12 15:29:26

We're getting as much support for her as we can, and thank you :-)

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