DS knocked on the door with his friends and they said some big lads had made ds's friend cry and been bullying him and ds. The big lads were at the other end of the street outside one of their houses. It's a well known house for trouble.
I saw red, put my shoes on and marched up the street shouting. I gave the lads what for half expecting the mother to go off it as she's supposed to be rough? She was fairly calm but was holding a new baby in her arms 
I calmed down myself and asked the lads to leave the young ones alone and just play nice. Not likely to happen but hey ho. One of them tried to be cheeky but I shouted him down. I was so angry. What made it worse was they'd been bullying ds before but he didn't dare tell me in case it upset me. They'd made him cry too. Ds and his friends are yr 7 so not tots but the big lads are year 10ish?
I reminded myself of my dad. He was aggressive but to us too. I'm not with dcs but can get angry for them. I'd never want my dcs to be scared of me.
I think AF is due too so not a good time to have something to press my buttons. I just hope there are no repercussions? I may apologise to the mum if I see her in the street? Say I shouldn't have shouted next to the baby perhaps?
I use citalopram for panic attacks but am not a nervous person. People find that strange. Like I should be a jibbering wreck?
I just hope I can stay off them this time as have tried to come off twice before?
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Mental health
Withdrawing from citalopram and just lost it in the street
hmmmmm · 21/09/2012 00:31
When I say just lost it, I mean 6pm. I'm not that slack a parent 
you shouted at a bully, citralopram shouldn't come into it, motherly love does. You are predisposed to protect your offspring meds or no meds. have some 
and chill out 
Aww thanks for that. I suppose her having the babe in arms made me feel bad. Or maybe it's the real me again? I've heard citalopram can make people feel less? I hope I can control it better if it happens again?
ds's friends always come to me for advice for some reason? Even ds said tonight, why did they knock on your door? I do speak to them like little adults I suppose. One gets really angry as he lives with parents who fight, with their fists. He lost it one day and hit a younger boy. I talked to him about it and asked if he felt better. He looked sad and said no. I told him to just try to count if it happened again. He said 'I just get so angry though' I said I know but hitting won't help. He even said it's his home life and he's only 10! 
Mind you, fine example I set tonight.
Thanks, yes I think the dcs think I'm one of them 
I adore dcs and I think they sense it. Even when I lost my rag with the bully boys I was still trying to reason with them, hoping they'd see it was pathetic? I wasn't a very nice child when nearing teens and up to leaving school, mainly due to home life but still I could never see what a little b!&ch I was at times. I only knew aggression. So I can sort of see where some of it comes from. If I was attacked by other dcs I'd see a red mist and the next thing they were on the deck. I wouldn't care but I was a lanky skinny thing too! Your home life has so much to do with behaviour. Mine have it instilled in them never to purposely make someone feel bad and if they do to apologise. They haven't yet afaik? Both are popular and hate bullying.
Well I'm not proud of myself tonight. I have pms plus coming off the meds. DS2 wouldn't do his homework. I didn't realise he had any until really late? I feel like a crap mother as I got so worked up with him. He struggles anyway academically so not doing his homework won't help. I need to get organised and make sure they have done it before they start xboxing or watching tv/using net. The weather's been too bad for ds2 to go out. Ds1 doesn't go out full stop all of his friends just use the xbox.
I made ds2 cry I apologised and said we have to get more organised.
I'm going to do a good de-clutter and tidy up tomorrow and start a regime where they do their homework after a snack but before chill out. And try not to get worked up as it only makes us all feel bad.
I really don't want to go back on meds if I can help it but if I carry on being like this I may have to?
Well ds2 and I did his homework this morning, he got up a bit earlier and did really well. Not an ideal time to do it but it seemed to have sunk in? Would've helped if his Spanish spellings were correct in the back of the planner Luckily I know some Spanish so spotted it straight away last night when I was planning his homework. I wrote the words out in bold and used an online site with the correct spellings and pronunciation. He wrote the words out this morning and got them all right but kept getting quince mixed up.
Thanks not had any repercussions so that's good. And ds2 seems happy. Apart from me being a right harpy last night but all's forgiven this morning
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