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To ask how to get help for my son - NOW!

(22 Posts)
Tamisara Wed 03-Oct-12 11:15:31

I've posted this here, as it's urgent - very!

MyDS is 20. He has had mental health problems since his dad (schizophrenic) attacked & tried to kill us, when he was 12.

When he was in 6th form, he became violent, and attacked me, and held a knife to a girl. He took an overdose & was reffered to CMHT.

He has had numerous 'episodes' of self-harm, getting very drunk, breaking furniture at my parents, and going missing, so the police have looked for him.

When my DD1 was ill a while ago, my DS called me up to his place, and confronted me with a knife. There was blood over the walls & floors. The police arrested him, and he wsa assessed under mental health act, but released as they thought it was alcohol related.

Last night his GF phoned me, to say that he had cut himself, but had NOT been drinking.

He came round to mine, his cut was at least an inch thick. The police & ambulance came. He was taken to hospital. HE discharged himself, and the police came to see me (he did arrive at mine in a hospital gown). The cut is so severe on his arm, that they couldn't stich it, and he needs an operation. They are worried that it could suddenly bleed.

The police think he needs to be sectioned - but spoke to his CPN, who has said that he "doesn't have mental health problems, but it's alcohol related". This is fucking bullshit! The stupid cow has never seen him for more than a few minutes, and he acts normally.

The police have said they think he is not normal. He keeps saying his phone is bugged, that the cola corpotarion are evil, need to be taken down, and we are not real - he said this to the police officer today.

The police wanted to take hiim to hospital, as him arm is so worrying. But they can't as the CPN said he is of sound mind, and can refuse treatment.

I have phoned the mental health team, and said that if he hurts himself (he is still wanting to die) then I will haul them through the courts.

CrunchyFrog Wed 03-Oct-12 11:17:56

Oh god, you poor thing. I'm so sorry, I don't know how to help, but I am sure that a CPN does not have the right to decide on a section, and your son has a right to a second opinion.

He needs a psychiatrist, can you phone his GP and ask for help?

SummerSolstice Wed 03-Oct-12 11:21:03

Your son does appear to be very ill. I am sorry you are going through this. Have you tried speaking to the GP? The GP can make the arrangements required (referrals, etc) for sectioning if this is appropriate. Before calling make a chronological list of all of your concerns to discuss. After you conversation back this up with a fax and/or letter, stating the same facts.

Alternatively, call the duty team of your local Social Services (should be able to find the number on your Local Authority website) and see if a Social Worker can assess and perhaps give your son’s case more oomph? Keep piling the pressure on and you will get a result.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Oct-12 11:22:42

Definitely get hold of the GP and as for a mental health assessment to be done. Obviously not the same CPN. He's entitled to a second or third opinion if you're not satisfied with the first.

Can you persuade him to go back to hospital? It may be easier to get something sorted once he back in a hospital environment. I don't know if they could also check his blood alcohol level because if there is no evidence of him drinking then CPN's theory is undermined. Perhaps if the CPN sees him in this state they might think differently.

CookingFunt Wed 03-Oct-12 11:25:36

I think he can be sectioned and kept if he is a risk to himself and/or others,which by your op it sounds like he is. Get back onto the police and get them to tell you the procedure.

Stay strong OP you are doing whats best for him xxxxx.

Tamisara Wed 03-Oct-12 17:25:59

Thank you for your replies. I wrote this after the police had dropped DS & me at my parents (having to leave DD1 in a panic this morning, and not even having a cup of tea).

Whilst writing the post, his CPN rang & asked us to bring him in immediately. I've literally just got in, having been away from DD1 all day, and sitting in various waiting rooms. I am now very irritable, hungry & tired.

Well, it seems DS has lied to both his CPN & us. He has seen her, but never told her the truth, not even when he cut himself badly a month ago. Apparently she should have been informed previously, but the crisis team never told her.

She (and I've changed my opinion of her, she seems lovely), and a crisis team colleague assessed him. He admitted he still wanted to die. He said some bizarre things, and his behaviour was odd.

They both said he was clearly unwell, and they weren't confident that he could be safe out of hospital. They gave him a choice - either admit himself voluntarily, or have the mental health invoked, and have an assessment, and be admitted under section. They got him to agree to going on his own volition, saying that he held more rights this way.

We took him in, then waited... and waited... and waited... Eventually the nurse came in and started the admission process, saying the dr would be in soon. They took him to see the ward, whilst we waited for the dr. After two hours, just my mum & me sitting in a room alone, we asked what was happening. We were told that he'd already seen the dr, and had gone to his room angry

I went to his flat to get some clothes for him. There was blood leading up three flights to his flat. A woman questioned me, as the residents were concerned.

I took the clothes to him - and the bloody fiasco has started again! I was asked if I could take him to hospital as his cut needed medical attention - no shit Sherlock! That would be why the police came searching for him to take him back. I refused. One I don't drive, and two - why the fuck would I have wasted a whole day trying madly to get him help, if the answer was so fucking simple?

So the nurse said they could arrange transport themselves, and a member of staff would attend, then he would be transferred back... Good! But then they said that the Dr didn't think he was in danger of hurting himself, Ds had told them he could stay with my parents, and he would be safe. I got angry (and am lucky not to have been sectioned myself). NO my parents will not have in their house to stay. They are disabled pensioners, who are fed up with him getting drunk, hurting himself, going missing, and smashing up their furniture.

I am so angry. His CPN & the crisis team assessor both thought he was at serious risk of harm to himself & others, yet some wanky psych gets to talk to him alone, he puts on the charm offensive, and convinces them he had a bad night, and will be safe in the bosom of his family. No reference to the increasingly worsening episodes of self-harm.

To top it all the police want his ex-GF's name (I only know first), address (no idea) and number (happily given), to do with last night's incident. I'm now shit scared that they are trying to get her to coroborate what happened - which I'm sure they'll do, but the fact that they may suspect that I somehow may have been involved is obviously inferred. I have a little 2 yr old, and am now terrified. I feel like leaving & runnimg away. What a shit day.

TirednessKills Wed 03-Oct-12 18:33:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tamisara Wed 03-Oct-12 18:48:52

Thanks. It is entirely possible. He does say he is like his dad. I wonder if I may have it too, as I've since been diagnosed with bipolar - both of us becoming 'ill' after the attack. Very interesting, and something to look into in the future... I just hope they keep him in. It was so close to his artery, and the communal stairs & walls are covered in blood.

He is in hospital now. Apparently he needs plastic surgery, as the wound is too deep/wide, to be sutured, and needs plastic sugery to close it.

When he was crying he looked just like my little boy again. But other times he switches and becomes aggressive, and won't engage. I can't have him here when he's been drinking (last night was obviously different as he was injured), because I won't expose DD1 to that, but then I feel guilty towards DS. Other times (when sober) DS has acted strangely & scared DD1, so she then clings to me.

TirednessKills Wed 03-Oct-12 19:09:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tamisara I am sure this is hard for you but I think your DS is in the best place for him right now. Hopefully he will now get a proper assessment of his current mental state and the treatment he needs for his physical injuries.

I hope you are doing OK as this must be a very stressful time.

RandomMess Wed 03-Oct-12 22:37:31

Oh Tami, just can't believe you have this to cope with as well, thinking of you x

cestlavielife Wed 03-Oct-12 22:57:37

There is a likelihood he will discharge himself again tomorrow in few days? You need to make sure neither you nor your parents take him in. He clearly needs help and you need to make sure you don't take him in as you have dd to thnk of .

shewhowines Wed 03-Oct-12 23:11:55

Oh dear that sounds so dreadful and upsetting for you all.

I think it will continue to be a cycle of him agreeing then changing his mind. I think you need to think about him being sectioned so that he can get the right help. Contact the CPN lady again and ask her for help and advice again.

Refuse to take him back or allow him home on his own. He needs help and it looks like you are going to have to fight hard to get it for him. Keep calm and assertive. Whilst it is understandable "losing it ", it is not going to help you to be taken notice of. Ask for things in writing. People are going to be a lot more careful of what they advise or do if there is a paper trail leading any consequences back to them.

Make an assertive fuss and be like a dog with a bone. It won't make you popular but it's those that make a fuss that get what they want. If they can fob you off they will.

purplepenguin86 Thu 04-Oct-12 00:57:00

Under the law of the Mental Health Act, you are his Nearest Relative. NRs have the power to request a MHA assessment. What the CPN thinks will be utterly irrelevant, unless she happens to be an AMHP, and happens to be the one to assess him (unlikely). If you formally request an assessment, which you are perfectly entitled to do, then he will have to be assessed by an AMHP (usually a social worker) and 2 doctors, who will decide whether or not he needs to be detained under the MHA. I have no idea what the outcome will be, but it sounds like he is pretty ill, so hopefully even if they don't feel that he needs to be sectioned they will be able to put some other appropriate support into place. You don't need to go through the CPN if you would rather not. If the GP is sympathetic that is an option - otherwise you can contact the local authority. It sounds as though he could be experiencing some psychosis, and that should be taken seriously, particularly given the family history.

purplepenguin86 Thu 04-Oct-12 00:59:43

And now just read your updates....! Glad he is getting some help. Do remember you have options if you need them in the future.

TirednessKills Thu 04-Oct-12 07:23:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaPeaceAndLoveMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 04-Oct-12 11:29:13

HI there
We have moved this thread out of AIBU
Best of luck with it all and hope you can get some help and support, OP

WithanAnotE Thu 04-Oct-12 20:52:16

Tamisara, what a nightmare for you sad. Think Purple makes a lot of sense.
Am bumping for you as I know there are posters on MH that can give good advice and help. In the interim <<hugs>>. I hope you can get access to some help that is of friggin use proper help soon.

GRW Thu 04-Oct-12 21:05:43

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope your son will get the support he needs, and be transferred back to the mental health ward once he has recovered from surgery.

Tamisara Fri 05-Oct-12 09:24:25

Thank you all. Purple it is good to know that I can request a MHA assessment, and will definitely do so, if needs be.

There was an interesting development yesterday, which gave some hope, that someone has taken notice. I had a phone call from his named nurse (who is lovely), to say that the on duty Dr reviewed him again yesterday, and he was calmer, more lucid, and agreed with the previous Dr, that he should be released.

Then, DS's consultant intervened, saying that this has happened too many times, and that he will benefit from being in for a while, and be observed. They told DS that at the moment he is in on an informal basis, but if he were to try to leave, they would invoke a MHA something, which means he will be held for 72 hours in the first instance (sorry I can't remember what he said, just that he would be held on section).

His arm still hasn't been seen to. He was due to go yesterday morning, but they cancelled, and was due to go this morning. So he cut his arm severely on Tuesday night, and the wound has remained open since then. I can't blame anyone for that - it was DS who walked out of the hospital - if he hadn't it would have been fixed.

cestlavielife Fri 05-Oct-12 12:52:16

glad the consultant intervened ... openthey kep him there. is it far from main hospital with sticching uparms people? dont understand how they not taking him to get seen to?
will he follow medication/therapy once he out of hospital?

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