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Husband isn't coping 6 months after our sons traumatic birth

(8 Posts)
SandyChick Tue 25-Sep-12 13:11:33

Ds2 is 6 months old. I don't want to go into it too much in case I out myself but basically I ended up quite poorly when ds was born (6 hours in surgery,admitted to HDU and needed a subsequent operations days later).

Dh has been a bit miserable lately but nothing that seemed out of the ordinary. A few days ago he said he wanted to talk to me about something. He says he's finding it hard to cope/come to terms with what happened. He's having panick attacks and irrational thought. He isn't sleeping and is having nightmares. He says he didn't mention it and thought it would get better but it's getting worse.

I've tried googling for info but it all related to the mam rather than the dad.

Not really sure what to do. The Gp doesn't seem to understand or be taking it seriously. I think Dh is a bit embarrassed and maybe hasn't told the Gp the full extent of his feelings. Can the HV help Dh? ??

littlebluechair Tue 25-Sep-12 13:19:22

Hi, first of all congrats on your DS but so sorry to hear it was traumatic.

Your GP needs to refer your DH to mental health services. My advice would be to simply ask for a referral - has your DH done this?

We had quite a bit of trauma as our DS was very ill, both Dh & I had flashbacks and things.

It sounds like it could be PTSD or similar, this is very normal and your GP is being an arse not to take it seriously. Is there another GP in the practice? Would your husband allow you to join him in the appointment?

littlebluechair Tue 25-Sep-12 13:19:37

Or could you afford a private therapist?

SandyChick Tue 25-Sep-12 13:38:15

Risking totally outing myself here but never mind.

Dh is in the armed forces. Thats the main reason why he has kept it to himslef. He started pre deployment training this week which is when it's got to the point that he isn't coping at all and told me. I obviously don't doubt him but I think work think he's just trying to get out of deploying which he is absolutely not doing. he would never make something up like this especially to try and get out of work.

He's been to see the doctor who told him to come back on thursday presumably to see another doctor. I don't think they know why to do with him.

I really feel for Dh because he's in limbo waiting for someone to say ok then you can go home or whatever needs doing. In the mean time he's at work.

I'm really worried about him. He cant always call so I go days without hearing from him. He just doesn't sound like himself at all when I do manage to speak to him.

littlebluechair Tue 25-Sep-12 13:46:24

OK, this is extremely serious and your DH needs to speak to work - not coping in his profession is not a risk to be taken lightly.

I know nothing of the armed forces but he needs some advice quickly really.

In his profession he needs much more support than in a run of the mill job doesn't he?

Could you post in 'forces sweethearts' or whatever the section is called to get advice?

Is it an army doctor he has seen? has he spoken to a senior officer? Like I say, I know nothing so please don't follow my advice but I think he should push for help.

SandyChick Tue 25-Sep-12 13:53:13

He has spoken to his 'boss' but its his mate and i dont think he's told him the full story as he's too embarrassed. I don't think the work doctor knew what to do really. I'll post on forces sweathearts too.

If he was a civvie I would expect to go to your Gp and be referred to the appropriate people but its not like that for Dh.

Thank you for your advice smile

littlebluechair Tue 25-Sep-12 13:56:25

There simply must be a helpline for people in the forces, I can't imagine there wouldn't be? Maybe I am too optimistic about how the forces are treated?

littlebluechair Tue 25-Sep-12 13:57:58

Forces Line:
www.forcesline.org.uk Free confidential helpline completely independent of the military chain of command. Civilian staff provide a supportive, listening and signposting service for serving personnel and their families as well as former members of the armed Forces. The telephone support line is available 365 days a year and can be accessed from anywhere in the world.

Freephone Numbers:
From the UK (Main Line): 0800 731 4880
From Germany: 0800 1827 395
From Cyprus: 800 91065
From the Falkland Islands #6111
From anywhere in the world (Call-back) +44 (0)1980 630854

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