Getting better from Depression/Anxiety/Insomnia

[Jims]

I just wanted to start a positive thread for all those looking for positive stories. When I was struggling with depression/anxiety and horrible insomnia, I looked on here but the vast majority of threads were from people still experiencing the same things which just added to my anxiety!

So, I wanted to say that it was possible to get better and have the majority of days and nights be good ones (albeit with a few bad ones chucked in still). I took sertraline for about 4.5 months when my baby was 6 weeks old because I wasn't offered any alternative by the NHS and they were telling me I could get worse if I didn't take them. I had horrible side effects for a couple of weeks (v little sleep, feeling really sick and way more thoughts about 'what if' I killed myself) but after that it made me feel a lot better. However, I hated doing it because I was breastfeeding so came off and it all came back.

When i realised it wasn't going away, i went and got counselling sessions (CBT ish) which has slowly helped me realise that I can cope even if I don't get a good night's sleep or I'm not having the best day. It has taken time (I'd say a good 9 months) but I am so much better than I used to be.

So things I've learnt - to relax a bit more about trying to be the best mother possible, good enough is fine too. the 'what if i harmed my baby' thoughts were so scary and horrible because it's so against everything I believe in. Apparently people most likely to suffer obsessional thoughts about what if I harmed my baby or what if i harmed myself, are those who have such strong feelings against that kind of thing and are therefore the ones least likely to do the things they're worried about. If that makes sense. I wasn't a bad person for having the thoughts as actually they're perfectly normal and everyone has them, it's just most people don't notice or obsess over them.

I think the thing that helped my sleep the most was eventually trying sleep restriction - where you stay up really late and don't nap at all in the day and gradually go to bed earlier. You have to get up if you don't go to sleep within about 15 minutes too and try again when you feel sleepy. Although this was really hard work in the beginning, it helped a lot as it made me realise I can go to sleep night after night, rather than one good, one bad, two good, one bad (repeat!). i've come to distinguish between being tired and being sleepy and I have to be sleepy to go to sleep. I haven't taken sleeping pills as I want to try for a second baby and i needed to know i could do it without.

The only thing i ask is for positive responses only and good news stories. I'm still a bit rubbish at hearing about other people who have insomnia (especially those who've suffered for years) or depression or anxiety as this still worries/reminds me about the bad times. I haven't quite got to the stage where I'm completely relaxed about going to bed or the fact this happened to me but that's getting better with time :)

maybe at some point, i'll try for a second baby too.

[Chocattack]

Yes I've got better from depression /anxiety four times in 16 years (and am currently suffering again for the fifth time). < choc gives herself a round of applause >

[Rones]

Hi Jims - what a lovely post....exactly the kind of positive story I was looking for. I have come a long way also after suffering from pnd 3.5 years ago (and then being diagnosed with bipolar 2). I'm on mood stabilisers and anti-d's but I'm hoping to come off them eventually (I'm still not sure about them to be honest). I'm generally fine but have some bad days which is why I tend to have a look at mumsnet for some positive stories like yours! I've been feeling a bit down of late because of illness the last month (chest infection, sinusitis etc) and having to just keep going, but it really is just because of that. I had exactly the same thoughts as you had when my dd was a baby - I just wish I'd know about the fantastic book 'the imp of the mind'! A fantastic book about obsessive thoughts. And I came through it even though I thought I wouldn't at the time.

Anyway, it's great to hear you're doing so well.

I may try for another baby point in the future but we're not sure yet. We want to make sure that our little family stays stable and happy before making any big decisions and it really is the biggest decision to take!

Keep smiling and thanks again.

x