My life has no meaning

[aroundincircles]

I don't know where to start really, not sure if im posting this in the right place, but feel i need to get it off my chest.
Am feeling depressed, have been on and off since i was 15 -i'm 33 now. I'm on fluoxetine, have had a lot of therapy in the past but not at the moment.
I am single and childless, i live on my own. I have a couple of very close friends who are very supportive but have there own lives-pregnant/married etc.
I just feel my life has no meaning. I dont have any responsibilities really or purpose, i feel like a failure, and i also feel ashamed for feeling like this because i have more than a lot of other people.
I would love a child, but have never been in a relationship that has worked out that way, have had lots of relationships, but over recent years they have been quite messy. I have a good job-i work in mental health-which is difficult in itself because right now i dont really feel up to it. The job is also very isolated - i dont have any immediate colleagues.
I'm trying to keep going, but the idea of keeping living this life fills me with terror, christmas is approaching and i just feel so sad that i don't have the things i see other people having-a partner and a child to be a family with. I don't know how to feel 'ok' about this situation. I'm trying to do the right things-keep seeing people, doing stuff but today i have just curled up under the duvet and dont want to come out.

[timetoask]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, to give you some perspective, I am married with two children, my purpose in life at the moment is to be a mum and wife, but I have lost direction in my OWN personal purpose as a human being.
I find it by difficult to make friends, I feel lonely despite having my children.

Christmas is a difficult time because it makes you realise what you don't have compared to others, so I start feeling sorry for myself because I see people being a part of a wider social circle which I cannot seem to attain.

Sorry for rambling, the purpose of that story is that I think we all need a purpose in life and we all need to feel accompanied, but children and a husband is not always the answer.

In my case, I will start CBT soon to get to the bottom of my social difficulties, and I want to start doing some volunteering work so give me some purpose. Can you think of what steps you can take to improve things?

[coffeesleeve]

I can relate. I'm 34, and while I have a boyfriend at the moment I've yet to live with anyone. I really thought I'd be married by this point in my life, and I do feel similar twinges of envy when I see my coupled-up friends (obviously I'm happy for them!)

Life does have meaning outside of partners & children, though. I love my job (although it's not everything to me) and I find a lot of worth/meaning in my hobbies.

I would suggest, if you can, trying to get out there and meet people like you - they DO exist! I found [www.meetup.com] really helpful for meeting friends interested in similar things. Also CBT can really help - it can help you cope with negative thought patterns.

Don't be hard on yourself for wanting to curl up & hide - we all do, sometimes. Give yourself permission to hide today, and resolve to get out tomorrow.

[jomal]

so sorry you feel like this; this time of year can be sooo difficult. How about you write down a list of things that you would like to do, things that you would enjoy and then take steps to make one of these happen. I know it's really hard but taking action , however small, can make you feel better?

[aroundincircles]

Thanks-i appreciate the comments. I know i need to take some proactive action-take some control of how i feel. I feel fustrated -because of my job i know what i need to do-its just doing it is the problem I'm trying to keep busy, make plans and not ruminate too much.

[jomal]

The doing it is the difficult part but once you start it will make a big difference. Would it be possible to change job?