Medication for anger issues?

[Chunkamatic]

Hi this is the first time I have posted on this topic so bear with me...

I have massive problems in controlling my anger and need to find help, but dont know where to start.

I really believe that there is something inherentley wrong with me. Ever since being a very young child I have had raging tempers which easily become uncontrollable.

I feel generally angry. Even though I have a good life and on paper have little to complain about, all I do is moan. I feel angry about things that are completely beyond my control (current government issues for eg). I need control and having 2 preschool dc's this is hard to maintain. I feel unheathily anxious when the house is unclean (not messy, I can deal with that, but when the stairs have dust on them or the bathroom needs doing) to the point that I am awful to live with - shouty, cross, aggressive.

I take all this out on my DP and a m ashamed to say that I have punched him. I will make no excuses for that. He doesnt always react in a way that might go to diffuse a situation, but he shouldn't have to - I dont want to make any excuse for what is physical abuse.

I also feel like I am emotionally abusive in some way - I find it incredibly hard if DP does not agree with me - I take it personally and I think I use my emotions to manipulate his state of mind. I constantly undermine him but then use this against him when he tells me he cannot do what I want (because he doesnt feel he can, because i've reinforced that he can;t, if that makes any sense).

In my other "life" to people who I am good friends with but who have never lived with me I am kind, warm, sociable, wise, encouraging, confident and, most importantly, well-balanced.

I have lost it with DP too many times in front of my DCs... and it seems no matter how much II know that it is damaging there are times that I cannot control it and I end up crying and shouting in front of them. I love them so so much I cannot bear that I am damaging them so much.

I find being at home difficult, but at the same time I can see no room in my life for any kind of study/work. I feel constantly so frustrated at the things I cant do through lack of money/time.

Is there something I can take to help these feelings? I tried some counselling last year but it didnt really work out. I would be open to trying it again but for now I just want to move away from these negative feelings.

If you are still reading thank you.

[madmouse]

Wow brave lady! It takes guts to write down black on white that you are abusive to your partner and the fact that you make no excuses for it at all means you have insight and a lot of scope to change.

I would hazard a guess that feeling the way you do has its roots somewhere in your childhood - I absolutely don't think there is anything fundamentally wrong with you or that you were born like this. Counselling of the 'well what would you like to talk about today' variety may be of limited help. Psychotherapy may be invaluable if you click with the therapist.

A lot of places run anger management courses aimed at people who want to stop abusing their partners. You may have to be very brave and ask your GP.

Finally weirdly enough if you want to try medication ask your doctor whether anti-depressants may help. Anger can be an expression of depression and in any event ADs can level out your moods a bit.

[cestlavielife]

se GP, ask for therapy.

but in meantime think about why you able to be difernet with others?

can you take small steps eg count to ten before opening your mouth and shouting?
tell yourself to breathe and walk away when you feel anger?

[Chunkamatic]

Thanks for your replies.

madmouse I think you are right that counselling will not work, as I have tried this before, how is psychotherapy much different? (sorry to be ignorant).
I really dont feel that there is any childhood experince that has shaped this part of my personality - it is something I have tried to search for before but can't find it in what I remember as a happy childhood. I am very close with my parents.
I dont think I am depressed either - thinking about it it is more a reaction to stress, which is caused by anxiety, so would ADs help with that? Also, given that I have had these feelings since being so young surely I couldnt have been suffering depression since then?

cestlavielife I think I will have to go to the GP, have planned to call tomorrow to set up an appointment.
I know that I should be able to do all those things that you suggest, but if I do try it's just like the feelings are suppressed and then still come to the surface later, but usually in a far greater way. I really wish I could have the strength not to let it overcome me.

I feel that I am abusive because I hurt the person I love the most, even though I know it hurts him, because for some reason I am hurting inside. But it is not all the time. I do have lots and lots of nice parts to my personality and I thank you for taking time and replying to my post regardless of the fact that I revealed my worst "secret" side.

[madmouse]

Psychotherapy or psychodynamic therapy will look very closely at how you developed as a person, how you relate to other people and where that comes from, often with a bit more guidance than you get from say person centred counselling, where you just talk about what is there for you at that moment.

When you think about your childhood, don't feel you need to look for abuse, or coldness, or being unloved. If none of that happened then great . But if for example your parents were both very conflict averse and never showed any anger or irritation or strong discussion, you would not have learned any skills in coping with conflict, causing you to store up anger until you burst and let it out in the wrong place.

None of this is an excuse for hitting your partner. But finding out what happened is a good starting point for change.

[Chunkamatic]

Thanks very much madmouse that makes an awful lot of sense. It also makes me believe that there is a point to seeking help and that now is the time to do it.

[Selks]

The other thing you might consider, which may sound a bit paradoxical, is an assertiveness course. Being assertive is about being able to communicate your thoughts, needs and feelings in a strong but non- confrontational way.
One thing that sometimes contributes to being angry is not being able to communicate and bottling things up inside.

[Princess2007]

Hi Chunkamatic, I cannot believe what you have just written is my own life. I completely understand where you're coming from. Only for me I had a very traumatic childhood as well as teen years right up until I got married which was aged 28 when I left home.

I'm 35 now and although I went through CBT last year, my anger has re-surfaced and like you I take it out on my DH. There was a series of events that took place early this year which contributed towards my anger though. I hit my DH and that came to a halt when he finally had enough (fearing for his safety) and reported me to the police. Since then I have not hit him again but I now self-harm. We have a 4 year old boy and are still together but things have got so bad between us that I am at the end of my tether. I have been to the GP who has been wonderful, I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety & stress and am awaiting more counselling.

I don't have any worldy advice except do go to your GP and seek help, if nothing else especially for your children.

I wish you all the best and am thinking of you.