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How do I help this person - deals with abuse and PTSD and is LONG

(2 Posts)
Unfortunatlyanxious Tue 26-Feb-13 09:05:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpmeworkoutwhattodo Sun 26-Aug-12 00:31:48


Name change but feel free to ask me anything to confirm my mumsnet status!

REposting from chat in a desperate attempt to get some advice; I’ve also changed a few details for obvious reasons.

Before you go any further there is some information below that relates to nasty things in childhood and even the abuse of a child, please don’t read it if it is likely to be upsetting. I don’t want to trigger anything in anyone or cause upset. BUT please note this is something that has come to light and relates to events from a LONG time ago and the child concerned is now an adult and not in any danger now.

Just a bit of back ground information.

Many years ago I was introduced to a man by a mutual friend. Now this man lets call him John, he had something about him that put me slightly on edge. He would stand just inside my comfort zone, he would make dual meaning comments, you now things that could be inappropriate or at the same time perfectly innocent. I don’t know there was just something “off”, but NOT enough to make me think, slime ball.

Any way John and I got on and had a lot in common (and I figured he was just socially awkward) so we started go places together, like dates but I never quite new if we were “dating”! We’d flirt and have a lovely time, and then John would back off and become totally distant and “odd”. Anyway after a while we ended up sharing a bed one night and although we did NOT have sex we rounded a couple of bases.

John went really really really odd . Totally backed off and almost freaked out. Anyway I by this point had had enough, and gave him the “well that’s crossed the line from friends speech” any way if just kept getting more and more distant and I thought FINE I don’t need this and we stopped talking etc.

OK, so fast forward the other day John got in touch with me over twitter pm (don’t laugh) and we messaged for a bit. Then all of a sudden he starts asking the oddest questions and starts talking about that night (above) from nearly a decade ago. I get really uncomfortable, this is a guy I haven’t spoke to for years, who is banging on about something we did years ago like it was yesterday, in completly inappropriate manner. I say cut it out, and after a while get this message.

“Well it’s a nice memory that was my first and only time”

Anyway, to condense MASSIVELY, after a few messages back and forth he eventually tells me that he was in a residential school for most of his childhood and starts telling me about the abuse he suffered. Terrible, brutal, humiliating abuse, apparently he has never told anyone before and now I have NO idea how to help him.

I have been in these kind of situations before, I seem to be the kind of person people confide in, I’ve volunteered on the Samaritans etc (posting about this is never something I thought I would do, and I have been careful to change lots of details) but I am just so worried about this man.

I am on a totally different continent, and this is only via words on a screen but you can literally feel the pain coming through. He desperately needs someone to talk to, but for the first time I feel completely out of my depth and unable to help. We pm’d for hours the other night and he says there is still more things to tell me, and I fear worse is definately to come.

Does anyone have any idea what I could do to help him? Obviously apart from listening to what he has to tell me, I fear that will not be enough.

I really think he needs to talk to professional people or at least someone that could actually talk face to face with him. But I fear he will feel “rejected” or that he should not have told me. He keeps saying I must be disgusted and that he is humiliated at telling me these things.


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