did you find when you opened up to your friends they shut you out- because i have feel alone...

[fortoday]

I have suffered from anxiety all my life and over xmas i can only describe what happened as a breakdown due to past history and also a toxic parent. My father died when i was 23 and i was his carer and next kin, so had to arrange funeral etc, picking a coffin for your 51 year old father had its lasting effects. he was an alcoholic- not a voilent one though. I have posted about my mother on the stately homes thread so thats the story there.

I have two dds, beautiful! My group have friends have known me since 11, have known the situation with my father and also my mother to an extent but have always been very private about it, mainly for fear of not being believed as on the outside i have everything. I put a face on things so i suppose it is my fault this has happened.

I have wonderful dh, he has a great job, nice house, cars etc and I am a sahm, so i think people who don't know my history would think give yourtself a kick up the arse.

Outwardly to people they would probably think I was fine, albeit I've lost a lot of weight since xmas (now 8st) this is because of the citolpram it always makes me loose weight. Plus the stress of everything.

I opened up to my friends, didn't tell them everything but have said i am struggling, I am seeing a counsellor for panic attacks and a therapist to help deal with the past so I am actively seeking help, not ringing people crying or anything like that, but it is the sheer lack of support, not one of my friends have even asked how i am.

I am always the one who they run to with their problems, I am always supportive etc. Is it because I am a private person that they think either i am being dramatic or is that they don't care.

what has upset me today is I replied to a group email about a get together on sat and i just can't face, mainly because i just don't want to put a face on things and pretend everything is fine etc or sour the mood by talking to them about it so I wrote that I was having a tough week and that i hoped they had a nice time. Since then people have since replied completely ignoring my message. Feel hurt and quite alone by it all.

I know that I am probably just being overly sensitive because i feel vunerable at the moment but the way i'm feeling right at this point in time is to cut ties and just distance myself. Can you offer any advice? xx

[kahlua4me]

Sometimes people react like that, not because they don't care, but because they don't know what to say.in the same way some can't face you after bereavement as they feel awkward talking.

As you have known them for so long you could try seeing some of them on a one to one and talking them separately as it may be easier.

Well done you though for seeking help and for attempting to talk to your friends. I hope they do come good for you.

[springydaffs]

Yes this has happened to me fortoday - it is so painful! You have my sympathy.

I used to choose friends who were like my family - it was all i knew. I found that the further I got into my recovery (from an abusive and chaotic childhood), the more my friends changed. I started choosing healthier friendships, people who were there for me, who cared and shared in an honest way; people who respected my boundaries and upheld theirs. It may be that the friends you have chosen are not healthy friendships and, although it is very painful to find that out when you are at a low ebb, it is beneficial in the long run iygwim. Not much consolation when you're feeling very rejected though, so here's a (hug) instead!

It may also be, as kahlua says, that people do care but don't know how to reacte. I have friends who send lovely texts to me when I'm having a shit time but don't know how to face me - they're frightened. There's a lot of stigma around MH - have you seen that new ad (comes on late at night) which addresses the fear and stigma around mental illness? It's good! People have the wierdest ideas about it and feel under a lot of pressure to 'help' - when that is not what I want, certainly; I just want them to be normal and warm! It's still me even though i'm suffering. They just don't get it though and don't know what to do - so do nothing. argh!