Advice on where to go for help for SIL

[flipflopflapzap]

Hope you can help me - I'm a regular but have name-changed.

My brother is engaged to a lovely woman, and our family all love her to bits ( calling her SIL for easiness). They have been engaged for several months and are are getting married this summer. No-one suspected any problems although there was a vague suggestion of an eating disorder years ago. Her ex-husband was quite controlling and locally people make reference to how difficult exH was to live with, and commend her for how she coped with it. They split before SIL met my DB and have a teenage son, who lives with exH mostly with a couple of nights per week at SIL/DB house.

Fast forward to tonight - my mother calls me in bits to tell me DB is in bits about SIL. She was made redundant before Christmas and it seems has been spiralling into problems since. She's drinking bottles of wine at a time, having eating problems again (suggestion of bulimia, unconfirmed) and saying crazy things as though to torture herself (she says she is cruel to DB, thinks that she abandoned her son, obsessive about researching companies who haven't interviewed her for jobs, and so on).

My DB and parents are terribly worried about her state of mind. My DB is struggling to cope, and our parents are desperate to help but have no idea where to begin. I live 450 miles away and feel helpless to support them all.

I need practical help - my instinct says she needs counselling (parents believe she would go) but we don't know where to go. They are in Scotland. Should they start with GP? How quickly could a referral be made for the right support? And what can we do in the meantime? Any help you can give would be most welcome. Thanks in advance.

[seaofyou]

OK start by googling any charities for eating disorders/groups in area...also charities like MIND. They be able to offer short term help whilst SIL is possibly going to end up on long waiting list (sorry) to see ? psychologist. She needs to make the move...no one can approach her on anyone elses say so unless she is life threatening risk to self or others (if she does get this bad she can be taken via police to hospital or cell for assessment by Dr). If DB can calmly pesuade her to come to GP to discuss this...maybe he can see GP first to discuss her current behaviours and thoughts. Hopefully GP can prescibe something initally AD's or anti anxiety meds and see how she is or refer to community mental health team.

[flipflopflapzap]

Seaofyou - thanks for replying. Things have moved on significantly since last night, in that we've learned more and she's accepting help. It turns out that she's been drinking 2 bottles wine / day since she was made redundant, and there is a family history of alcohol problems. My DB was unaware of both but is trying to be as supportive as possible. SIL has agreed to see her GP tomorrow morning (with my DB), and I've taken your advice and been googling for help and support from local charities. Fingers crossed we can start the road to recovery soon.

Thanks again for your help