tricky situation

[yawningmonster]

This has a bit of a long history so please bear with me. "X" is a friend of DH's who goes back more than 20 years. "X" has always been unusual and several years ago was diagnosed as being schitzophrenic. During this time he lived in a different city and the diagnosis came after a number of episodes which ranged in severity. Until a few years ago he had never had an episode around us. Then he had a couple which involved inappropriate touching towards me. We then made it clear we could no longer have him around at least we thought we made it clear. Tonight he turned up. Luckily DH was here but being soft we let him in and gave him coffee (very hard to turn a such a long term friend away), he made it clear he thought he was staying the night and DH said no that we could no longer have him stay using the children as a reason (he had no concept of being inappropriate the last few times so it doesn't pay to talk to him about this as he just denies it so DH told him that now we have children we can no longer have announced guests as it is disruptive and inconvenient) He has left. What do I do if he turns up here when DH isn't about. I am going to have to tell him he can't come in but how do I word it....I am crap at this, I want to preserve his feelings and to some degree the friendship as it obviously still means something to him but at the same time under no circumstances do I want to be alone with him or want him around my children.

[ThatllDoPig]

Your dh has explained the situation to his friend. If he disrespects this and turns up anyway then you have to question why. Just say. "I'm sorry but you can't come in" and suggest that he talks to your dh about it.
Sorry you are feeling like this. I know it is a horrible feeling when you are on edge and wondering if you will have to 'defend' yourself at home. But your dc really do come first and if you as parents don't want him around then that is the bottom line.

[yawningmonster]

thanks thatlldopig...I am worried he will try to enter a dialogue about the whys and then just not get what his role in it all is. You are right though about the bottom line, I no longer feel safe alone with him and cannot allow him into the house.

[ThatllDoPig]

Keep strong. Hopefully he will keep away and you will never be in the situation, but it is always best to be prepared for how you would handle it. If he was to start asking questions, you need to hand the whole situation over to dh. It is his friend after all. Practice saying "You need to ask dh that question." Like a broken record, and just refuse to get into a dialogue with the friend about it. You don't need to explain yourself when it comes to your children. Remember you 've done nothing wrong and your feelings around this are valid. I hope the friend respects your dh his family enough to keep away.