Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Head not in a good place. Dredging up everything.

(4 Posts)
claremcfuddle Thu 27-Sep-12 20:00:03

The story about the school girl running off with her teacher is really messing with my head. I imagine there are lots of women who it's a bit 'close to home' for.

I had a teacher at school who I was very close to. He never really did anything but did overstep the mark a few times. He taught me for 5 years between 13-18. I used to wonder if he would ever ask me out when I left school and came to my own conclusion that he probably wouldn't. I mean, that was such a crazy idea, he was much, much older.

I never tested the theory. I got myself a boyfriend and his behaviour towards me changed and he became really cold for a while. I left and went to college, we kept in touch via letter. Whenever I was home for the holidays he would find excuses to come and see me wherever I was working. I still wondered what his feelings were and never asked.

About 14 years later, just before I got married, he told me he wanted to be more than friends and indicated he'd always felt that way. Told me he loved me. I was pretty devastated that neither of us had ever said anything about it at the time.

To be honest, I don't think the relationship would have lasted. I don't know because we didn't test it. He's still in my life as a friend and I'm married and have children. I don't want to be with him at all, I just wish I'd had the courage to trust my feelings when I was 16.

This story in the press is really upsetting me. I can't think of anything else. After all these years, he still has some sort of hold on me and I think if I'd have tested the relationship out, it would have fizzled out and I'd have been free of him. I really like him as a person. He never married.

Confused, really.

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Any perspective on what happened? Be nice, I'm really feeling wobbly.

aggadoo Thu 27-Sep-12 22:14:47

I am wondering how come he didn't ever meet anyone else/get married? Perhaps there was a good reason for that....and I don't mean you! We always want what we can't have and a parent/teacher relationship definitely has those boundaries in place already, so makes it more appealing to some people,- more risk/excitement. If you like him (as you say you do) try to look back at your relationship as soulmates 'of a kind' - perhaps he was in your life to show you something and not meant to be there for the long haul. Also remember its harder to meet someone the older you get, so as he was getting older his chances of meeting Mrs right dwindled making you even more appealing, whilst you were reaching the prime of your life (relationship wise) so to speak and had more choice I'd imagine!

amillionyears Fri 28-Sep-12 09:46:14

How much older than you is he?

BrianButterfield Fri 28-Sep-12 21:30:43

It seems to me that while he is still in your life, that part of you will always be stuck as a teenager - so while you can objectively see that you should be able to move on and be happy with your life as it is, your emotional "inner teenager" is stopping you from fully living that life. I suppose you either get rid of him from your life or explore ways of preventing that teenager from ruling your head.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now