What is wrong with me? Is it OCD?

[Bea38]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this but here goes.........
I developed really bad anxiety when I was pregnant with my son ( although at the time I didn't realise) When my son was 3mnths old I started to experience tingling hands which made me think I would drop him, the thoughts of bad things happening to him spiralled out of control from there, I couldn't leave the house for fear that I might have an accident or cause him harm, but I hated being alone too at home. I felt like I was looking after someone else's baby. I would care for him but not feel that rush of love that u get with your child. I have tried various cbt and groups, medication etc but my son is now 18mnths old and I am still struggling on a daily basis. I feel so sad everyday and useless. Is there anyone else out there that is or has gone through similar? Have I developed OCD or can deppresion cause all these terrible thoughts? I'd never heard of intrusive thoughts until this happened to me, though I was going mad :(

[Longtalljosie]

It sounds like post natal depression - have you spoken to your GP?

[oikopolis]

intrusive thoughts are a symptom of OCD yes. but that doesn't mean you have it. you need to talk to a hcp/psychiatrist before you label yourself.

and at the end of the day, the label doesn't even really matter. what matters is getting your life back on track.

sometimes it's as simple as getting your meds looked at, and then tweaked by someone with experience who will monitor you very carefully. it's rare that a single medication works first time. every body is different and sometimes it takes a lot of tries/different combinations/different medications to get the result you need.

i think it's GP and referral time. whether you've done it before or not doesn't matter, you're not feeling better so you need to ask for more assistance.

i'm terribly sorry you're feeling this way. x

[Bea38]

I'm on medication at the moment and having CBT. Sometimes I feel completely normal then I slow down and go in2 a kind of fog and then it feels like I'm grieving, I'll be like that for about a week then I snap out of it? It's the constant thoughts that are making me feel do miserable, I can't watch the news or read the paper anymore as if I see something bad I think it'll happen to me or my family. My gp said it was PND at the beginning but why wud I be so poorly still after a year and a half nearly? This really is the pits :(

[oikopolis]

how long have you been on your current medication?

[Bea38]

I've been on this one on the dosage I'm on for about 7mnths. I've tried various ones but cudn't cope with the side effects. I've was referred somewhere by my gp a while bk to try and get me the right meds. The ones I'm on now have worked to a point, I go out now and am not so nervous but nothing is helping with these thoughts. Just when I feel that I may be getting bk on track I dip again

[oikopolis]

maybe you should go back and tell whoever you were referred to about these dips in great detail. you may be experiencing some kind of "cycling" that makes your brain chemistry dip and change at certain times (making your symptoms return iyswim, even if it's just temporarily).

possibly you need a short-term medication, like some sort of tranquilizer, to get you through these dips? or there may be another medication regime that would help more - something like what's used to stabilize bipolar disorder.

alternatively you may find that you're just adjusting to your use of CBT techniques. maybe you use them very well for a while, then get a bit lazy because you're feeling better, but then the symptoms ramp up again and you feel dreadful again?

it's worth exploring with your care team/counsellor/psychiatrist/whoever.

don't give up hope, you'll get there. sometimes PND takes ages to really go away. there's nothing wrong with you, it's just the old brain going funny every so often!

[Bea38]

Thanks :) i feel like it's ruining everything at the moment, just want my life bk. I'm going to call my gp 2m and see what she suggests. Thanks for your advice and for listening x

[Notmyselfatall]

Hiya bea, Defo sounds like OCD to me. I suffer with severe OCD, mostly intrusive thoughts about my dc and ATM I am struggling again with it, I am 4 months preg with dc3. I am a single parent, seeing the dr tomoro regarding this. I am here if you need to talk, I know exactly what you're going through. Stay strong xxx

[Bea38]

Thank u, the thoughts are really getting me down, I can't go anywhere without thinking strange things or thinking the worse things that cud happen all the time :( I was fine with my first two children, really enjoyed being a mum, when I was pregnant with my 3rd I was even thinking that I'd have a 4th but now I feel that this has put a stop to that as I'll never be well enough to stop the tablets etc or even cope :( xx

[Notmyselfatall]

I know what u mean bea....feel free to private
Message me. I am going thru a terrible time just now with my OCD too, and I am currently nearly 17 weeks preg with dc3 and feeling tremendous guilt as I am taking 5mg diazepam when I feel really bad, this was prescribed before I fell preg, had been on it 2 to 3 times a day as well as Citalopram but the Citalopram stopped working, they then put me on setraline and it is shit! The dr I saw last week would not adjust or change my meds and told me not to take diazepam, easy for him to say and apparently my antenatal mental health app was Gettn rushed through...hmm yeah, got the appointment, 20th July!!!! So I am still in limbo! N still taking diazepam at least once a week and terrified what it could be doing to the baby, but feel I have no choice. My GP surgery is useless

[Bea38]

I've pm'd u but not sure if I did it right, let me know if u didn't get it. July may seem like an age away but it will come rnd soon enough, I know how u feel as I rem phoning desperate to be seen b4 and being told the next avaliable app was in a mnth. Unfortunately unless u go private this is wat happens as the services are so stretched :( if I were u I'd ring my gp everyday until they tk notice, it's the only way as I've found if u don't hassle they think ur ok xx