When does it start getting better?

[Susarella]

Where do I start? I have two beautiful children. DS is 2 & a half. DD is 5 months. my husband works away alot. My family are not close (distance wise) but my in laws are lovely. I know I am lucky to have what I have but it doesn't seem to stop me feeling dead inside.

I am tired all the time yet can't get to sleep. I waver between two states - irritatable, angry, impatient and crying, sad and empty. I have put on 2 stone in the past two months as I am comfort eating so much. I hate myself right now. I can't understand why my DH is still here with such a miserable sow for a wife.

I have been to see GP and he has prescribed seroxat as I am still partially BFing DD. I have had bad experiences with AD in the past. I was on Citalopram for about 2 years following a nervous breakdown. I had terrible side effects when I started taking it and am scared to start taking these new meds due to the bad press that seroxat has had and the possible side effects. I am only just keeping a lid on things as it is and not sure if I could cope with the early AD zombie stage with a potty training toddler and a demanding but lovely baby.

I love my children. I really do but some days I wish I didn't have them. I have totally forgotten who I used to be before I had them. I don't get time to myself any more. Not even to shower. DH works away during the week. My friends apart from one or two have largely drifted away. I feel so lonely most of the time. DH doesn't seem to understand when I tell him how bleak and grey I feel. I just feel like I lurch from one day to the next either just coping or coping badly.

My Mum friends are great but they have their own families and lives to worry about and I feel like a burden when I try to talk to them. My Mum understands but is a long way away from me and neither of us drive or have much money so it is difficult to see each other regularly but we speak most days.

I just want to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this. Like there is no escape, no hope and no way out.

Someone please tell me it gets better soon.

[NameChanger321]

I was logging on to ask the same thing. I have three dc aged 6, 4 and 15 months. The elder two were just becoming easy when dc3 came along so I know in my head that it will get easier. DC 3 has just started to become really whiny and difficult and I am beginning to wish I had never had him.

[MrsHelsBels74]

Sometimes you have to try different ADs before you find the one that works for you. I've been through most of them now but have stuck with Prozac as I'm currently pregnant.

I know you're worried about feeling like a zombie, but it sounds like you feel pretty horrific right now as it is, so can it really make things worse?

[achillea]

Effectively you are a single parent during the week. If it's any consolation to you, you are going through the time when it is possibly most difficult in terms of childrens ages. You really do need some help during the week, if only to have a shower and do the things you need to do. I would recommend paying someone to come round once a day for a couple of hours so that you can get on with stuff. Even if it's just for a few weeks, it sounds like you really need practical support.

I don't know anything about ADs, but I hope things get better for you.

[amillionyears]

op,are you able financially to employ some childcare to give yourself breaks,or even swap childcare costs for a small job which would also give you some people interaction?

[Hoophopes]

Hi - I think you can self refer to Homestart for help so that they can come once a week for a few hours with you, so perhaps you could have a shower, a cup of tea etc. It is free service. You could get your Health Visitor to refer you also.

[orangeandlemons]

Hi,

I recently started seroxat, and I get awful side effects from every AD, terrible. However starting low 10mg and going up slowly was the answer. I still had side effects but they were manageable.

If you are scared of sid effects go back to GPand ask for a tricyclic ad as IMO these have less emotional side effects (and I've been through most of the ad's on the market )

[Susarella]

Thanks for the support - feeling a bit better....slowly getting there!