anyone else in recovery from psychosis?

[mawbroon]

I am ok just now, by far over the worst. I just want to forget about it all and pretend it never happened, but my psychiatrist seems to think that getting support from others who have been through it will help.

Anyone?

[Grockle]

Do you want to say what's happened, mawbroon?

[mawbroon]

Hi Grockle. It's a long story, but basically I had a psychotic experience pretty much out of the blue at the beginning of December. The intensive team managed to keep me out of hospital, but according to them, it was a very severe episode. It happened very rapidly, but my recovery seems to be equally rapid.

I feel normal, sort of. But I feel like I am constantly trying to ward off post psychotic depression. And also now that my brain has slowed down, it feels like there is a space in my brain where the psychosis was. does that make sense?

I am really scared that this could happen again, although my psychiatrist thinks the odds are stacked in my favour for this to be a one off. It has been really traumatic and just thinking about it happening again is horrible, really upsetting.

I think I just need to know that there are normal people like me out there who have been through this, and I need to know how things have panned out for other people.

The stress that triggered it was ds1 being ill. He had a small operation that I had to fight for him to have (went private in the end) and after I saw him improving, my recovery really accelerated. I can't imagine how it would be if the stress trigger was something ongoing.

[mawbroon]

Hopeful bump.

It's awfully quiet over here

[Grockle]

I think part of the recovery is believing that it won't happen again - I think you have to believe that. I know it's hard & must be terribly upsetting and disturbing. It sounds as though you are doing really well - I hope that continues. And I hope that someone more helpful than me pops along soon.

Sorry, I'm not doing very atm so am not much help to you mawbroon.

[JustHecate]

Many years ago, I was put in a mental health unit because I heard voices. Whispering in my bedroom, breathing in my bedroom, telling my to throw my money away - lots of stuff. Seeing shadows out of the corner of my eyes. Having some very odd thoughts. Trying to kill myself. At one point, I was convinced I could see a huge spider and it was trying to kill me I was put on trifluoperazine, which is an anti-psychotic. Which made my neck spasm so I had to go on procyclidine to counteract that.

I recovered. Then after my son was born, I thought that he had died (traumatic birth, we both nearly died and he was left with a lifelong disability-erbs palsy) and been replaced by a demon. I thought he leered at me evily. Because of my history, me and my husband were terrified that social services would take him away from us if we told anyone, so my husband helped me hide it from everyone. But I was very odd for years.

I still have a lot of intrusive thoughts and images, but it's now just who I am and it doesn't bother me any more. I don't think I'm possessed which I did as a teen.

[mawbroon]

Thanks for your replies. Sorry to hear you are not doing so well Grockle. I think you are right about having to believe that it won't happen again. I feel so far removed from it - like it happened to somebody else really - so I am hoping that is a good sign.

Things are so much calmer at home now that DS1 is well after his operation, I can't see things being so stressful for such an extended period again which should help.

The intrusive thoughts don't sound like much fun Hecate. I didn't have anything like voices or hallucinations, just my own thoughts which had spiralled out of control. I had become convinced that everything was the wrong way round - the whole of life and the universe, the way we understand it - it was all the wrong way round, and I was the very special person who had figured this out. There were aliens and cloning involved and they were coming to kill me because I had rumbled them. Or something like that anyway. It also felt like the whole of time and the universe was coming together to this point and it's whole reason for being was for me to have made this discovery. Gawd, it sounds crazy when I type it all out. But it was very frightening. extremely frightening. It felt like every horror film I had every seen was like a prophecy, I even had to shower with the curtain open and soak the bathroom because I was convinced that DH was going to come and kill me, like in Psycho.

I was also suffering from seeing connections with everything and was obsessed with people's names and also with numbers. The last time I thought about any weird co-incidences was 2 days after ds1's surgery when I could already see a big improvement in him. I knew what I was saying was weird, but I couldn't stop myself saying it IYSWIM. I have had no thoughts about connections or peoples names etc for three weeks now.

Have either of you done a WRAP? I am undecided as to whether I want to do one or not.

[AlpinePony]

Hello, I'm sorry you've had such a fright. My worst episode sounds not dissimilar to yours - I thought I'd uncovered a big conspiracy everyone else was going along with. Needless to say I was put on zyprexa pretty quickly - and put on a hideous amount of weight so was switched to risperdal which I loved (made me speedy).

I think I remained on them for about 18 months (perhaps more) and I remember being scared that I would relapse when my team said it was time to leave them behind.

As it stands I've not had an episode now since 2004 (?) And until I read this thread had not even thought about it in years.

I hope 'this too shall pass' for you too. X

[Grockle]

I'm glad DS1 is making a good recovery. It must have been an awful time for you all.

[JustHecate]

No, I haven't done one of those wrap things.

[JustHecate]

(you do mean the wellness recovery things, don't you?)

[mawbroon]

Yes, I mean a Wellness Recovery Action Plan. It seems quite long and involved.

I feel well already and don't think things will ever escalate to the point where they did with this episode. I will see it coming a mile off if it ever happens again.