Should be over the moon right now, why am I so damn miserable?!

[fuzzpig]

Had two pieces of much needed good news in the last week.

First, after a long-drawn-out application process I had an interview at my lovely work for a FT, permanent position (currently a PT apprentice). Next day I was told I got one of the contracts.

Two days later DH had his ESA appeal. He got a prolapsed disc over 18m ago, and after less than a year he was rejected, so we knew if he lost the appeal we would have to pay over 6 months worth of money (which we've been using to live on) back. But he won - common sense was finally used, the hearing took virtually no time at all.

So, why after these two brilliant pieces of news do I feel so sad? Crying at the drop of a hat, snapping at DH and DCs. DH is similarly grumpy as the pain is bad. All the stuff we didn't get done before this week is piling up - behind on studies, housework etc. Just can't seem to get on with stuff. Panicking about how we will cope if I go FT (thread here - sorry for shameless plug but I could do with more replies! )

I would really love to enjoy this time but I don't seem able to. I just feel overwhelmed.

[madmouse]

Well first of all it is normal to have a bit of a come down after what must have been months of stress. You may have been holding it together for dh and the kids. They say money doesn't make you happy but constant worry about money wears you down something awful. So accept that you may be un par for a few days and prioritise studies over housework as housework is easier to catch up with later.

And in terms of going full time, I just skim read your other post and am concerned that you are determined to make it all work smoothly without struggles. It won't. It will be at times be a messy struggle but it will work out fine in the end. Plan as best you can then go with the flow.

[fuzzpig]

Damn madmouse, you're good! :)

You are right that I've been holding it together, or trying to anyway - the week or so before all this I wasn't sleeping, just crying from all the pressure. I guess I just find it hard to believe it's all ok, I've been convinced for ages it wouldn't be.

You are also right that I want it to go perfectly. I know in my head that there will be teething problems, but I have ishoos around doing things at the right time, or everything at once (it's like people who diet and HAVE to start on 1st of the month) and it's caused so many problems for me in the past. I am an expert procrastinator mainly because of being a perfectionist .

I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself (ha) and start things one at a time instead of getting to April (when I start FT) and trying to do everything at once.

[madmouse]

Let me tell you where I'm coming from: dh is a vicar, I'm a part time lawyer and mum of a 4 year old with special needs and I've been having treatment on and off for PTSD over the last 3 years. Life can be messy at times as dh works funny hours, but we always get though fine. My Mondays go something like this: Sunday night I prepare pasta bake, Monday morning I go to work, dh gets ds dressed and to nursery. I leave work at 3.50 for therapy at 4pm, then 45 mins cycle ride home, dh leaves the house for nursery at 5.20 putting bake in the oven on his way out. I get home 5.50, we eat at 6, I put ds in bed, my friend picks me up for band practice at 7.20 with me changing my clothes while chatting to ds settling down in bed. It's not pretty but it works! We all eat a healthy meal together and ds gets cuddles and stories. Job done.