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Husband doesn't understand depression

(8 Posts)
SuzySuzSuz Wed 26-Sep-12 08:17:26

Hi there,

I wondered if there were any recommended books on depression which I could get husband to read? We have a good relationship but I do periodically get depressed which he finds hard to understand and also tries to "fix" it, which isn't really possible. I then get more upset at feeling a let down and misunderstood, especially with what feels like unemotional questioning while husband tries to find root cause.

I've never gone to the GP as felt my periods of depression are relatively short and periodic. I generally get feelings of low self worth, crying, not wanting to go to work or outside and can normally deal with this over a few days. Sometimes there may be a clear trigger but often there is not, which I know husband finds difficult to understand. My Mum's been on anti depressants since her late 30's, don't know if this can be genetic or 'taught'/inherited.

I just feel like I'm talking an alien language when I try to explain this to husband so wondered if anyone else had experienced the same or how you got through it?

Thanks for reading.

lovepink Wed 26-Sep-12 10:25:22

hiya, i was diagnosed with depression about 6 months ago and my
partner just doesnt understand at all, i actually think he makes me worse sometimes. i do take anti-depressants but im not sure if they are helping as much as they should!! i think you should contact your gp though, just even someone to talk to and see if u do maybe need some tablets.

SminkoPinko Wed 26-Sep-12 10:44:55

What are you doing to address the depression? If you are not making any definite efforts to treat it via therapy or medication maybe he just doesn't accept that you are ill at all? He might just think "bad/sad mood- get over it, life's not so bad," sort of thing. Or he might think, "oh dear she is ill but she won't do anything to help herself so there's nothing I can do except try and find out if there's anything in particular bugging her." He may also be desperate not to fall into the "counsellor" role, suspecting (rightly ime!) that this can sound the death knell for healthy relationships. Maybe you should go to the GP and see whether you meet the criteria for clinical depression and, if so, consider the treatment options? It is quite difficult being the partner of someone who is not prepared to seek help for a mental illness, imo, and easy to get into a difficult cycle of trying to cheer up someone who actually needs to take responsibility for managing their own health. Like any illness, depression can have a massive impact on family life.

cestlavielife Wed 26-Sep-12 10:58:00

go to gp together and talk it thru. even if ou dont want to be treated, it might make it seem more real.

buy anne sheffield book www.amazon.co.uk/How-Survive-When-Theyre-Depressed/dp/0609804154/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b
and mathw johnstone www.amazon.co.uk/Living-Black-Dog-Matthew-Johnstone/dp/1845297431/ref=pd_sim_b_2

but if you not getting it properly diagnosed is hard for you h to deal with and understand!

SuzySuzSuz Wed 26-Sep-12 13:05:13

Thanks so much for the advice, I've booked a GP appointment and just want a ponder on whether I go to this one myself or we both go together. Thanks for reading and replying : )

SminkoPinko Wed 26-Sep-12 13:23:15

Good luck. I think that is a really good and brave decision. I hope you have a lovely GP who will be sympathetic and helpful. smile

catstail Wed 26-Sep-12 13:45:16

take your dh, hopefully he will say something dense or twatty, and if he does the gp will correct him like a shot. at the very least he will understand that it is a recognised medical problem

Blondenurse Wed 26-Sep-12 14:45:08

This is a book we recommend to people on the waiting list for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depression-Cognitive-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1849010668/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1348666737&sr=1-1

Your GP will be able to assess you and recommend a course of action - you don't have to battle this alone. There is a strong familial link in depression, so it may be something biological that might benefit from antidepressants.

Good luck smile

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