Bit of background. I was signed off work at the start of Feb with stress and have been on Fluoxetine for depression and propanolol when needed for anxiety. Started off on 20mg Fluoxetine, but upped to 40mg after 6 weeks as I was still pretty frantic.
I started back at work last week as I really had to. They're reorganising again which means my job is under threat for the 5th time since 2007 and I have to be there. My managment have been really good over the last few weeks and have allowed a gradual return to work with me working a lot from home as so long as I have a good internet connection I can do a lot of my job from anywhere.
The thing is that I am back in the actual office on Monday and since mid last week I have been back to where I was before I was signed off which to be frank is a pretty dark place where all I can think of is getting in my car and driving off somewhere and not coming back. This is not a good thing.
Realistically I know I am not well enough to be working. I've not slept properly for two weeks, I am so on edge I can't bear the thought of going out and doing anything and I am feeling pretty close to the edge of reason, but I don't see what else I can do. I support my family financially, DH's salary wouldn't cover the mortgage let alone anything else, so I have to go back and start earning again, even though the thought is, frankly, making me suicidal.
I don't even know why I am writing this here as there's nothing much anyone can do, I just need to get on with it, but I just had to get it out somewhere how bloody awful I am feeling right now. My life is bloody hard work and a bit too much to cope with. Two small children, one with SN. A stressful management job that supports the whole family. Its too much and I just don't think I can do it any more. But I will. Monday will see me getting dressed in my suit and killer heels and going and managing a load of staff and picking up a load of projects that have been iced in my absense and all of the rest of the stuff that needs doing, but I am actually sceaming inside at the thought of it.
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Mental health
I'm having a bit of a crisis moment
100 replies
KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 28/04/2012 20:37
OP posts:
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