Smoking and anxiety

[mentalcontinental]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here, but thought this seemed a place for smart, sensible ladies (which I what I need to be, but can't right now). Apologies for the rant that's to follow.

I'm a smoker, have been for 8 years or so. About 2 years ago, I tried to quit. And ever since then, smoking has turned into an obsession for me. I feel crap when I smoke, but worse when I don't. I cut down about a year and a half ago, and ended up on citalopram. I didn't try to stop again, as I was too scared, but cut down to 5 a day and none at weekends (doing a stressful PhD, so I thought it made sense) and was getting by pretty well. More recently, I started to feel hideous feelings of anxiety again, and am now smoking more than ever, and now at weekends. I only smoke to calm that hideous anxiety - it takes away those feelings of madness and nausea, just for a couple of minutes. My GP says the problem is obsessive thinking, and has changed my meds to sertraline and referred me to a psychiatrist. I feel non-stop anxious or tearful every day and it's hurting my fiance so much. He hates me smoking, because he has seen how happy I could be in the past without it.

I've just read the Allen Carr book, agreed with everything he said, but the massive anxiety is still there and I can't stop smoking. I desperately want to be a non-smoker, to not be hooked, and building my whole day around it, but I can't. Me and my fiance have just bought a house and we're getting married in October. I don't know why I can't just be better and appreciate these lovely things. I feel like the scum of the earth.

I've never met anyone else with this obsessive attitude to smoking and would just love to hear any words of advice, about quitting smoking, dealing with anxiety...anything.

[Alameda]

have you tried e-cigarettes? I seem to have stopped smoking by total accident thanks to them - wanted something for when it is not ok to smoke, like on hot days surrounded by dry straw etc or when looking after a baby but found I preferred them. Like you I was quite obsessed but also really thought I would get ill as always felt suicidal whenever I stopped before, with or without gum/patches. I do keep reminding myself that I can smoke if I want to but usually decide on balance that I prefer the electronic ones - no need for lighter, ashtray etc. if I really really want to smoke I will.

when do you see the psychiatrist?

[Showtime]

Do try the free NHS clinics - you can try every possible patch, tablet, gum,spray etc before deciding which you'd prefer on prescription, lots of up-to-date info instead of nagging and real support, one-to-one if required. Been told some people use this to have temporary break, but it does make next stopping attempt easier. Give it a go, am sure GP will adjust meds if necessary. Good luck.

[msrantsalot]

Ok this sounds mad, but when u want a fag, paint your nails. You cant smoke with wet nails. I gives something else for your hands to do, and it is tricky so you have to concentrate on it, thus temporarily forgetting your cravings. Its worth a try!

[Showtime]

Brilliant idea mrsr, I remember being told that the urges would only last 2/3 minutes, and using one's hands at that time would work. Wish someone had suggested nails - I took up juggling (with small, scented soaps).

[mentalcontinental]

Thanks so much for your kind replies, everyone. MrsR, the idea of painting my nails when I want a fag made me laugh! Tbh, I'm such a sad, desperate smoker that I'd probably smoke anyway, even if it was a luxury £50 shellac job!! And Showtime, I love the idea of juggling - if only I had the co-ordination! Alameda, I've bought an e-cigarette and I'm going to see how I go with that. Tbh, when I'm in the real worst bits of my anxiety, my stupid brain tells me that only a real cigarette will do and I cave in. I'm not sure when I'll see the psychiatrist, may be 6-8 weeks, but I've promised my fiance I'm going to work really hard at getting better.

I woke up this morning feeling awful, couldn't breathe and threw up, 3 cigarettes before I even got to work (which might not sound that bad, but it's not usual for me), but reading some supportive posts really helps, so thank you. My GP is pretty certain we have to tackle the anxiety before the smoking, so I'm going to make a real push for it this time. My friend has suggested that, if I start to feel better, I might try an Allen Carr clinic.

[Showtime]

I understand why the GP thinks tackling anxiety first is way to go, but I think it's actually the nicotine craving which causes the anxiety, so stopping the weed will actually reduce anxiety levels eventually. Juggling will probably help with co-ordination, and it's only a short burst of concentration required...What do you have to lose?

[mentalcontinental]

I totally agree, Showtime, I know smoking does nothing for my anxiety. I've been at my happiest and most relaxed when I've gone on holiday for 2 weeks and not smoked, or when it was Friday evening and I'd think, 'phew, I don't have to smoke for 2 days.' I know I can do it, but it's just getting my daft brain to believe it. Right now, that's so very, very hard, and I'm not managing it, but I'm giving it time.

[Showtime]

But why struggle to do it yourself when the NHS will happily give you the £400 course for free? It is proven more effective than DIY, but I forget figures as it's years since I came off my 50-a day. Why not just phone and get the info, then decide whether it's worth the hour-or-so per week.

[garlicnutter]

Continental, I'm just here to say I know what you mean. I smoke more than anyone I've ever met, despite the fact I can't afford it and have to smoke roll-ups which stain my fingers & make a mess. Huh.

When I don't smoke, my 'bad' feelings get too close to the surface and, while this can be useful if I'm 'therapy mode' it is absolutely paralysing in the usual run of things. There's an over-used therapy saying ... which I can't remember exactly but it's about how smoke screens your emotions. Very true in my case.

I keep meaning to try an NHS clinic (funny how I keep forgetting!) as I'm going to have to stop sooner or later, or at least get down to one a day or something. I'm not in any way suggesting it's helpful for you to smoke, but am trying to say it really does act as a sticking-plaster for uncomfortable feelings, at least in those of us who're addicted. All addictions do this, btw!

So, please, don't give up giving up and seeking support in that - equally, though, don't beat yourself up about it. It's there for a reason. You will be able to find your way through it when conditions are right, and then you'll be a non-smoker for ever no matter what feelings you have.

[mentalcontinental]

Thank you for such a thoughtful reply, garlic. I completely identify with what you're saying about the whole smokescreen thing. It's crap not wanting to do it but feeling like you have to. Thanks for your understanding and kindness, and take care. X

[garlicnutter]

:) You too.