Seeing a counsellor tonight

[Ormiriathomimus]

What will happen?

No idea at all really. Do I just talk and she pats my knee and says 'there there' or offer advice?

I have booked it because MN advised me too and I didn't know what else to do. Just found one locally. I want to stop myself driving myself slowly crazy with unwelcome thoughts and questions, need to stop relying on DH for answers and support as he is the cause of all this angst, and want to start being a 100% involved mother again instead of a distracted one. Oh and not make any more mistakes at work because my head is all over the place .

She's an integrative counsellor if that helps.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

First time I visited a counsellor, she asked me a few questions about myself and then all of the stuff I was keeping bottled up came out.

The other sessions after that were about me finding ways of dealing with stuff.

If you find you don't click with a counsellor, don't be afraid to try someone else. The first counsellor I had was dreadful and very unprofessional actually (answered calls on her mobile phone etc during our sessions.) The next counsellor I went to was brilliant.

[Ormiriathomimus]

Thanks keema - that is what I need - ways to find of dealing with stuff.

[Sparklingbrook]

Same as Keema. First session she took notes, asked questions, and I blurted everything out.

The next sessions delved into ways to cope and deal with what life throws at you. I was a huge sceptic but I am having my last session in October as i feel ready to go it alone. I am also coming off the ADs.

The counselling was great. Good luck x

[Numberlock]

Can I ask what kind of counselling this is OP? In the past I have had both person-centred and CBT so just wondering what you've gone for.

[Hoophopes]

I found first session they explained how they worked, policies etc and asked me what I wanted out of it - as some people know (eg stragegies to cope etc). Worth telling them what you want, how long you want to work with them for etc.

[JigsawMum]

Don't expect to feel comfortable immediately - its a wierd scenario. It is important to leave session 1 feeling this person may be able to help you, and as you see them more, the trust grows. You will have to dig up painful stuff which is hard (and I have often wanted to run) but it is SO worth it in the end. I have had extensive counselling over the last few years and its been a life-saver and a life-changer. I can't recommend seeing a good therapist highly enough.

Good luck, hope it goes well.

[MrsMuddyPuddles]

following on from Jigsaw... but also go in determined to get the worst out there. I've had councelling where it took months or weeks to get the hardest thing out in the open, only to move away before they could really be resolved if i wasn't just using the councelling as a bandaid, anyway I'm on another round, and went in thinking that it HAD to get out, so it did, and that seems to have helped loads.

Even with just the medium-hard stuff it was useful, mind, it's just that maybe the hard stuff would have been resolved by now if I'd tried harder to sort it. or maybe it wouldn't have been. Who knows.

[Sparklingbrook]

I think I was very lucky then. I felt at ease straight away with mine.

[Ormiriathomimus]

Thanks for your responses.

I am dreading it tbh. I'm in reconciliation with DH after his affair - and that's the main thing I am struggling with but I suspect there is loads of crap in there waiting to get out in the open. There's a reason why the crap was hidden away in the first place.....

[Numberlock]

I want to stop myself driving myself slowly crazy with unwelcome thoughts and questions

The reason I asked what type of counselling it is, Orm, is because I found CBT much more useful for dealing with the above than person-centred counselling.

[Shh2012]

Hi Orm. I followed your discovery thread. Then I was away for a few weeks and lost your updates. So I'm glad to have found you.
How did it go last night? I hope you will find the counselling helpful.

[Ormiriathomimus]

Hi Shhh... thanks for asking.

I am still on the bloody rollercoaster! Still together. DH still doing all the right things and being very loving and supportive but as he still loves her I am struggling a bit. I took my wedding ring off last week and told him when he could tell me he no longer loved her, when she meant no more to him than any other colleague, I would wear one again, but a new one for a new marriage.

On Monday when I was at the counsellors he wrote me a new NC letter for her - much blunter and simpler - I love Orm, she is my lover and best friend and I have hurt her more than I ever thought I could, I am struggling to forgive myself as she has forgiven me. I bitterly regret ever getting involved with you and we can have no more contact at all even as friends. It won't get sent. There is no need as it would only hurt her and she hasn't been in touch apart from one fishing text a month or so back. It was what I needed though - I feel as if a weight has been lifted. He tells me it won't be long before he can do what i need and give me a new ring - I told him not to rush into it as he needs to be 100% sure. I was smiling for no reason yesterday and my colleagues kept telling me to stop with the whistling at my desk

Counsellor was OK. I guess I was expecting her to rush in with advice and support but she just listened and nodded and asked questions. together we built a metaphor - I'm a wall some of whose foundations have been knocked away. Dh is busily trying to build a buttress on one side with his actions but it won't be complete until he can add the last stone and we don't know when that will be. So meantime I have to build one the other side - she wants me to go back to GP and ask for some time off and review my meds, and find some things for me to do other than work/family/marriage. It was good to be able to talk and talk to someone who doesn't care - ie not a friend who has their own opinions and relations to us both. But even so.... it seems a lot of money (£40!!) to sit and listen and tell me what I sort of know already. But I'll give it a few more attempts.

[Shh2012]

Orm a friend of mine went through something similar. They are still together but it was touch and go for quite a while. It took her about two years to get back on an even keel.
It sounds as if the counsellor maybe very helpful for you - someone to just talk to who won't start giving advice. I like the metaphor too.
Have you had any thoughts about what you can do that's just for you, rather than work/family/marriage?

[Ormiriathomimus]

Nope. I am so knackered all the time atm. For the last 3 months I have been aching and sore as if I've been in the boxing ring, I've come out in spots FFS, I've had mouth ulcers.. generally under the weather. Since Monday evening that has eased a lot. I am running 3 nights a week but that is about all I can handle atm. I feel as if I want to convalesce for a while. I've done so much coping and thinking and crying and 'trying to make it work' that I want a rest . I quite fancy a photography course - I guess the new term at the college will have started but I will have a look into that. I also love yoga but can't find any courses locally that I can get to. Not sure yet but am working on it.

[Shh2012]

Sounds as if your body handles stress in a very physical, as well as emotional, way.
I'm not suprised that you want a rest from all of that.
Photography sounds great, do have a look this week as some colleges near me have only just started their term on Monday just gone. And if you've missed a week or two I'm sure you can still sign up. I think doing something creative like that would be very helpful, a great distraction from all the other thoughts.
Yoga - same here. I live in a rural area and there isn't a class I can get to that's at a convenient time.

[Ormiriathomimus]

The other weird thing that happened is that my period started on Monday night. I am perimeopausal, in fact I thought that I was over that all that and my periods had stopped for good. But since all this started I was getting more and more bloated. Since Monday my skirt is too small! Bodies and minds are linked in the oddest ways.

[Ormiriathomimus]

Sorry! Skirt is too big not small.

[Shh2012]

I wouldn't be surprised if all the stress is messing with your periods. Bloating can be an effect of IBS as you probably know, and IBS is often triggered by stress. That said, I'm 50, also perimenopausal and periods keep appearing unexpectedly.